There’s been at least one awkward situation in your life where the urge to crawl into a hole and never come back out was almost overpowering. In some cases, you may even need to explain yourself and give the necessary “it’s not what it looks like” spiel to get yourself out of that jam.
We’ve all been there. Some moments turn out to be memories we would want to bury deep down, but others are worth looking back on with a bunch of laughs. The stories you’re about to read may fall under either category, depending on how you look at them.
These were responses from a Reddit thread from more than a decade ago, which remains relevant today. We’d also love to hear about your own anecdotes in the comments.
#1
I was shooting a movie with some friends and one scene was a couple in bed having an argument. They filmed at my home and we were gonna do a few more takes later and the team decided to leave the equipment at my house. I go on a date with a girl and everything is well and good and she gets brought back to my place. Things get serious and we head to the bedroom where she is greeted with camera equipment aimed at the bed. She is creeped out and I explained… She wasn’t that understanding.
Image source: anon, delirisfilms / freepik (not the actual photo)
#2
OK, I’ll bite. So just after high school (about 9 years ago) me and some friends are having a little bonfire in my friends back yard. He has a small fire pit. We are drinking and are pretty tipsy. Of course we cut some branches out of a tree and start roasting marshmallows and hot dogs. It should be known we are also idiots so we don’t pick strait sticks, we have sticks with lots of branches on them and stick marshmallows and hot dogs on multiple branches. We are laughing and roasting twenty marshmallows on one stick when we hear a commotion and sirens down the street. We run out to check it out and there are 2 fire trucks, an ambulance etc pulling up to a house down the block. The house was on fire but not totally ablaze yet. Then we notice the family outside with blankets over their shoulders. We start to notice a few people giving awkward glances in our direction…. Then one of our friends point out, we are still holding our sticks covered in marshmallows. We got the [hell] out of there.
Image source: drunkllama, freepik (not the actual photo)
#3
The leader of the local girl scout troop belonged to the same pool as my family. One day I went to pick up my daughter from her scout meeting. With a few of the other mothers I didn’t know, as well as most of the girl scouts all paying attention to me since I had just walked in, the leader exclaimed (once she figured out who I was there to pick up)…”I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on”…The look on the faces of the other mothers was priceless…
Image source: ncturtle, freepik (not the actual photo)
#4
I used to have to unload stuff from my work truck into my garage. It wasn’t uncommon for me to forget to shut the tailgate on the covered truck bed. In the summer it wasn’t such a bad thing, but in the winter, cats would take shelter in it.
On bad nights, I would intentionally leave it open. These were cats other neighbors just let roam the neighborhood, often forgetting about them. I felt bad for them, but didn’t want to bring them into my house because I didn’t want fleas/disease transferred to my animals.
I got into the habit of smacking the bed with my hand before shutting the tailgate and driving to work. When I smacked the bed, the cats would usually jet out the back of the truck. I would do a quick look in and then shut the tailgate. One wintery, blistery day I woke up late. So I ran out the door, slammed the tailgate without thinking about or doing the obligatory bed-smack/look.
On the way to the job, I stopped to get gas at a station really close to my house and remembered I needed gas for my snowblower. I usually had a gas can in the bed. I stopped at the gas station, which was a typically busy in the morning gas station and started filling the truck.
I went back to the tailgate to open it to get the gas can out. I dropped the tailgate and about six, terrified cats came racing out of the bed. One actually ran up and over me, leaping from my shoulder. They did this big loopity-loop, panic run in the gas station and then headed off into the neighborhood. They all made it out safe and we were only a few blocks from my house.
But for one instant. Everyone in the gas station froze to stare at me. People inside were staring out at me. People at the pumps were staring at me. I’ve never felt so judged in my life, it was like i was trafficking humans. I could feel their eyes penetrating my soul. It was about 10^o F out and I could feel myself starting to sweat.
When I went in to get coffee, the silence finally broke and a woman asked me what it was all about. I explained it to her, rather loudly so that everyone who witnessed it could hear it. I don’t think they believed me….
Image source: DoctorWhoToYou, EyeEm /freepik (not the actual photo)
#5
I got real drunk with my girlfriend and her mate one saturday night. They convinced me to wear a dress and then when I passed out in a chair in the living room they covered me in makeup, lipstick, blush, mascara, the works. I looked like a transvestite clown. So I wake up in the chair 9am sunday with a jolt as someone is knocking loudly at the door Still half drunk I open the door to 2 mormons, they look at me shocked, stammer “we’ve got the wrong house” and leave. Took me a few secs to realize what I looked like to them.
Image source: howzagoin, NomadSoul1 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
#6
I was in my early twenties. And we were spending a couple of weeks at a friend’s beach house in an upscale east coast resort town. One late night, we decide it would be a great idea to crash the local community swimming pool for a skinny dip. So seven guys and gals pile into one sedan to head off for the challenge. i am the only non-drinker, so I am the naturally designated driver.
We arrive at the pool, shimmy through an opening in the fence, chuck off all of our clothes and jump in. hilarity ensues…until. Wait! someone has notified the cops of our presence. As we see the cop car search light scanning for us, we freak. Time to make a fast escape and pile back into the ride undetected. But not enough time to get dressed. So we are now a car full of seven people (six of them drunk) covered in nothing but towels. And we drive away, confident in our success.
However, in all the excitement, I manage to make an illegal left turn as part of our getaway. And, you guessed it, cop car lights up and pulls me over.
The officer gets out and approaches the car full of mostly [bare] twenty-somethings. He takes a look and says to me, with a straight face and without missing a beat, “I don’t reckon you’d have a drivers license under there – would you?”
Where even to begin…
Image source: Prufrock01, Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)
#7
I heard a story once where this guy [slept] with a girl and then woke up and she had disappeared, but all of her clothes were still at his house. He was really confused and was texting her throughout the day asking what had happened and if she could come around and get her clothes. Eventually, she comes and picks them up, but seems really embarrassed and doesn’t explain what happened the night before.
As she gets in her car, his neighbor runs out and as shes driving away, asks the guy if he knows her. The guy says yes and the neighbor says to get her back because the night before, he had seen her outside of the guys house trying to open a window to get back inside. The neighbor went out and asked her what was wrong, and she said that she had slept-walked outside [bare] and couldn’t get back in. He offered to take her back into his house so she could get some clothes, to which she accepted. As she’s putting these clothes on, the neighbors wife gets home, sees the [bare] girl putting clothes on and immediately starts shouting angrily at him as she runs out and down the street. He wanted to get the girl back to testify his innocence to his wife, which she eventually did, and all was well.
TL;DR: Guy [slept] with girl, she sleepwalks outside, neighbor tries to give her clothes, neighbors wife sees them and gets angry, he tries to explain.
Image source: anon, EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
#8
Worked at a bike shop and one day a man in a wheelchair comes in to get a flat fixed on his chair. I put a new tube in and rang him up. He was quite pleased with how low the price was. I told him, “Yeah, any other shop in town would have probably charged you an arm and a leg.” The guy was missing an arm and a leg. Could have heard a pin drop.
Image source: PaxiSnack, Anna Tolipova / freepik (not the actual photo)
#9
One of my friends was a roommate with his brother. He just finished taking a shower.
He was in his towel and his other brother was in his about to take a shower of his own.
My friend decided to eat some chips and started choking.
His brother did the Heimlich and just before my friends girlfriend walked in,
the two towels dropped.
Image source: RedderNeckanize, hryshchyshen / freepik (not the actual photo)
#10
My friend, who is a film student, tends to make about 1-3 short films every summer when he’s home from college. I usually help him out. He doesn’t have a printer at his house, so it’s always been my job to print out one or two scripts to do a read through with him and the actors.
One of his shorts was about a closeted lesbian who was in love with her best friend. The last page of the script involved a passionate kiss and then some screaming. And, of course, when I was stapling them, one of those pages fell to the ground.
My mother, who has always suspected me of being a lesbian, found it and assumed I had written it. She absolutely wouldn’t believe me when I said it belonged to my friend.
Image source: ilikeexploring, freepik (not the actual photo)
#11
This was pretty harmless but it still shocked me a bit…
I recently realized my childhood dream and bought a telescope. It’s a rather large 6″ Newtonian reflector. I’m a huge astronomy fan and my parents were too poor to afford one when I was young.
I live in a city, and my apartment has a balcony that faces several other buildings and apartments.
I have never owned a telescope before, so naturally, when it finally arrived I wanted to assemble it as fast as possible. I did this in the middle of a Saturday afternoon in my living room. I struggled a bit but after an hour or so, I was finished.
Obviously the first thing you do when you get a telescope is look through it so I took a quick glance through it, at a hill, into the distance. It worked and I was a happy camper. I then tried to work through the “collimation” procedure that I read about and it seemed to work. You basically tune your mirrors so that they produce a good image.
A bit later I realized that an old lady from a building across the courtyard probably stared at me through her window through the entire procedure.
I didn’t think much about it, and left the telescope assembled in my living room.
After the evening I tried to have a look a the stars from my balcony. Light pollution was bad but, hey, I wanted to familiarize myself with the scope before I wanted to take it to the outskirts of the city. I did see the stars and it was magnificent! I think I even caught a fast moving satellite, it was pretty cool.
And there she was that again, that old lady stared at me from her dimly lit window. She probably thought that I was the creep and peeping into other people’s living rooms with this giant telescope.
I figured that I’d try to talk with her the next day and explain that I’m just getting into amateur astronomy and she doesn’t need to worry.
Little did I know that half an hour the cops would knock at my door! I explained it to them but after they left I still think that they only half-believed me. In fact they gave me that look of disapproval, as if only a deranged person would buy a telescope in the first place.
I find this rather aggravating because, hey, we’re living on a piece of rock flying around a giant fireball at 30km/s and is a glorious night sky filled with thousands of stars out there. I mean yeah, who would want to marvel at the night sky when you can watch a rerun of Jersey Shore or whatever.
Anyways, the next day I invited the old lady to my apartment. We drank tea and I showed her the telescope and tried to explain what I knew about it. It was pretty heart warming. She thanked me and I told her that if she ever wanted to, she could accompany me and my girl friend to a night of sky gazing.
Image source: away_you_throw, EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
#12
I do a lot of crafts. 11 years ago when I moved to the UK, I was unable to ship a lot of my stuff over so I left it in storage with my mother. Less than a year later, her partner was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and they decided to move back closer to family so that they could have some extra support, and so she could spend her time left with her family. Anyway, my mother phoned and told me if I wanted my stuff, I needed to come and get it asap.
When I went over, I took a large empty bag with me. I went through all of my stuff and sorted out things for a yard sale, and things I wanted to keep. One of the things that (for some reason) went into my ‘keep’ pile was a 5lb jar of plaster of paris.
Now, as I said, this was a jar, which meant it was hard and unyeilding. I decided it would be much easier to pack if I poured the powder into some ziplock bags. That way, the bags could fit into any nooks and crannies I had left in the bag. I cut the label off the jar and stuck it into one of the bags so that I would have the mixing directions, and didn’t think any more of it – until I got to the airport.
When I got to the airport and my bag was weighed, it was overweight. The guy at the check-in asked me to go through the bag and see if I could reduce some of the weight by putting anything in my carry-on. I went through the bag, and managed to reduce it by 20lbs by removing the 5lbs of plaster and a 15lb die cutting machine, which I somehow managed to fit into my carry-on.
Next stop, security. This is where my decision to put the plaster in my carry-on suddenly turned into “I can explain!!!”
After walking through the metal detector, I noticed a member of security standing with their arms around my bag. I approached and he said “is this your bag?” I nodded yes and he asked me to follow him. This was only months after 9-11 and I’d only just encountered men with machine guns in the airport so I was feeling a bit apprehensive, as I couldn’t think what I could have done wrong.
We went to another area where there were all sorts of testing machines. He asked me to take off my shoes and belt (keep in mind this was more than 10 years ago so it was not standard practice at that point). Then, he starts unpacking my carry-on. He reaches in and pulls out – a bag of white powder. Then another one. And another one… until he had 5 bags of white powder in front of him. When he’d pulled out the first one I immediately realised what it looked like and I couldn’t help myself, I started laughing. Thank goodness the guy had a sense of humour because when I told him what it was, he kind of chuckled too, but stated that he still had to test it. I had nothing to hide so I was happy to let him do so.
I made my flight with no problem. I bet that guy still tells the story of the woman with the 5 bags of white powder. I know I do!
TL;DR: Carried 5 bags of white powder in my carry-on onto an international flight.
Image source: AnandaUK, wavebreakmedia_micro / freepik (not the actual photo)
#13
I was at a friend’s house helping him put up drywall in his master bedroom. Off the bedroom was a walk-in closet that he built for his wife. At one point, we ran out of drywall screws and my buddy went to the store to get more. I opted to stay behind and measure and cut the drywall sheets we had left to hang.
At one point, as I was lifting a sheet of wall board and getting ready to score it, I stumbled backwards a bit. I caught myself on a tall wicker hamper/basket that was just inside the door of the closet . As I righted myself I noticed that something was hanging from the cuff-button on my work shirt (the hand I used to catch myself).
I raised my left arm to my face to see what had snagged on to my button and noticed it was a paid of my friend’s wife’s panties. At that very moment I looked up and saw the next door neighbors wife, in her bedroom window (which was only a few feet form my buddies bedroom window), looking at me with a pair of my friend’s wife’s panties to my face.
To this day, anytime I go to my buddy’s house and she is outside she gathers her kids form the yard and goes inside until I leave.
Image source: WonTonChin, hryshchyshen / freepik (not the actual photo)
#14
My dad was once pulled over by the police in a small car (I think a Lada Samara, but I’m not sure); asked to step out of the vehicle, and he wasn’t a small guy.
He got out followed by 9 dwarfs.
He was the production manager for a local show and the dwarfs came as a group. They were leaving a show at the other end of town when their car broke down.
My Dad instead of calling a few taxi’s thought it would be faster and cheaper to go pick them up himself.
Image source: Contranine, gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
#15
A friend once popped the trunk of his car, revealing a [bare] man, and the explanation was (relatively) reasonable.
Here’s the full story:
First, some background info. I live in Pennsylvania and you’re allowed to (and usually have to) pump your own gas. In New Jersey, it’s illegal to pump your own gas.
So, some friends are driving around New Jersey. Said friend is the member of a band and, with him, is the other 3 members of his band, his girlfriend, and another friend. That’s 6 people. The car only has seats for 5. So, on a trip to the gas station, one bandmate figures it’d be fun to ride in the trunk.
This guy is a bit crazy in the best way. On the way from the venue to the gas station, while in the trunk, he gets [undressed] save for a pink bandana around his neck so he can surprise the [hell] out of everyone when they get back.
The car arrives at the gas station and, realizing they have to let someone pump their gas, they pull up to a pump and an attendant comes to help them. When he asks my friend to open the door covering the gas valve thingy, with him being used to manually opening it himself (as opposed to using the automatic button inside the car), he fumbles around for the button…
And pops the trunk.
There lays a [bare] man, who looks a bit like a beardless Jesus, wearing nothing but a pink bandana.
The best part is my friend didn’t even realize it was the wrong button. So, the attendant just stands there awkwardly as the guy in the trunk tries to shut the trunk while everyone in the car sits looking bored with straight faces.
EDIT: I forgot to mention: I told them he should have gotten out of the trunk, walked over, opened the door on the gas thingy, walked back, got back into the trunk, and closed it. Nothing more amazing could have happened.
Image source: mjdgoldeneye, freepik (not the actual photo)
#16
When I was 11 or 12 a bunch of my friends decided it would be awesome to tie someone up and send them flying down the hill on a skateboard. I was the youngest one so I got to go first. So they tied me up and as they were carrying me onto the skateboard, my friend stumbled and dropped me face first. So my face hits the skateboard and my nose starts to bleed like a water fountain. A lady walks by us and sees a little boy tied up with a nose bleed surrounded by a bunch of teenagers. She obviously thought they just beat me up so she tells them to scram, comes over unties me and gives me some tissues for my nose bleed. Then she asked where I lived took me home and told my mother everything. Boy did I have a lot of explaining to do.
Image source: monkeysontrees, Addictive Stock / freepik (not the actual photo)
#17
Was reading an interview Stephen Colbert did with Playboy on their website. Someone walked past, did a double take, and asked if I was really looking at the Playboy website. Had to explain that, despite all the jokes that have ever been made throughout the history of Playboy, I actually was reading it for the articles. A phrase I never ever anticipated uttering in real life.
Image source: anon, yuriyrudy / freepik (not the actual photo)
#18
I had just put air ride on my truck and was taking it on it’s maiden voyage. I forgot to tuck a brake line and had been unknowingly dragging through it. All of the sudden it decides to let loose right as I’m stopping at a stop sign. I’m half way through the intersection with no brakes when I see a cop sitting waiting to bust people for blowing through. He pulls me over and I try to explain. He clearly doesn’t believe me so he asks me to press my brake pedal. Boom. Brake fluid squirted right on to his shoe. No ticket.
Image source: flemoids, ariaarmoko / freepik (not the actual photo)
#19
About 8 years ago me and some friends were working in Northern Italy around this time of year and we decided to hire a car and drive into Germany for Octoberfest.
After finding a carpark in Munich we (3 guys, 2 girls) head off to enjoy the beer. A few hours pass and my girlfriend is pretty drunk and looks like she’s gonna start puking soon so we all decide to take her back to the car and let her have a bit of sleep on the back seat. Trying to get her into the car was a different story though because she wanted to “sleepy ina da back, no really back the car”. Naturally we throw her in the boot and she went to sleep.
The rest of us locked the car and off we went to find a bar. Many, many beers and sing songs later we were heading back to the car when two policemen stopped us in the street and asked us for our IDs.
We explained that all our stuff was in our hire car around the corner. The nice policemen offered to walk with us to the car so we could show them that we were legit European citizens and we weren’t trying to smuggle people into the country or anything absurd like that.
Get to the car, open the boot, Italian girlfriend is still asleep on our bags. The police look at each other and I quickly explain why there is what appears to be a kidnap victim in our car.
After waking her up she starts shouting at the police because she was “nice sleepy der”. The policemen check all our passports and one of them wishes me luck dealing with my crazy drunk girlfriend and gives me a wink.
Image source: johnnycrosshatch, dimaberlin / freepik (not the actual photo)
#20
Me and my roommates came home late one night from a night of drinking. It’s about 2 a.m., and there is a knock on our back door. I open it up and there is a tall, muscular fellow there wearing only a t-shirt and tennis shoes, cupping his unmentionables and covered in bloody gashes. He says he can explain, that the cops are after him, and asks to come in. My other roommate comes down and is like “Absolutely, come right in! No one comes to someone’s door [bare] in the middle of the night to start trouble. You come because you need help, right?”
So the guy starts in on this story of how they are at a house party up the street. They are loud and have had a few noise complaints, so the cops are essentially sitting on the corner just waiting to bust them. He thinks it would be a good idea to take his pants off and go streaking by a parked police cruiser. Hint: It was not a good idea. Two cops start chasing him, another goes into the house to start interrogating his friends.
Did I mention this was a tall muscular dude? He runs laps around the overweight police men, then takes off across a field to either outrun them or hide. As I understand, he distances himself by about 75 yards, then runs headlong into a barbed-wire fence. The barbs had left huge gashes in his stomach, chest and legs, but he untangles himself and hides in a culvert as the cops roam the neighborhood with flashlights looking for him.
Flash forward 2 hours, he sees us come home, across from the field where he is hiding, and makes his way to our back door and recounts his tale. We give him a beer, a pair of gym shorts, and escort him back to his house party, where he is greeted with raucous laughter, applause, and more then a few disgruntled looks from the people he had left to be interrogated by the police for an hour. The entire party covered for him, claiming that they didn’t know him and that he had not left his pants with them (they hid them, and his wallet). It all worked out.
Image source: steve032, Frolopiaton Palm / freepik (not the actual photo)
#21
I got a hole in my favorite sweater when I was around 12. It was made of that stretchy, thin material that’s impossible to mend without being obvious, so I was looking for alternatives to save it. I got this idea that nail polish would keep the hole from spreading, but I didn’t have any clear, so I used a dark maroon color that matched the shirt.
The hole was on the chest of the shirt, so was eye-level for most of the boys in my 6th grade class. I figured I had to do something to make my bra less obvious through the hole, so I grabbed a bra I didn’t like and painted it with the same nail polish. Perfect.
Mom found the bra first and accepted that I had spilled nail polish on it. I’m not sure why I didn’t tell the truth, but I was a kid and kids are weird.
Then my mom found the sweater. All she saw was a hole with a dark, crusty ring and she assumed I had been smoking and had burned a hole in the sweater. I had never smoked in my life, never left the house without her except to go to school, and had no way to get to a store that sold cigarettes without a car.
Yet I was still grounded. For smoking. She didn’t believe my story, not even paired with the painted bra.
**tl;dr: Painted my shirt with nail polish, my mom jumped to conclusions**.
Image source: TheKenluckian
#22
When I was 12 years old, my little sister was 1. I was getting her ready for her bath one day when I had the overwhelming desire to bite her… As in “OMGyouaresocuteIjustwanttobiteyou!!!!”. So I tried to bite her bum through her diaper but accidentally chomped right down on her bum cheek. She cried and there were teeth marks on her bum so I became worried that my parents would think I was some sort of weirdo/perv/sociopath. They came in to find out why she was crying and when I explained they didn’t even get mad. They totally understood my need to bite her. She really was that cute.
Image source: mrsroark
#23
Someone invited me to follow some cabaret thing on facebook, so I did. Later, I was checking updates in front of some friends, and BAM: gay stripping.
Image source: fragamacrunch
#24
I was recently walking home, and saw a bunch of bird [dropping] on the sidewalk in front of me. I heard birds in the trees above, so I decided to walk around the drop zone, which put me in the street. As I stepped into the street, I noticed a mid-to-late twenties black gentleman walking the opposite way on the sidewalk.
I have never received a look of disgust that great at any other time in my life.
Image source: lespritdelescalier11
#25
When I was an intern (I’m a doctor) I examined an admittedly ridiculously hot girl who was having palpitations. I took out my stethoscope and listened to her heart under her hospital gown. I clumsily and very accidentally (while holding the stethoscope) brushed her [chest] with my hand and her heart starts beating faster and the alarm of the heart monitor starts going off. In comes the nurse to see what’s happening and there I am with my hand under her top and both of us are blushing like mad and me looking very, very guilty.
Image source: shallowblue
#26
A couple of years back I was staying in a hostel in London. I got assigned to a 3-person room with a couple already occupying it. I stuffed my bags under the bed where nobody could see it and used a locker in the corridor for my valuables, then hit the town. I returned at about 3 AM, unlocked the door, and since the room was dark and I did’t know whether my temporary roommates were sleeping, I decided not to hit the light switch. Instead, I pulled out my cellphone and used it’s vague light to inspect the beds and determined that they were empy.
I turned around and was just about to make my way towards the light switch when the couple returned, unlocked the door and hit the lightswitch, revealing me, standing fully dressed in jacket in a jeans jacket and leather gloves in the middle of the room for no apparent reason. They stopped and looked at me in disbelief for a moment before I introduced myself. That was an awkward first night, but the next day I explained my side of the story and we all laughed about it.
**TL;DR: A couple return to their room in a hostel at 3 AM, flip the lightswitch and discover a strange man (me) they’ve never seen before, standing in the middle of the previously dark room for no apparent reason.**.
Image source: Berjj
#27
I’m not sure how I avoided an arrest with this story.
This occurred a bout 15 years ago. I was at a Denny’s in a small, rural, North Carolina town. I was around 17 or 18 years old, I guess, and had been hanging out with a bunch of friends that night. I had a new (to me) car and my friends were checking it out in the parking lot. It was around 11pm or so.
One of my friends, a female, remarks that the trunk of the car is so big that she could probably fit inside it and would find it comfortable. She asks me to help her into the trunk, so I pick her up and start to put her in there. In the process of doing so, she dropped her keys on the parking lot.
A moment later, a police officer pulls up and angrily asks me WTH I’m doing. I explain to him that she wanted to see if she would fit int he trunk. He had heard her screaming — but it was actually just loud laughter. He asked the keys that were on the ground. I explained that she dropped them. He wanted to know “How she dropped them way over there.” I had to explain that she had been standing there previously before I picked her up.
Things are eventually cleared up after she spoke up and explained that we were just goofing around. He told me he didn’t want to see me back there that night and to “not be droppin’ no more keys.”
A day passes and I find myself at Denny’s late at night with a different set of friends. I’m recounting the story of the previous night when another female friend says “Oh! I want to try the trunk thing!” Being the stupid kid that I am, I pick her up and walk over to my trunk just as the SAME FREAKING COP pulls up again.
I put her back on her feet, we got in my car, and left before he said anything.
He didn’t bother to follow me or arrest me or anything. I’m really not sure how I got away with that.
Image source: akira410
#28
My sister’s friend use to work for a mortician. His job was to pick up the bodies during the night shift. Every now and then he’d be on his way home when someone would call asking for a pick up. Instead of driving all the way back to the morgue to pick up the designated mortician car and then driving to the house and back to the morgue, he decided to put the body in the back of his sedan. The one night he gets pulled over by a cop. The cop commented on his brake light being out and never found the body.
Image source: suckitphil
#29
So there I was…
Back in high school I drove a white chevy venture. It wasn’t in the best shape, had some scratches and dings, a big thing of black plastic hanging off the front bottom of the car (I’ve been told it’s a splash guard), etc. I was just starting to grow facial hair and hadn’t shaved in a while so I had a nasty looking “beard” thing and mexi-stache. Also, I had about 16 inches of curly red hair.
I had returned from a camping trip recently and still had all my gear in the van, sleeping bags, Pringles cans, McDonalds wrappers, and so on.
So anyways, it’s a Monday and I’ve got to take my two little brothers to early morning swimming with me (5:30) and as we leave the house I asked them if they reeeeally wanted to go to swimming. They naturally said no, so we drove for a bit, then turned off onto a side street and pulled over by a tall hedge to take a nap.
After a while my youngest bro says he has to go [to the bathroom], so I tell him to just open the slidey door and go in the hedge which he proceeds to do. A few seconds later I notice there’s a sheriff pulled up behind me and he’s approaching my window. Yup, he’s seen my little brother and then he sees the inside of my van.
Needless to say he didn’t buy my story and called my parents, (Which mortified me cause I had never had a run in with cops).
Image source: anon
#30
A girlfriend once found another woman’s bra in my bed. I hadn’t cheated on her.
Full story: The weekend before, I went to visit a friend out of town. I had a roommate at the time, and I arrived back on Monday. I had a small bedroom, and my bed was pushed up against the wall.
I’m not sure what night that week, but my girlfriend stayed over. She was much more of a fanatic about making the bed in the morning than I was, and she was pushing my bed away from the wall slightly … and a bra fell to the floor. It’s not hers. She was very upset, but apparently the look of astonishment on my face was so genuine that she gave me the benefit of the doubt for the time being.
Winds up, my roommate had some friends over during the weekend I was gone. Without telling me, he let a couple sleep over *in my bed* and she apparently forgot her bra that morning.
Image source: gjallard
#31
Year 10 had just ended, school ended a few hours early. A bunch of guys and girls came round to my house. We swam in the pool, then decided to order pizza. We decided we would mess with the pizza guy and shock him when he came in. Guys and girls swapped clothes, I got roped up to a computer chair in my undies. One of the girls covered me in chocolate sauce and put some sort of gag in my mouth. I held the cash for the pizza in one hand. We heard a car pull up to the driveway, so everyone hid and got ready come come out cross-dressed with their assorted props.
My Mum opens the door to see me tied up covered in sauce, cash in one hand. Everyone scatters, except for me who was tied down. She had no idea that school had ended early and I had invited anyone around let alone 15 people who were all currently cross-dressed. By the time I finished explaining what was going on, the pizza guy had come to the door. He still got a good shock but not as good as it could have been.
Image source: anon
#32
As a kid (maybe 5th grade) I had made friends with someone at a playground while my brother played baseball. He was wearing a black hoodie. I didn’t actually get his name, so I tried calling out to get his attention”hey blackie! Blackie!” Well the one I was trying to reach was white, some other slightly older children nearby however, were not. Nothing really came of it but I was scared I was going to get beat up.
I spent that game and the next hiding in my parents car. I remember them coming up to the car and either realized how scared I was or something and they didn’t bother me after that.
Image source: Gadzooks149
#33
Filming something for a web series I used to be in. My character is a former child actor that has gotten drunk and is convinced that another character is Santa Claus. I’ve kidnapped him and I’m holding him at katana-point, while he is tied to a chair.
Well at some point the police are called to one of the apartments in the building. We are filming in the garage just off the building’s main gate. They took a peek in and, well, luckily the cameras and lights somewhat bolstered our “film makers” claim.
Another time while filming the same series police arrived and drew guns. We were practicing a sword-fighting scene and someone called the police on us. Seriously: guns drawn, “drop your weapons”, the whole bit. Good times.
Image source: dancemonkey
#34
I was walking down stairs with a friend on our way to the cafe after class. I don’t remember what we were talking about but I tend to use a lot of hand gestures when i talk. Well when we got to the bottom of the stairs I ended up pointing and saying, quite loudly, “I would do that!”.
It wasn’t until a few seconds into my pose that I realized that i was pointing directly at the girl that was walking in front of us, and looking down there as well. I’ve never wanted to explain something so bad in my life. Tl;dr- accidentally yelled “I would do that!” While i was inadvertently looking at a girl’s [behind]. She wasn’t pleased.
Image source: Twair72
#35
Mine is not so much a “I can explain” so much as a “I should’ve explained better”.
Ok, grade 4. Rough time. Playing on the playground with a bunch of friends, some variant of tiggy. Anyway, I’m it, and am up on the top of the playground, when I see that there is a girl down below me, unaware of my current location. I jump down to go to tag her, but she starts moving as I fall, and I end up landing on her with my knee.
Said girl bursts out in tears, and yells, “I can’t believe you would *kick* me!” and starts to run away, presumably to tell on me. Now, I’m a sensitive kid, but I’m also afraid of authority, and I determine that I *need* to go and fix this. So, I run after her, calling out something along the lines of “Are you ok?” as I go. To this, she responds, “No! You kicked me!”
At this point I decide that I need to clear up some facts, so I yell out, “I *kneed* you!” This repeats a couple of times, her yelling and me responding with “I *kneed* you!” until it dawns on me what it sounds like I’m saying, because I see a group of confused-looking grade seveners looking on. Again, to clear up the details, I look at them and yell out, while making a knee-ing motion with my leg, “you know, Bang, Bang?”
Seconds later I realise what all this sounds like. That was about the most embarrassment a 9 year-old could take.
Image source: anon
#36
I recently started teaching English in Mongolia and today my class was finishing up watching the rest of “Big” starring Tom Hanks. 5 minutes into class and the seduction scene starts, where the girl slooowly takes off her shirt and Tom Hanks turns the lights back on so he can stare and BAM! There’s my co-worker who is coming in to see what I’m doing today and to grab some dictionaries.
Well. I’m showing the class how to fondle [chest], sir.
He leaves and I’m like, thank god he’s gone now we can all chill. OH NO He’s back ..with another teacher….and the scene still isn’t done.
Image source: raindropsandroses
#37
I was pledging a sorority, and one time during a pledge activity we split up into two groups to caravan to a certain destination. They split the pledges and actives up into two groups. My group started out for the destination first and we assumed the other group wasn’t too far behind us. After about 20 minutes they hadn’t showed up so we set back out looking for them. We found them on the side of the road…with two cop cars…the actives were handcuffs and the pledges looke really scared.
We pulled over and asked what was going on. The pledges told us that instead of taking a larger vehicle, the actives took a pickup truck, blindfolded the pledges and had them lie down under a tarp while the actives were in the cab. They got pulled over because the liscence plate was muddy, and the cops found the girls blindfolded in the truck bed. They asked the girls if they were alright, but they didn’t respond thinking that the cops were actually our fellow frat brothers trying to mess with them. My group started explaining the situation as well, and our story was the same as theirs. The cops let everyone go with not even a warning for the muddy plate.
TL;DR: My not-so-bright sorority sisters tied pledges up, put them in the back of a truck, and got caught by the cops.
Image source: AnnieB25
#38
I was at the grocery store.
A child with his grandmother was blocking the aisle; he had dropped his nickel and was upset. He couldn’t find it; no doubt it had rolled under the shelves.
I took a nickel out of my pocket surreptiously, pretended to tie my shoe,
put the nickel on the ground and covered it with my foot; so that when the child walked by and I walked past he would see it.
But the kid kept looking around in circles while the grandmother grew impatient and I stood there with my foot over the nickel.
The aisle behind me grew crowded.
Someone said, *’That guy’s hiding it under his foot’.*.
Image source: CRYMTYPHON
#39
My wife’s lab wound up in the possession of the corpse of an orangutan [from] the local zoo. They weren’t really sure what they were going to wind up doing with it, so for the time being, they preserved the corpse in a vat of formaldehyde or whatever the hell liquid you would use to preserve the body of an orangutan, and stuck it in storage.
Fast forward several months. A bored security guard on the night shift checks that particular storage room, and decides to start poking around. He opens the vat, presumably because he is an idiot.
Now, there’s a key point about this particular orangutan; he’d had some kind of condition that caused almost all of his hair to fall out before he died. So this dude opens the vat, and is greeted by a hairless ape thing floating in a vat of pungent liquid. He freaks out, because he can’t see the face, and the most common hairless ape that people see? Yeah, that would be a human.
So my wife’s boss ended up in the lab at 3:00 in the morning, explaining to the police that there hadn’t been a [crime]. Security guard got fired for opening things he shouldn’t open.
Image source: cdskip
#40
Heard this one story where professional wreslters pulled practical jokes on each other. I forgot who it was but there was this one story a pro wreslter was driving to San Francisco with another pro wrestler he was giving a ride to in the back of his car. When he was crossing the Golden Gate Bridge he saw in his rear view mirror a bunch of police cars following him with their lights flashing. So he pulls over to let them pass but the police stay behind him. So he turns around to see what’s going on and there is his friend in the back seat, pretending his hands were tied behind his back and a sock jammed in his mouth and looking like he’s screaming for help.
Image source: Patches67
#41
I was making a video for a high school school project with some of my friends (all of us male). We decided to go all out for this, and borrowed some really nice recording equipment from one of my teachers. Anyway, we were having a hard time finding a nice quiet place to record, but eventually we settle on the family restroom. My friend and I go in and start recording our lines. As luck would have it, the last scene was a fight scene and involved lots of grunts and moans. So we finish and open the door to see one of our teachers standing there with the most disturbed look on his face.
Image source: drmcclassy
#42
I went to a concert about a month back and one of my friends got really hammered. I had to stand next to him near the bar to hold him up so he wouldn’t get kicked out. Only ten minutes into the show and he totally grabs this girls [behind] who stands in front of us.
She and her friends, including boyfriend, all turn around and I reacted quickly by explaining what happened. Only it was incredibly loud, with the band playing, and they figured it was just me.
The girl threw her entire drink, straight up tequila, right into my face. I spent the next ten minutes completely blind and I got kicked out.
Image source: anon
#43
When I was 15 me and my 2 friends would have bb gun wars with cheap bb guns from Walmart. These guns were metal and actually looked real from a distance. So were out in the woods about 100ft from the road and my friends little brother shoots him in the face. My friend falls and his little brother starts running towards the road because he knew his brother would beat [him]. When he almost reaches the road, I pull out my gun and shoot him in the back which startled him and made him fall to the ground. Well apparently cars saw this happen and about 5 minutes later 7 police show up with swat on the way. They thought it was an actual shootout. I explained what happened to the officers and they had my mother pick me up.
Image source: dfuzion
#44
About 6 years ago, my now-wife, then-girlfriend and I were at her mother’s house. We had all been up early doing something that I forget now, so everyone was tired. My girlfriend and her mother end up falling asleep on the couch. Supervision of the girlfriend’s 4 year old twin brother and sister apparently defaults to me. Well, they’re playing harmlessly for a while, requiring minimal intervention from me, so I accidentally pass out in an armchair. I come-to about 20 minutes later–no kids in sight. I start checking rooms, heading into the kitchen, which is next to a mudroom, which contains the bathroom. I catch a faint hint of melody on the breeze… I go into the mudroom and can now hear a raucous rendition of “Row row row your boat.” I pull back the sliding door on the bathroom only to discover two [bare] little kids “rowing” in the toilet with a plunger and a toilet brush, belting out the lyrics and laughing hysterically. Obligatory “get the heck out of the toilet and get your clothes on!” follows. They now decide to ignore this and run screaming from the bathroom and through the house. Girlfriend and her mother pop awake just in time to see me chasing after the two [bare], screaming children as they pass by the living room. I vehemently attempt to explain the situation. It still to this day gets brought up, “Oh haha, don’t fall asleep if MurphysLaw’s babysitting…”
Image source: MurphysLaw09
#45
I had gotten into a somewhat heated debate with my step brother about 5 years ago regarding Jewish women. My brother was saying that there were no hot Jewish girls in the world. In an attempt to prove his generalization wrong, I googled “hot jewish girls”. Flash forward a day, I’m getting some help from a tech-savvy friend. He sees my search in the bar and I notice his face changes. He doesnt say anything but I knew what he had just seen. A flustered “I SWEAR I CAN EXPLAIN” ensued.
Image source: evered
#46
My friend was driving his car through a suburban back road. I was riding shotgun, dressed as Jesus and there was a man in back wearing only a yellow rainslicker and aviator sunglasses. We were pulled over by a cop and upon looking in the vehicle, he saw a wooden cross, a realistic looking doll covered in chocolate sauce, and an antique shotgun.
“We were shooting a movie, officer, I swear.”
Image source: thatkidwithayoyo
#47
I was pulled over by a cop once at random. There just happened to be a load of empty beers cans dotted about the car that my mate had been going through on a drive the night before. I looked like I had been chugging them back and throwing them over my shoulder like a madman whilst driving.
Image source: anon
#48
This evening I was walking home from my night class in old art clothes & see this lady with 3 guys pushing her car. I ask “Hey do you need help?” and she said “No unless you have a screwdriver!” I remember I have tools in my pockets and pull out a sickle and angular blade from each pocket and ask “Will either of these work?” I see the look of alarm cross their faces & she says “No thats ok I think we’ve got it” and runs off. I realize I must look like a crazy homeless person splattered in paint and a big dark hat & backpack carrying large crazy looking blades. Context: I’m putting in flooring and need curved blades to cut it & I had just the tools from my sculpture class I use for cutting wax so I was taking them home.
Image source: LogicalPagan
#49
I once got in a lift at a university halls I was visiting with a kind of drunk looking guy who had a little smile on his face, but students being students, I thought nothing of it.
As soon as the doors close he goes right in to a party boy style routine, Velcro rip off trousers and sparkly jock strap, the works. It was very funny at first so I kind of played along and danced with him, but then he proceeds to rip open my shirt and drop to his knees in front of me just as the doors open to a packed lobby, full of people waiting to go up. The shock on the frozen faces of horror lasted until the doors closed. All I managed to blurt out was “I don’t even know this guy.”
Probably didn’t look great.
Image source: anon
#50
Wasn’t really that crazy at all, but it’s the only one I really have.
Stayed at a friend’s place the other night because I’m a commuter and I couldn’t hack going back and forth after a late night work assignment one night. He has the nicest condo I have ever seen, but also keeps it insanely dirty. He and his roommate work a lot, so they don’t have time to clean it. When I woke up and ate breakfast I snapped and started cleaning his counter. I polished [it]. Granite countertops just deserve to shine, man. So when he came out of the shower with one seriously raised eyebrow looking at me scrubbing his stovetop, I was just like, “I can explain.”
Unfortunately, my explanation was “I’m a neurotic freak who can’t stand eating in a dirty kitchen.”
If I had the time I would have cleaned his bathroom too.
Image source: anon
#51
Class mates were playing with a small ball in corridor, annoyed teacher shout several times at them, ask them to stop immediately. Those [jerks] aren’t stopping at all and I don’t want to be involved. I put my foot on that ball to stop it and BZOIIINNNG right in the teacher’s classroom … 4 hours of detention and a blame. Ten years later that story is still haunting me.
Image source: anon
#52
Once we were filming a fake informercial for a fake product in english class, and we decided to add (fake) interviews with random funny background events, like a couple kissing _very_ passionately, a guy waving to the camera and getting hit by a telephone post, and a guy getting robbed and beated down… and on that one a police car just passed by and we had to explain it.
Image source: sophie_hp
#53
In the 90’s I played this game called–I think–Fantasmagoria. I got stuck so I got permission from my parents to call one of those official hint lines. A month or two later my brother and I are getting grilled as to who ran up the phone bill calling “Virgin Entertainment”. We were both punished and I didn’t figure out what was going on till weeks later when I was looking at the game box and noticed that it was published by Virgin.
EDIT: I confronted her with my evidence way after the punishment. I basically just got a, “oh, thats nice.” Pissed me off…
Image source: IRageAlot
#54
I was talking to myself to try to study and then my dad walked in the room and saw me spinning on my desk chair talking to me.
Image source: Bctattler
#55
Its not crazy but I hurt my index finger playing football when I was younger so any time I have to scratch my eye or face I have to use my middle finger. It looks like I’m subtly trying to give people the finger. Have to explain when people get offended.
Image source: anon
#56
I was in college and was making out with my boyfriend at the time. The room was dark and cozy. After an hour or so, we stopped and we ended up talking about history and somehow wandered over to how Central American history directly effected America –
Cue in my roommates opened the door and walked in. We’re still wrapped up all in each other, clothes in disarray – me being an awkward teen immediately sits up and yells “IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! WE’RE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE HISTORY OF LATIN AMERICA!”
Him: Yes!
My roommate looked at me with big eyes, “That is the stupidest excuse I ever heard…”
For a long time after that if I was going to go see any boy, my roommates would say “oh. discussing latin American History, huh?”
It was the truth.
Image source: float_porcupine
#57
Two Saturday’s ago, I got a friend request from some random kid during school (detention on Saturday’s for truency.) We were having a break and I didn’t know who he was so I whipped out the ol’ phone and did some creeping. After looking through a few pictures, I deduced that he looked vaguely familiar. I felt kind of creepy for being a creep, so I looked behind me to see if someone was; and the boy was there. The SAME kid I was creeping on was watching everything I was doing on my phone and even dared to lock awkward eye contact with me. There wasn’t a word said, I just turned around and showed his facebook to a friend to confirm if it was him or not and well, it was his.
TLDR creeped on someone while they watched.
Image source: mairoflcoptergosoi
#58
Ran into the zoo’s front office, “I’m here to move the rhino!
I won’t need help from any employees, but I could use a dolly.”
Backstory: Made a sculpture with at-risk teens and was there to install it.
They had not been told.
Image source: ListenChump
#59
So I was in about 7th or 8th grade and my gf was over. She had to go to the bathroom. The entrance to the bathroom was in my room. I went in to my room to get something and accidentally shut the door by force of habit. Somehow, the door ended up being locked, and right at that moment my dad came upstairs and tried to come in. I ended up having to explain that my gf and I were up to nothing, which he didn’t buy very easily.
Image source: anon
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