Well, that was awkward.
And awesome.
Admittedly, I had kind of lost hope in this cycle of Top Model after an uneventful, nonsensical episode last week. The Americans were hideously boring, the shoot failed to be as artsy as it tried to be, and the show was focusing too much on the rivalry aspect vs., y’know, finding a competent model and whatnot. Once a cycle of Top Model nosedives like that, it very rarely fully recovers, with Tyra and company content to go own the rabbit hole of awful, self-serving reality TV and never look back. But I’ll be damned if they didn’t get it together already.
How about a relevant Top Model challenge? In 2012? Be still my heart. This week, Team Brit and Team Amurrica had to design their own ad campaigns for very.com and were in charge of every aspect: casting, make-up, photo picking, etc. It shone a spotlight on everybody’s creativity and knowledge of things other than smizing fiercely, making solid use of the team challenge format to give us a look at what the girls can do. Plus, for the viewers at home, putting all these girls together in a group setting makes their personalities and working style become much clearer, so if you weren’t sure who you liked before, “Cat Deeley” came to the rescue. Personally, I think Team Brit turned it out for the most part, with a majority of their photos hitting their 60s mod theme beautifully at the midpoint between modernity and homage. They had a really clean, chic presentation that played to their strengths, while Team America: World Police was a little all over the place. It produced a couple of very strong photos (Laura, Azmarie), but nothing they did read punk love. It came off as really poor catalog modeling, so I’m not quite sure why they didn’t get critique for going off theme as much as they did. The styling didn’t help matters in terms of theme, but what hurt the Americans most was themselves, as Seymone, Candace, Eboni, and Kyle all gave weird, stiff, off-theme performances that translated into weak photos. I don’t know if it’s because of their lack of experience or lack of references/knowledge of the fashion world, but it was painful to watch them bring one-note brokedown JC Penney realness.
Punk is all about rawness, about wild energy, about having that “I don’t give a damn” attitude from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, so Team America was just too mannered to do any damage this week.
Speaking of damage, what about the whole Kelly/Louise thing? Personally, I’m not sure whose side I’m on, but I do think that their little tiff made for excellent, excellent TV. I agree with Louise that just because Kelly is the rank that she is doesn’t give her the right to talk to people any kind of way (WTF Tyra), but I only wish she had channeled that frustration into her modeling and started ominating the competition. Louise could have handled it better than she did, eventually quitting the competition after Kelly started in on her at panel, but man, did Kelly come off as being horribly sour. I’ve bemoaned the loss of Janice from Top Model every chance I’ve gotten, but the thing I liked about Janice was the humor she brought to the show. She had moments of being a mean, ugly person that took a little too much joy in cutting a girl down, but she was a lively presence that could just as easily praise a girl to high heavens as faux make out with Tyra to prove a point. Kelly’s got a lot of technical knowledge that I like to hear at panel, since Nigel became useless about 10 cycles ago, but she comes off like a disaffected, nastier Janice. Janice could be a total snob, but she knew her stuff and, more importantly, how to present that knowledge without being a turn off to the viewer or the girls; Kelly seems very smart about the fashion business, but the attitude she’s bringing is a little too entitled, a little too dry for me to latch onto her as a judge quite yet.
The only negative about the episode was the “mini challenge”, where Tyra plugged both her recent Harvard graduation and her novel Modelland. Bestowing intoxibella names for each girl based on their strongest asset (Era-descent! Illuminata! 30-Never!), it came off too much like the “brand expert” from last cycle and makes me scared they’ll use the name to evaluate photos from here on out. I actually loved what Tyra had to say about being a businesswoman and a model at the same time, but please, reality TV gods, let this be a one-time, cute diversion. I got a little perturbed when they keyed in on Alisha not living up to her Gam-a-Tronica name by not showcasing her legs in her photo, only because A) they didn’t bring up anybody else’s name in a negative light and B) it’d be a travesty if this is the function of the names going forward. The winner of cycle 18 shouldn’t be based on some arbitrary fictional name given to them and how they subsequently live up to that; critique the girls for not selling the garment properly and whatnot, but making stuff like the Modelland names become a judging point is what I’ve not liked about some of the past Top Model cycles. Having criteria to judge the girls on a weekly basis is one thing, but if Top Model wants to churn out a top model, they’re going to have to use more real world-relevant means of judging their contestants.
I don’t think that Zac Posen is going to have a girl in for a go-see, only to be like “you were fierce, girl, but you weren’t giving me Andro-genia. I’m sorry, I can’t take you in my show.”
Look at Top Model, bouncing back after a poor week last week. Containing the best challenge they’ve had in ages and some good drama, “Cat Deeley” was just a fun episode of TV that balanced the usual Top Model silliness with something tangibly relevant to the fashion world. We got to see how much knowledge the girls came into the competition with, as well as how they work together, so the slightly muddled crop of aspiring models this season is slowly but surely becoming more clear. It’s a shame that Louise quit the competition and let Kelly get to her that much, if only because she had enormous potential, but there are some interesting, talented girls in the mix this cycle that could produce a strong winner. If only she lives up to her intoxibella name, of course.
Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:
-“Am I smizing?”
-“We’re like her little chickens.”
-“Transcend time!”
-“I’m not doing a monkey.”
-“Why didn’t I be fierce leader?”
-“This is, y’know, a fashion shoot. Let’s not look dead.”
-“Did you forget what your name was whilst you were picking the pictures?”
-Final Call Out Order: Azmarie, Sophie, Laura, Kyle, Catherine, Seymone, Annaliese, and Louise had the eight usable shots. Candace, Eboni, Alisha, and Ashley were called safe after Louise quit.
-Most important question ever: Who was hotter, Charlie (Team Brit’s model) or Joe (Team America’s model)?
-Seymone is a hot mess, y’all. I’m about my sleep, too, but I’m not about to throw a tantrum over a stupid prank like she did.
-Does Candace remind anybody else of Bianca from cycle 9?
-The yellow strip around Tyra’s cleavage was from the cape, right? I was living for that cape/diva fan combination, I can’t even lie.
-Bestosterone. That is all.
-The blatant Virgin Mobile product placement made me laugh. Make that coin, Top Model.
-I love how Tyra named Candace Exotica, if only because it gave me For the Love of Ray J flashbacks.
-Next week on Top Model: The girls are shooting commercials and Alisha gets into it with Kyle over their critiques.
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