Working as a server can be rewarding, but it’s also incredibly challenging. You have a huge stream of customers to keep happy, each with their own wants, needs, and characters. And sometimes, you wait on tables that accidentally throw you into the middle of a drama.
In a hilarious online thread oozing with secondhand embarrassment, servers opened up about their most awkward moments at work, when they came to the table at the worst possible time. Proposals-gone-wrong are just the tip of the iceberg of cringe. Scroll down to read their stories, and remember to be kind to your waiters! Don’t subject them to your nonsense.
#1
As I approached the table, a lady brushed me out of the way and sat down next to the couple there. The couple were obviously on a date. The lady turns to the woman on the date and said, “So, I’m his wife. Who are you?”.
Image source: jetsjane, freepik
#2
I came to the table while they praying before their meal about their dying relative. It was so awkward, I joined in.
“heyy guys, here’s that tartar and cocktail yall….. LORD PLEASE HELP JENNIFER OVERCOME CANCER”.
Image source: Sir_Crouton, freepik
#3
I’ve been on both sides of this one.
When I was 12 my mom took me and my two younger brothers (7&8) to chili’s for dinner. After we ordered our food she started telling us that her and our father had been having a lot of problems, and would be getting a divorce. Just about the time she finishes her spiel about both of them still loving us the food comes to the table and all three of us start crying, my youngest brother bawling his eyes out.
Fast forward 15ish years. I’m waiting tables at your local crab hut, and as I walk out of the kitchen towards my table I see the 4 children at the table start to tear up and cry and the parents avoid eye contact as I set the food down. Really wanted to tell those kids that things would still be ok.
Image source: sligmasta, DC Studio
Secondhand embarrassment is something that the vast majority of us have experienced. Also known as vicarious embarrassment, it’s what you feel when someone else has an experience that is particularly embarrassing, causing you to feel embarrassment, discomfort, shame or guilt as well, the Cleveland Clinic explains.
“Even though you weren’t part of making that person trip and you weren’t the one who fell, you can still feel the emotion that they’re probably feeling,” clinical health psychologist Marielle Collins, PhD, states.
“A lot of times, these feelings can come with anxiety and a fear of negative social evaluation. Anxiety can be distressing and may get in the way of whatever you’re doing in the moment.”
In a nutshell, secondhand embarrassment happens because human beings are consciously self-aware of how they’re perceived by others. Your mind is wired in a way that simulates the emotional experience and feelings of other people.
In other words, you’re born hardwired for empathy and sociability. Broadly speaking, being more empathetic means that you’re more likely to experience more secondhand embarrassment, too.
#4
Guy and girlfriend come into our restaurant for dinner. Guy then secretly tells me he has a ring and wants to propose to her and wants it to be all special. I was to wait until a specific time and come and ask if the table “needed anything else” and them he would say “I do. I need her.” And then get down on his knee, etc. etc.
I thought it was cheesy, but hey I wanted to help the guy out and be a part of something like that, so I said I’d do it.
I get to the table and ask the question, he then pops THE question and she burst into tears. But not good happy tears. She then blurts out that she wants to break up and that she was in love another guy, apparently a friend of his.
I just slowly backed away from the table as his entire world came crashing down on him.
Image source: faster_than_sound, pressfoto
#5
“I can’t tell you I love you more than anyone! I love my mother more and won’t betray her like that.”
They conversation continued from there into cringe-land.
Image source: anon, cookie_studio
#6
Early 2000, I served a couple, as soon as they were seated the guy got a phone call, and proceeded to take the call – it lasted the entire meal. His wife/girlfriend was furious by the time I brought out the dessert, which was when he finally hung up the phone and she said “frick you and frick your mum, we can’t even have one night out!”.
Image source: Chewforwarda, ohlamour studio
If you want to be kind to your server, it’s not enough to tip well and avoid causing drama (though these things certainly help!).
The Wall Street Journal suggests thinking of yourself not as a patron, but as your server’s partner.
“People come in thinking they’re paying for an experience, so they don’t have to worry about being a good diner. I think that mindset is what gets them off on the wrong foot. It helps if you come in with more openness and curiosity about what’s going on in the restaurant,” management consultant Max Fulton told the WSJ.
Even saying something as simple as “we’re excited to be here” can build solidarity with your waiter and disarm any cynicism.
#7
A couple came in and they were arguing already, but once they sat down it got progressively worse and louder.
I felt embarrassed because the table right across from them was celebrating a Birthday.
I rounded up everyone I could find….about 7 of us, and we sang the Happy Birthday song as loud as we all could.
The arguing couple left shortly thereafter…
Image source: carmabound, Mikhail Nilov
#8
My roommate is a bartender and he came up to a couple seated at the bar right when the man handed his wife divorce papers.
Image source: YouCompreteMe, Curated Lifestyle
#9
Not as awkward as it is sad.
I’ve been a server for a while, and one of my regulars was a older couple. They hadn’t been to the restaurant for a few months, but the menu changed and we had lost a bunch of regulars. -I’m clueless-
About a month ago the husband comes in alone, and I ask him about his wife. He started crying and told me she died and he was afraid to come in alone. I sat down and hugged him for a while, then grabbed the owner who talked with him over dinner.
He stayed 5 hours.
Note to all servers, you don’t know what kind of day your customer is having. Be a good human.
Image source: Vikings4Breakfast, Bjarne Vijfvinkel
Meanwhile, Arjav Ezekiel, the co-owner of Bridie’s in Austin, Texas, pointed out to the WSJ that being present might be more important than simply being nice.
“Put down your phone and engage with the staff. The most important thing for a guest is to feel seen, and I think that’s true for the service team too.”
Furthermore, it’s important for guests to follow the rules the restaurant has set out. Making exceptions for one group of customers can mean compromising on the quality of the experience for other guests. “I think of the restaurant as the dinner party and the diner as the invitee,” Ezekiel added, stressing that it’s vital to respect the rules of the house.
#10
At a restaurant where I used to bartend we had jokester manager. One day she said to a server; “Sarah, I just sat you a table, you’ll need a high-chair.” So sarah goes to greet her table with a high-chair assuming her party has a small child. When she gets there, she finds three adults, one of whom is a midget.
edit: I guess I should have added that the manager and the waitress were very close friends.
Image source: joelomite11, daniel Patel
#11
A man asked for a refill of bread, so when I drop it off, he immediately sticks his finger in the whole where the knife was and say out loud, *”oooh yea thats good bread”*. I can’t make that up. I turn right back around and speed walk straight to the kitchen to laugh uncontrollably.
Image source: kingofclovers, Saj Shafique
#12
I set down a plate of garlic bread as a girl was turning down a marriage proposal.
“I… I… I’m sorry. I just can’t marry you. Its-“
“Alright! Who’s ready for some breadsticks!?”.
Image source: roseanna777, studiopeace
What are the most embarrassing things that you’ve ever witnessed at a restaurant or cafe, whether as a server or a guest? As a server, how would you like to be treated by your customers? On the flip side, what do you appreciate the most when being waited on while dining out?
How do you handle public situations that practically radiate secondhand embarrassment? Scroll down to share your insights in the comments at the bottom of this post.
#13
Had a table came in for this guys birthday. It was a surprise birthday dinner hosted by his girlfriend, although she didn’t realise that 2 of his female ‘friends’ she had invited were also sleeping with him.
I came over to the table just as one girl stood up and yelled “you jerk” to another and stormed out. The second one threw a drink on the guy and walked out. The girlfriend with tears running down of her face asked of the bill and then exits. I come back to the table with the bill with the guy drenched in wine and 5 of his remaining friends still there in hysterics.
Image source: Smellbag, seventyfour
#14
I am not a waiter, but I work in food service.
one time I was getting an order together for a Guy and Girl,and their three kids. As Their walking away, the guy hangs back a little and says to me.
“Me and my wife are getting a divorce so this is the last night out as husband and wife with the kids.”
I stood there, wide eyed, unsure of what to say. I managed a few awkward statements (Oh…um…. sorry….) as he turned to rejoin the rest of his family.
Image source: dawrina, Toa Heftiba
#15
I waited on a couple who apparently came in alllll the time. Sweet as can be, all lovey dovey, they were apparently together for a long time, but I hadn’t seen them yet because they generally only showed up during the day.
10 minutes into their date, the woman gets up, throws her panini in his face, and storms out of the diner. I was dumbfounded and my coworkers had no idea what to say. They all were so happy when that couple came in and seethed with jealousy when they were seated at my section. The man apologised profusely and handed me WAY more money than he owed, assuring me that he meant to and that the change was mine.
I felt bad. They did seem nice. I hope they worked things out.
Image source: carlythesniper, EyeEm
#16
At 18, having just found my first real job whilst supporting myself through uni, I walked over to a table to ask them if everything was okay with their meals…
As soon as I asked I noticed that one of the guys was wiping away tears, the other had a look on his face I had never encountered before…
“So what you’re saying is you thought there was a chance you had HIV but you still slept with me?!”
I didn’t know what to do. Backed off, didn’t go back.
Image source: I_DUCK_SICK, EyeEm
#17
I served a few years back as a first job. One time, going to the table to ask them a question, I hear, “well you got a vasectomy for HER…”
As soon as the lady saw me, she stopped. I’ve always wondered what the extent of that conversation was.
Image source: Colton_B, pressfoto
#18
Well, walking up and talking before you realize they’re praying is always awkward.
Also, worked in a bar a while back. Girl was sitting at the bar alone for a while, crying. Awkward as hell, so we give her a beer on the house. She explains that the guy she was seeing just dumped her out of nowhere. We feel bad, console her, etc.
A little while later, guy joins her. And they’re visibly arguing. He’s straight-faced while she’s crying. The bar is loud, so she’s not wailing or anything, but she’s crying pretty hard.
Again, so weird. Why would you do this in public? Her and the guy sit there for like 2 hours. I don’t understand why you’d stay and drink/hang out with a girl you just dumped.
Later in the night, he starts hitting on another girl at the bar while this chick is in the bathroom.
I go to the bathroom to make sure she’s okay and she’s on the floor hysterical and mentioning her inhaler. She has friends standing around her, and they are doing nothing. Just standing there. So I have to go back to where she was sitting and ask the guy which purse is hers. He tries to play macho and act like he doesn’t know until I get right in his face and he immediately points to her purse.
I am just floored. She came here with friends and they let her sit at the bar and be dumped and cry in public.. and now she’s needing an inhaler and no one is doing anything..?
It was the weirdest situation ever. By the way everyone acted, I assumed maybe she’s the drama queen of the group and no one wants to deal with it, but.. don’t hang out with her if that’s the case. Don’t leave your friend hysterically asking for an inhaler on the floor of a bar bathroom.
Image source: anon, Getty Images
#19
I once approached a couple of our regulars and saw the wife making a hole with her left thumb and pointer (like the “a-okay gesture), then taking her fist and pushing it into that hole and twisting her arm as she opened up her fingers around her arm then violently pushing her fist forward and back.
I showed up to their table, completely stunned, and the wife saw me then quickly covered her face in embarrassment. After a couple moments of awkward silence, she just looked at me and said “That was exactly what you think it was.” The two of them and I started laughing and the awkwardness was gone.
The next time they came in the wife held up her fist and cocked and eyebrow at me, and that became how we greeted each other any time we saw each other. It stayed this way until I left that restaurant.
Image source: Bad-Selection, Flowo
#20
Whenever the elderly mother is making racist remarks about other patrons in the restaurant…
Image source: tamed-carrot, DC Studio
#21
The family of a girl I went to school with came in and I took their order. When I took them their food they were all praying, hands joined.
I considered just putting the plates down in the middle of the table and leaving but a) the way they were holding each other’s hands made that impossible, and b) that would have been rude, or whatever. So I just ended up standing beside the table holding their meals, which were getting heavier and heavier the longer they prayed. Finally they finished and opened their eyes and smiled at me as if I had just arrived and it wasn’t an awkward situation. Actually, I don’t think they *did* consider it awkward. But it totally was and I was wary of going to that table for the rest of the night.
Image source: slapmyhandnow, freepik
#22
*walks up to a table to check on them*
“…and thats the first time i saw a d**d body.”.
Image source: nativelementx, dmitrytph
#23
A couple complaining to my manager about me. I took too long to bring her appletini so she “doesn’t even want to eat here anymore”.
Image source: anon, wayhomestudio
#24
I am a male, as I approached the booth I was serving, 4 male patrons (who were clearly homosexual) were having a chuckle and failed to see me approaching. As I approach I overhear “I hope our waiter is gay too.” They knew I heard them, but I ignored it the rest of the meal, awkardly, but succesfully.
Image source: Rdunklee, freepik
#25
Witnessed a woman pulling out a jar of dead bugs. She then proceeded to put one into her food, and flag me down expecting a compensated bill.
#26
Was a bartender. Was on my way to the kitchen behind the bar and it suddenly registered in my head that I just passed an older, chubby gent who had a near- empty glass. I turned around to ask him if he wanted a refill when the shutter noise of his phone went off. His phone was aimed in my direction, butt level.
Image source: anon
#27
Waited on, cleared, and cleaned tables as a glassy at my old job…..walked in on the (I presumed newly wed couple) describing what they were going to do to each other when they got home from the pub…
My presence did nothing to stop them… :'(.
Image source: A_Grilled_Porkchop
#28
I’m a poolside server at a country club. As I walk up to the first customers of the day, (mom and two children) the mom starts changing her 6-7 year old son right outside on the patio. Here I am trying to tell them the specials of the day while there’s a kid showing off what he’s got. If your kid can order his own food don’t change him in broad daylight.
Image source: totesnotrobin
#29
Walked to the table, the customers were talking about how much they hate black people.
Image source: WillsBlackWilly
#30
Mmm…… Probably the times when I bring food out and it’s just sitting in my hands and both people at the table are playing with their phone exactly where the plate of food needs to go.
Also that time I accidentally spilled practically an entire bucket of marinara sauce on someone. She was super, duper nice about it though.
Image source: anon
#31
Middle of a breakup. I had already taken their drink order, and when I got back with the drinks they were glowering at each other and talking through clenched teeth in that seething “I’m not yelling at you because we’re in public but you’re really in for it when we get to the car” tone. I drop the drinks off, and as I’m walking away I hear “Fine. F you.” and she storms past me.
By the time I came back out of the kitchen, he was gone too. I guess they weren’t hungry after all.
Image source: anon
#32
I walk up to a table and recognize my friend and her boyfriends parents. I was friends with the boyfriend too and had been trying to get a hold of him for a few weeks (I didn’t have her number). I came to the table, said hello, and asked how he was doing and if he was just really busy or something.
“He died last week. “
His mother delivered this news with a smile on her face. I smiled back, excused myself, went to the kitchen and bawled.
Image source: danirat
#33
I’m a bus boy but I was stocking silverware and I heard a group of middle aged women talking about their tinder conquests.
Image source: skaterkid007
#34
Once had an old guy (between 60/70, beige trenchcoat… you know the type) come in and sit by himself for a while. He was then joined by an attractive 19 y/o blonde girl (I knew she was 19 because I had to ID her. Looked super young.)
Anyway. She ordered a glass of wine (or rather, he ordered it for her) and he had another beer. I assumed she was just the granddaughter or something, were it not for the fact she looked SO uncomfortable. Their table was RIGHT next to the bar where I was bartending, so I couldn’t NOT listen in. Noticed him touching her in a way that a grandad does not, and her telling him about various daddy issues that sounded ever so slightly made up; “he was never there, but i’ve always needed a father figure” etc etc.
Turns out it was a sugar daddy type deal, he was finding out what she can “offer” him, he had a “couple more people to see,” etc. He escorted her out, hand on the lower back, full on creep mode. I shuddered and thought no more of it until I saw the guy in another bar when I went out for drinks after work. He was on the phone, saying things like “you in bed now babe? I’ll tuck you in. Daddy’s here. I’ll let you know if I choose you in the morning, what you wearing baby?” etc etc.
Image source: faraway2
#35
The woman on the date looked like a deer in the headlights and very quickly got up and left. She just said, “I’m sorry” to the lady, didn’t even look at the man. The wife then spent the next 20 minutes quietly making the husband squirm, as she had sat next to him in the booth and blocked him in. Eventually, she left, and he awkwardly paid the bill (big tip) and left also. It was somewhat anti-climactic, but I had mad respect for the wife. I hope she left him for good.
Image source: jetsjane
#36
Not a waiter, but a busser. It was Fathers Day and a new table of two had just sat down. The guy was facing away from me so he couldn’t see when I would be coming.
Anyway, I was about to reach their table and fill their glasses with some water (remember, this guy still can’t see me) when he suddenly says to his girlfriend, “You ready to make me a daddy tonight?”
Yeah, the look on his face once he realized I was right there was priceless.
Image source: billabong2630
#37
Woman comes in with a baby on her hip to confront her husband and his girlfriend. She went off!! We all watched from the vestibule :).
Image source: caitbate
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