Lost Askew: “LaFleur” in Review

Apologies for the delay. Time to throw that frozen donkey wheel in reverse and recap LaFleur, the latest episode of Season 5.

Era unknown. Sawyer is attempting to pull Locke up on the rope in The Well but he’s wasting his time. The record has skipped again. The Well hasn’t been built yet. Doh. Juliet cools his jets with her hard-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside dirty hot doctor sympathy eyes. Miles spots the back of a giant statue. We all assume it is the infamous 4-toed statue. Myriad theories about Egyptian gods and goddesses abound; speculation about whether it is Anubis, Horus (Horace Goodspeed), Ra (Richard Alpert) or Taweret (goddess of birth; island fertility alert!). Then the white light (rather than the purple) flashes and the record skips again.

1974. Miles notes that the time shift felt different than the previous ones, more like an earthquake. Side note: that would likely topple a statue. No more nose bleeds and headaches for the group. They are stuck in time. The Well is there but it is filled with dirt. Sawyer wants to wait for Locke’s return. Faraday is a mess, mourning Charlotte and mumbling incomprehensibly about feelings and physics. Big Red is missing; her body moved with the last time shift. Sawyer channels Season 1 Leader Jack, and decides to take the group back to the beach. Juliet channels Season 4 Kate and mocks his lack of real plan.

En route, they hear gunshots and see two Hostiles, a dead body and and a woman with a bag over her head. Bonnie (Juliet) and Clyde (Sawyer) decide to take action. One of the Hostiles tries to take a shot at Sawyer but Juliet kills him. Sawyer kills the other one. The woman with the bag is Amy; her husband Paul was shot by the Hostiles. Or so she says. Amy insists that the group bury the two Hostiles and that they must carry Paul’s body back to the Barracks. At the sonic fence, Amy pretends to turn it off but secretly puts in ear plugs while the group moves through and is knocked out, temporarily unconscious.

Cut to Sawyer waking up in the rec room in Dharmaville (before it was New Otherton), chatting with Horace Goodspeed (the Dharma dude who recruited Ben & his dad to the island, and built Jacob’s cabin). Quick-thinking con man Sawyer introduces himself as Jim LaFleur and makes up a story about how he and his crew crashed on the island while searching for the Black Rock. But Horace wants them off the island and orders them on the sub the next day because they’re not ‘Dharma material.’ Juliet and the rest of the group are outside, discussing their options. She points out that she lived there for 3 years. Only Faraday seems to notice, but Baby Big Red walks by. She appears to be just a few years old at the time. He is distraught even more, if that is possible.

One of those grating Dharmalarms goes off, so Sawyer and the group are shuttled into a house. Guyliner (Richard Alpert) shows up. Apparently the sonic fence can keep out Smokey but not the ageless wonder. Horace goes out to talk with him, followed by Sawyer. He owns up to killing two of Guyliner’s men and inquires about Jughead (the bomb he saw 20 years earlier during a time shift). Guyliner is perplexed, but after Sawyer explains what he knows…he realizes that they’re not with Dharma. He still wants justice for his two men, so they compromise and Guyliner gets to take Paul’s body. Who the hell knows why. Amy agrees but only after removing Paul’s ankh necklace. Myriad theories abound, as the ankh is an Egyptian hieroglyphic symbol for eternal life (Guyliner, anyone?). And don’t forget the hieroglyphics both below the Orchid (near the frozen donkey wheel) and on the door to Ben’s secret spy smoke monster unleashing lair.

Sitting on the dock of the bay, Juliet tells Sawyer that Locke must have been successful because the time shifts stopped, and there is no need to wait for him on the island anymore. She lets him know that she’s been trying to leave for three years and will be on the sub in the morning, with or without him. Then he flashes his trademark seductive sexy swarthy Sawyer dimples and she decides to stay for two more weeks. Or so she thought.

1977. Two Dharma security guys are supposed to be monitoring the Barracks. One is dancing with a girl in a Geronimo Jackson tee with a disco Dharma ‘do. The other is pissed that he’s messing around. Their names are Phil and Jerry. Side note: the writers must be Dead Heads. The guys notice activity at the sonic fence. Horace is hammered and blowing sh*t up with dynamite. The pair debate about waking up the Head of Security, who turns out to be a clean shaven Sawyer. He dons a Dharma jumpsuit, his hair seems flat-ironed and he appears to be a nice guy. It is confusing and disconcerting. Sheriff Sawyer and sidekick Miles hop in a Dharma van and head out to the sonic fence to pick up Horace.

They bring him to Amy, who is now pregnant and married to Horace. She goes into premature labor. The baby is breech and she needs a c-section. The Dharma doc tells Sawyer that all women are taken off island via sub to deliver on the mainland, and that he’s never done such an operation. Sawyer heads out to find Juliet, who has transitioned from fertility doc to mechanic during these three years. I’d let her fix my car.

Even though Juliet protests helping and reminds Sawyer that they’re there undercover, she relents and goes to help deliver Amy’s baby. Sawyer and Jin await news about the baby and it is revealed that they’re still secretly searching for their people on the island (from Flight 815). Juliet comes out from the surgery and is both shocked and elated that both mother and baby boy lived. Of course we never find out the name of the child. So of course he’ll be ‘special’ and significant.

Cut to later that day. Sawyer is strolling through Dharmaville and stops to smell the roses. Well, he cuts a pretty flower. And he brings it to Juliet, who is preparing some fava beans with a nice Chianti. Ok, dinner and some Dharma Merlot. Turns out they have been playing house for three years, and are in love. Cue the kissing, which is far sweeter and less lusty than smooches of Skater past. She appreciates that he believes in her. Too bad Locke couldn’t say the same for Jack. Not that they’re dating.

Sawyer is with Horace when he wakes from his severe hangover, and tells him that he missed the birth of his son. Sawyer wants to know why Horace went on a drinking binge, and he said it was because he found Paul’s ankh necklace in Amy’s drawer. Dude is insecure even after three years. Sawyer vaguely tells the story about how he was into Kate three years ago, in an unconvincing attempt to assure Horace that three years is enough time to get over someone. Side note: this bums me out. I love Juliet and like them together; she deserves some joy.

Cut to Sawyer and Juliet in bed, spooning and sleeping. She’s naked and he’s in boxers and a wife beater. Lame. The phone rings, and it’s Jin with news. Sawyer gets dressed but doesn’t tell Juliet anything. He hops in a Dharma jeep and drives out to a valley. Jin pulls up in a Dharma van, and out walk Hurley, Jack and Kate. Sawyer seems genuinely surprised but not quite ecstatic. He’s got some ‘splaining to do.

That is the tale of Sheriff Jim James Ford LaFleur Sawyer.

[Jo is a Lost and pop culture blogger who needs to take a break from theorizing long enough to recap her favorite show once a week with a sense of humor. This is the site to do so. All of her other Lost posts can be found at: http://jopinionated.blogspot.com]