One of the Hogwarts professors used to say in the Harry Potter books that you need to have an innate talent for Potions, and no books can replace its absence. Most likely, he was right – at least, this is absolutely true for those activities that are most akin to Potions, only for Muggles. Yes, we are now talking about cooking.
Many people are completely convinced that spoiling food when you do not know how to cook at all is a real kitchen crime. From this point of view, there are petty hooligans, and there are absolute gangsters whose every approach to the stove turns into a natural disaster and a threat to the lives of others. And, unfortunately, there are many such people.
Recently, a new question appeared in the AskReddit community: “What’s the worst home cooking you’ve ever witnessed?”, which caused a lively interest among redditors. At least as of today, the original post has over 8.4K upvotes and about 3.5K comments listing culinary crimes of varying severity.
Bored Panda compiled a list for you of the most popular, funny and even life-threatening stories from this thread, so now feel free to scroll to the very end, write your own comments – and never, under any circumstances, repeat the mistakes of the ‘heroes’ of these tales! Anyway, bon appetite!
More info: Reddit
#1 Failing To Cook A Simple Meal, Eggs, Bacon, Toast
I worked at a restaurant for years and always loved making food at home for friends and family. Practice has made me fast and efficient. So I always cooked and made new dishes at home for me and my roommate.
One morning out of the blue my roommate wanted to make me breakfast because he wanted to thank me I suppose. It was a nice gesture. I didn’t want to intervene so I let him do everything and just peaked from time to time.
It was a simple meal, eggs, bacon, toast.
He went through the whole carton of eggs because he kept burning them. He ruined the pan by scraping with a butter knife, after that everything was sticking to it, forgot the season. It was a mess. Somehow managed to burn a lot of toast in the process, also burned the bacon multiple times that the house got full of smoke and just continue cooking with low visibility. Once I realized he wasn’t gonna do anything about the smoke I opened the windows, doors and turned fan on, by that point I was already eyeing the fire extinguisher just in case.
Then it hit me. He’s never cooked a meal in his life.
He said his mom only fed him to-go food and microwave meals.
It was a nice meal.
Image source: outdoorschillguy, Kai Hendry
#2 Collecting Breadcrumbs From The Chicken’s Container
We have a plastic container full of breadcrumbs that we make from stale bread. I was making breaded chicken/kotlets with my sibling, and we were using said breadcrumbs to do so. My siblings plan to avoid more cleaning up was to just dip the eggy raw chicken into the breadcrumb container, as this can then just be put back afterwards. After I caught them doing this, I said we would have to throw out all the breadcrumbs afterwards, to which they were confused as to why, because to them all the breadcrumbs that touched the chicken would have been picked up. It resulted in a big argument and despite everyone else explaining why it was bad, they still do not see why. Have never trusted them with food hygiene again.
Image source: benicco, bob walker
#3 Praising The Culinary Talents Of A Person Who Turned Out To Be A Terrible Cook
Different players would host the DnD game and we would usually order food. But one day, X really wanted to host, and told us he’d cook us his famous Shepherd’s Pie. Another friend of ours, Y, never shut up about how good this dish was whenever the topic of cooking came up, so we were excited.
It was watery, unseasoned mashed potatoes. The ground beef was dry, crunchy-crumbly… And unbelievably salty. No other seasoning. Just salt. Too much salt.
Our friend Y was moaning about how good it was and my partner and I were shook (and hungry).
Turns out X had anosmia. He couldn’t taste anything but saltiness, which was why his food was both bland and salty. Y was just an idiot.
Image source: tomato_songs, Stevie Rocco
#4 Exploding A Lemon Meringue Pie
Outing myself here: I once exploded a lemon meringue pie.
Looked in the oven to check if the meringue was brown and it was…not on the pie. It was intact, several inches to the right of the crust and filling. The whole meringue layer had lifted up and repositioned itself in the oven like an eggy UFO.
All I can figure is that through some odd science magic involving the temperature of the filling, moisture, steam and/or a curse, pressure built up between filling and meringue and POOF takeoff.
Image source: neonfuzzball, Martin Cathrae
#5 Sink Pasta
Sink pasta.
When I was little we went over to my grandmas friends house for a party. There were snacks on the kitchen table and I helped myself as a child does lol I make my way over to the stove because I’m a nosy kid and wanted to see what was for dinner. Mashed potatoes, a roast in the oven, pie, cookies, gravy, all these glorious items.
Then I see the sink. On one side of the sink is full of pasta, peas, cheese chunks, red peppers, and a white sauce…and it was just all mixed together in the sink. The other side, uncut fruit and dirty dishes. Now, we came early because my grandma was going to help her friend set everything up. So I run out to where they are and say, “grandma! There’s pasta in the sink! Do you want me to throw it away?!” Her friend says, “no sweetheart, that’s sink pasta, that’s how you make it.”
I looked over at my grandma mortified. Since she raised me and we were always in the kitchen together she drilled into me about cleanliness with cooking and the sink was ALWAYS considered very dirty even if it was clean. A blueberry fell in the sink? It got re-washed, that’s just how grandma was. Sink=dirty. I was always forced to try everything once until that day. I was being watched to make sure I tried it and I just couldn’t get over my kid brain freaking out about how gross the sink is. People seemed to really enjoy it. I spit it out and upset the host but I just told my grandma I could taste the sink and cried. She didn’t make me eat more, in fact, she didn’t even have any! Some of the other guests started asking questions about why I said it tasted like the sink when it was in a bowl (it was transferred to a bowl before guests showed up). So the host had to explain sink pasta and it wasn’t much touched after that lol
TLDR I was little, saw sink pasta, was forced to eat it, and I made a scene, because GROSS lol
Image source: BabyEatingPanda, Phil Denton
#6 Chicken With A Sauce Composed Of Balsamic Glaze, Caesar Dressing, And A Splash Of Kool-Aid
I have a friend who’s an objectively decent cook, she knows meat temperatures and what a microwave can and can’t be used for. But when she starts to get creative, all hell breaks loose.
She once served me chicken with a sauce composed of balsamic glaze, Caesar dressing, and a splash of Kool-Aid, among other things I can’t immediately recall. I think an instant ramen packet went in there? I’m actually thinking of signing her up for HelloFresh as a birthday gift so she literally only gets what’s supposed to be in the recipe
Image source: luella27, Michael Lehet
#7 A Kinda ‘Vegan’ Omelette
I had an old friend back in college who claimed to be vegan. I didn’t understand this since she drank milk and ate cheese, which clearly are NOT vegan but insisted meat and eggs are wrong to consume. This one time she invited me over for lunch and decided to make a ‘Vegan’ omelette. I’m not a vegan, but am always open to trying new dishes. Now, I know there are options for egg substitutes out there and thought she would use one of those. Nope. She dissolved a whole box of saltine crackers in milk, sautéed some veggies in a pan, then dumped the soggy cracker concoction into it. Cooked it for a few minutes the. Added some cheese. She then divided it in half and served it to me on a plate. I’ve had some very good vegan dishes in my life but that was definitely not one of them.
Image source: Zera1930, Andy Melton
#8 Microwaved Frozen Chicken Breasts Until Thawed, Then Cooked Naked On A Sheet Pan
Microwaved frozen chicken breasts until thawed, then cooked naked on a sheet pan and served shredded for tacos. Bonus, they were not seasoned because “that’s what the salsa is for!” This was for a dinner we were specifically invited over for. We have not been over since.
Image source: mulattolovesavocado, Wendy
#9 Being A Living Kitchen Threat
Depends on what you consider the worst.
Most inedible meal? Hands down my brother. My kids have food allergies. Bro decided years ago that no one has food allergies. They are just brainwashed into thinking they have them. So he won’t tell us if he put things they are allergic to in his cooking. So we don’t eat anything he cooks.
Most unsanitary? This event happened right after the last time he tried to make my kids eat something they are allergic to. Hands down, Bro. He married a nurse for a short time. While they were dating, he invited her over for some ham, beans and cornbread for dinner. As they are dishing up the beans, he says that it is okay if they taste a little funny. He accidentally left them sitting out for 2 days and they got a little mold. He scraped it off and then stirred in some bleach to make it safe to eat. She ordered a pizza. She still married him after this, which has always boggled my mind.
Most disgusting food combinations? Again, Bro. At one point he was visiting my family and he surprised us with breakfast. He wanted to make omelets for us. He used sweet pickle relish instead of bell pepper. He used coffee instead of milk. I have no idea what else he did to it because I was not putting that weird colored awful s**t in my mouth. He also had pancakes made. That he insisted were best with French dressing instead of syrup. He tried choking that down and it made him barf. Then he had a tantrum because none of us would eat any of it (not even his dog would eat this nastiness). Just the smell of the food had my cat in fit. For years after that, she tried to bury Bro like a s**t in her litter box. That cat of mine could hold a grudge forever!
Weirdest worst home cooking? It wasn’t my aunt’s dish called secret squirrel. I never did figure out what was in it, but no way was I eating anything with that name as a kid. Or it could be the dinner at my first serious boyfriend’s mother’s house. She cooked dinner as she explained how important it was for her to have all her fillings out and to have them replaced. But it had to be done at the top of a certain mountain in Colorado due to some strange paranormal superstition. I just did not even know what to say about that. She tried to open my mouth to see if I had fillings and needed this special treatment. Nope. Not happening.
Image source: GrizeldaLovesCats, Rebecca Siegel
#10 Something One Could Consider To Be ‘Tacos’
A friend of mine invited me over to help on an outside project and said he’d buy lunch and beer. I happily did so and the project ran well beyond lunch. No big deal to me, glad to help out however I can and had no real plans. We decided to have dinner at home and then walk to a nearby pub.
For dinner his then-wife cooked *tacos*. She took raw ground beef, added salt and pepper, folded it into a tortilla and deep-fried it on the stove. I knew better but I decided not to offend and ate some. Probably less than 1 to 1.5oz of meat.
We walked to the pub and I had maybe two beers, home by 10:30pm.
At about 2am, I felt my stomach churning. Texted my wife and told her I’d be leaving as soon as I could get off the toilet long enough to drive home. Left around 7am and the 40 minute drive took nearly 90 minutes because of all the stops.
It took about two days for my body to accept more than fluids.
Image source: Tobias_Flenders, Ted Major
#11 Maybe The Most Incredible Neglect Of Hygiene
A group reunion with college roommates. She dumped all of the chicken and vegetables for a chicken curry into a dirty sink beside a second sink filled with dirty dishes. She lost a piece of chicken down the garbage disposal and reached in to retrieve it. I looked over at our other old roommate and went, “Girl, we gon die tonight.” We smiled and prayed.
#12 Having Everything So Dry And Overcooked On Thanksgiving
1st Thanksgiving with the inlaws. Everything so dry and overcooked. Dry dry dry turkey. Dressing so overbaked it was hard & crusty (not in a good way). Mashed potatoes without enough milk or butter so they were stiff. Gravy very thick and gloppy so it didn’t help at all. Over-boiled veggies swimming in grease. Cheap store-bought pies.
Fortunately we left half way through when they started the god-talk/gay bashing. Never went back. F**k ’em.
Image source: RLS30076, Eden, Janine and Jim
#13 Burgers With Grill Cleaner Instead Of Oil
My uncle was grilling burgers and hot dogs and sprayed the grill with some “cooking oil/PAM” and also sprayed the tops of the burgers and dogs. . . Well we go to eat and they taste funny, turns out the spray was grill cleaner. . . So far we are all still alive
Image source: hurtfulproduct, Paul Swansen
#14 Probably The Worst Dumplings Ever
One time I was invited to a friend’s home, she said she’s cooking, I was excited since she’s from a different area in China, so the food must be different and good.
However I saw her tossed frozen tofu in a hot pan, then dumped a bunch of sauce, then microwaved some meat, almost cook it, tossed it in the sauce too.
It was kind scary. During dinner time, she said “well you are not a big eater huh”. I mean, how could I be a big eater with that weird overcooked salty food?
I was invited again, to make dumplings together. I brought dumpling skin (from a market, I can’t make them). She said she’s going to make the skin, I was excited, I haven’t had fresh dumpling skin for years.
It turns out she bought a tool on Amazon, thinking that would work, obviously she doesn’t know how to use a rolling pin either. The skin was so thick, also sadly not holding the fillings inside.
I kinda took over and said let’s use the store brought skin, here are the fillings I made. The dumplings turned out pretty great, then she started to invite me over every weekend to “cook together”, took me a little while to find out I became her family’s free weekend cook.
I grew up around men and women that cooked well, maybe that makes me very picky.
Image source: take7pieces, Rachael Ludwick
#15 Boiled Veggies In Their Own Water
Eating at my ex boyfriend’s house…his mom is making soup and sandwiches. Ok great!
One pot of boiling water…she opens up a bag of frozen misc veggies…carrot, cauliflower etc. Tosses it in with pepper and salt.
There’s a bunch of white bread with margarine slathered between.
“Hey kids, soup’s done!”
It was just the boiled veggies in their own water.
Image source: Feralcrumpetart, Coffee Danube Still Life Photography
#16 Making “Fried Chicken” By Tossing Chicken In Plain Flour And Baking Them
In my first apartment I had a nice couple, about my age, living right above me. The guy and I had chatted a few times, and at one point we all decided to have dinner together, which turned into a sort of pot-luck.
His fiance made “fried chicken”, by tossing chicken in plain flour and baking them.
They came out of the oven with loose, white flour still on them, and every bite threatened to send me into a choking fit due to inhaled flour.
That same night I furiously googled how to bread chicken and learned the process of dredging and breading. Thanks for the learning experience, I guess. XD
Image source: Zathura2, Tim Evanson
#17 Cheese Cake. Made With Swiss Cheese. And Salt
Cheese cake. Made with Swiss cheese. And salt.
Image source: thrillsbury, Ming-yen Hsu
#18 “Stewed Green Beans”
My mother-in-law, bless her heart, makes “stewed green beans.”
Which means she takes canned green beans, dumps them in a saucepan, and cooks them down until they are mush (I think she cooks them 3-4 hours). I believe she puts some kind of margarine in the pan, but no seasonings or anything like that.
Image source: theredgoldlady, Colorado State University Extension
#19 Seven Kitchen Crimes Committed At Once
I and some other friends were invited over for an evening with dinner and Eurovision song contest.
We walk through the door and the kitchen is a mess, no counterspace open and sticky floors. For dinner we were supposed to have a sort or curry with chicken, rice and loose toppings, usually delicious.
crimes committed that evening:
– cutting chicken over the dirt sink (no clean counter space).
– cutting onion on the same cutting board as chicken
– making sweet and sour sauce instead of curry by adding the whole can of pineapple including juice
– no salt in sauce or rice
– boiling the loose rice to death by continually adding water because the rice were still hard (she’s used to parboiled baggies)
– asking for advice for said rice AFTER
– sticky plates and utensils
only reason none of us got sick was because the had definitely reached above safe cooking temps.
Bonus:
said friend also believes she’s better at cooking than everyone else
Image source: Walnut_Pancake_, Shalu Sharma
#20 Just Throwing Things In The Air Fryer For A Random Time And Temperature
My Mom just throws things in her air fryer for a random time/temp and goes outside while I witness it burn. If I wasn’t there, I’m sure by now she would’ve burned down the house.
Image source: YukiHase, Djsgmnd
#21 Catching A Casserole On Actual Fire
Things happen but I had never seen someone catch a casserole on actual fire until last Thanksgiving. They scraped the burnt top off.
Image source: Bluemonogi, Arne Heggestad
#22 Watery And Disgusting Chicken With Spaghetti
Oh my goodness I have one of these!
I went to this dinner party that my friend from Brazil had and she served his boiled chicken, still in the water and in a big pot on the table, along with spaghetti that was boiled for probably an hour and that was also served in the big pot of water and just sat on the table!
It was so watery and disgusting and inedible.
This spaghetti just fell apart and she served cold sauce from the jar. The chicken was absolutely disgusting!!
Image source: chantillylace9, Eugene Kim
#23 Microwaving Brownies For 12-15 Minutes Instead Of Baking
My sister made(tried) brownies she used 1 part sugar 1 part oil and 1/2 part flour and 1 part coco powder. She mistook my words and decided to microwave it 12 15 mins instead of baking it. That s**t was harder than life.
Image source: rahul1604, Wendy
#24 Almost Ruining Rosemary, Broccoli And Asparagus For Another Person
An exes mother almost ruined rosemary for me. And my two fave veggies for that matter. On two seperate dinners she prepared broccoli and asparagus the same way. Microwaved in a glass casserole dish, covered in water, with about 8 sprigs of rosemary floating in it. Nothing else. Bloated, soggy, gross veggies that tasted of only rosemary. I could barely stand cooking with the herb for nearly a decade.
Image source: KRA_squared, Richard North
#25 Using Nilla Wafers Instead Of Breadcrumbs For Meatballs
Not witnessed, but truth was confirmed by both parties.
He did the majority of the cooking, and used stale bread or crackers as a binder. Whatever was on hand.
She decided to do something nice for him because he’d be coming home late. She made meatballs according to a recipe in a cookbook. She knew about the breadcrumbs/cracker addition, but they didn’t have any, so she hunted around for a suitable replacement and came up with …
Nilla wafers.
#26 Maybe The Worst Lasagne Ever
Lasagne made with one layer of pasta, with what was basically mini chicken nuggets, carrots, peas and greenbeans. Worse still, pasta was raw. I should’ve clicked when it was made in about 45mins.
Image source: IAS316, Michael Pollak
#27 Turning “Beef And Noodles” Into A Soggy Mess
My MIL made her dish of “beef and noodles” for us a day ahead of time (because it was hot or something). Her way of reheating it was literally to dump the pan into a pot of boiling water!!! Then we had to eat the soggy mess…
Image source: Jewish-Mom-123, Kārlis Dambrāns
#28 Replacing Milk With “Vanilla Silk” For Mashed Potatoes
My ex mother-in-law was a God awful cook. I understand some recipes allow for some creative liberty, I do that all the time, but I’ve never seen someone replace milk with “Vanilla Silk” so freely for mashed potatoes.
I had a nice couscous salad I used to make them, and again, able to tweak it, but she would “extend” the dish by doing the amount of couscous in it, and nothing else, so it would end up super dry and tasteless.
Also, I’ve never seen someone who was so skilled at making beef tenderloin tough and dry.
Image source: bob_but_backwards, noricum
#29 First Oversalting, Then Overchocolating
My own. I was trying to make a veggie chilli w tempeh, dark chocolate, and a beer. Watched a few videos. Read a few recipes. Felt confident. Accidentally over salted. To compensate, I try to add more chocolate. Wasn’t thinking too clearly and added about 10x the recommended chocolate amount. It ended up like a thick chocolate stew.
Image source: albertogonzalex, russellstreet
#30 Pouring Chicken Marinade On The Finished Chicken To “Give It More Flavor”
Mother in law poured chicken marinade on the finished chicken to “give it more flavor”. Granted the marinade was only microwaved for 30 seconds prior. My wife was pregnant at the time which made it even worse.
Image source: wowwonderful, Naotake Murayama
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