Every writer aspires to write a killer opening line for their story. However, some of them try too hard to instantly capture the reader’s attention, and fail hilariously. Thanks to the writer Adam Cadre, who has held the Lyttle Lytton Contest since 2001, we have a huge amount of absolutely horrendous first-liners not only to laugh at, but also learn from. Each entry is accompanied by Adam’s witty commentary, that could maybe help improve your writing!
Adam was inspired to create his own contest after borrowing the idea from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which also ‘celebrates’ the worst opening sentences of novels. As Adam explained in his website, the original contest started getting a little too “unwieldy” for his taste, so in turn, he created a contest with entries no longer than 33 words.
Read the best submissions of 2018 below, and tell us what you think in the comments.
More info: adamcadre.ac
#1
Eric‑san had only one goal in life: make Kimiko‑chan his waifu‑chan.
Image source: Dylan
#2
A tear rolled down her face like a tractor. “David,” she said tearfully, “I don’t want to be a farmer no more.”
Image source: anonymous
#3
Dany approached the castle. (If you’ve forgotten about Dany, reread books 3‑6). In her hand, she held the sword Justificier (reread book 7), still bearing the blood of Durin (reread book 9).
Image source: Jenny
#4
Agent Gunner Storm closed his steely grey eyes and pictured the erotic sphere of Lady Liberty’s bare breast as he thrust into the terrorist princess.
Image source: Greg P
#5
As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life.
Image source: Cole Borsch
#6
The girl with the vegan pork regarded me with eyes more kind than the nonviolence on her plate.
Image source: Neil Martin
#7
The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.
Image source: Power of Positivity Facebook page quoted by Clare Fischer
#8
She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews)
Image source: Katherine Morayati
#9
Let me tell you about Sally. Her tits were good.
Image source: Sam Kabo Ashwell
#10
“It looks like this continent is out of water,” I said in Antarctica, as a rookery of penguins waddled thirstily by.
Image source: Ally Walker
#11
I had always been the kind of woman to put my career first, but as I prepared to abandon my crying children to go to work for the hundredth time, a thought struck me—“Was this His plan for me?”
Image source: Holly McEwen
#12
You find a cave (you’re a male Half‑elf). The female Full‑elves inside try to restrain their libidos, but that’s like butterfly nets trying to stop 100 mph of uncooked rice.
Image source: Allie Brosh
#13
My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.
Image source: Klaus Virtanen
#14
The award show was a veritable orgy—not of sex, but of cultural appropriation.
Image source: Bari Weiss, New York Times, 2017.0830 quoted by Peter Berkman
#15
Commander B. G. Robinson is very feminine and graciously endowed: everything she has two of are perfectly matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace that is called “woman.”
Image source: Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Outrageous Okona” shooting script adapted by Harper Cole
#16
Tad quit school to paint the canvas of Google Maps, his dad’s Camry his brush and his mind his own.
Image source: Hannah Sim
#17
“Thou must bewarest of woman, little Abu,” quoth wisely the Master. “For while her eyes holdeth the sweetness of a hundred dates, her lips holdeth the sting of a thousand scorpions.”
Image source: Benjamin Smith
#18
The puddle detective Amelia Stone stepped into reminded her of a pool of blood or sins as dark as the muddy water.
Image source: Iva Hauer
#19
THE BULLET JOURNAL OF KELSEY JOY
To‑Do: 1/1 – 1/7
* Three‑year anniversary w/ partner in crime!!!
^ Appointment w/ ob/gyn
– Study for LSAT
+ Solve sister’s murder
Image source: Aimee Lim
#20
The brute was reminiscent of an ancient Ethiopian warrior, bristling with muscle and melanin, yet Charlie was unfazed.
Image source: Grayson Seelke
#21
Joe just looks at me with that stupid look, covered in flowing blood, going onto his shirt like ketchup randomness, so much messier and more random than I could ever plan.
Image source: Palo Alto by James Franco quoted by Ruben Luthman
#22
Our eyes are always pointing at things we are interested in approaching, or investigating, or looking at, or having.
Image source: 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson quoted anonymously
#23
I dance with English, and our tale is only just beginning.
Image source: Gods of the Word by Margaret Magnus quoted anonymously
#24
Texas “Cheap Shot” Jack, the famous Newark poker player, sighed about his life. Matters of the heart—unlike the hearts he held in his hand—could not be folded so easily.
Image source: Sam Coppini
#25
There is no human hunger like unto the hunger for pride.
Image source: Brad Hanon
#26
Queen Aquareine had a stern look upon her beautiful face. Cap’n Bill guessed from this look that the mermaid was angry.
Image source: The Sea Fairies by L. Frank Baum quoted anonymously
#27
General Clap did not understand the way of the ancient warrior. However, the Shadow Wolves did.
Image source: The Way of the Shadow Wolves by Steven Seagal and Tom Morrissey quoted by Brendan Atkins
#28
The atmospheric molecules that filled the Rose Bowl were in full vibration as kickoff approached.
Image source: Ryan McGee, espn.com, 2017.0915 quoted by Ryan S.
#29
Meghan Markle could not wait to say yes to Prince Harry when he proposed during a cosy night in over a roast chicken.
Image source: @TheScotsman, 2017.1127 quoted by Alyssa Alcorn
#30
Unhesitantly I skydove, commending my body into the lightweight but capable hands of my parachute.
Image source: Hannah Sim
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