Family gatherings aren’t supposed to feel like an emotional competition, yet sometimes it’s hard not to notice when one child gets showered in attention while another gets treated like background furniture. It’s the kind of imbalance that makes parents pause, squint, and wonder if they missed a memo about assigned favorites.
That’s exactly what today’s Original Poster (OP) is grappling with as her mother-in-law openly gushes over one grandchild while brushing her kids aside. While she doesn’t want to cut ties or create drama, watching her toddlers withdraw around their grandmother isn’t just heartbreaking, it’s alarming.
More info: Reddit
While it may seem harmless or playful, research shows that favoritism can have lasting emotional effects on both the child who is overlooked and the one who is favored
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author has two toddlers, and noticed her mother-in-law began favoring her sister-in-law’s baby shortly after both babies were born
Image credits: No-Click-8320
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mother-in-law openly showered attention, affection, and gifts on the favored baby while pushing aside or ignoring the author’s children
Image credits: No-Click-8320
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She also noticed that her oldest child started withdrawing from interactions with the grandmother, showing he had already noticed the favoritism
Image credits: No-Click-8320
Attempts by her husband and his brother to address the issue were met with the mother-in-law crying, guilt-tripping, and refusing to change her behavior
For ten years, the OP and her husband had been together, married for six, and now raising two children. Her sister-in-law had her first baby few months after the OP gave birth to her toddler, and that was when she noticed that her mother-in-law’s affection started flowing heavily toward her sister-in-law’s baby.
The OP noted that the mother-in-law held the niece constantly, played with her, snapped pictures, and practically radiated joy whenever the little one entered the room. Meanwhile, when her kids tried to spend some time with her, the grandmother would seem bothered, distracted, or uninterested.
It was interesting that another family member even confirmed that this wasn’t the first time she’d shown clear favoritism among grandchildren. A recent shopping trip made the imbalance painfully obvious when the mother-in-law came home excited to show off the adorable baby clothes she’d bought, only they were all for the sister-in-law’s baby.
The mother-in-law also openly referred to her daughter’s baby as her “favorite”, claiming she preferred babysitting that one over the others. Whenever the OP’s husband and his brother tried talking to her gently about the imbalance, she would burst into tears and claim that she was a “bad grandma”. Naturally, this left her exhausted as she just wanted her kids to feel equally loved and welcomed.
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Grandparent favoritism, as noted by Next Avenue, occurs when a grandparent shows noticeably more affection or attention to one grandchild over others, and it can affect all children involved. They highlight that kids who feel overlooked often struggle with low self-esteem, insecurity, and emotional hurt, sometimes internalizing the rejection and wondering what they did wrong.
Psychology Today highlights that parents therefore have a crucial role in protecting their children from harmful family behaviors like favoritism. They explain that unequal treatment from relatives doesn’t only damage the child’s sense of security and belonging, but actually also creates stress for the child receiving extra attention.
Practical guidance from Dera Design reinforces that when favoritism becomes strong enough to harm children, limiting their exposure to the biased grandparent can help reduce emotional damage.
Furthermore, parents are also advised to have calm, private conversations with the grandparent to explain how their behavior impacts the children and family dynamics, while reassuring the children that the favoritism is not their fault.
Netizens suggested that the OP limit contact with her mother-in-law, and insisted that she refuse to let her guilt-trip them. They emphasized the importance of responding firmly when the the mother-in-law calls herself a “bad grandma” and maintaining boundaries without excuses.
What do you think about the situation? Do you think grandparents should be called out for showing a favorite, or should it be ignored? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens maintained that the author is not in the wrong and should prioritize her children’s emotional well-being
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