You know those family gatherings where the mashed potatoes are lumpy, the gossip is spicy, and someone inevitably storms out before dessert? Honestly, even with all that drama, it’s still nice to have family around. So imagine you’re the host, you’ve spent hours prepping, and the guest of honor doesn’t even show up.
That’s exactly what today’s Original Poster (OP) faced when her mother-in-law decided not to attend her own birthday dinner because of a spat involving another sibling. That one incident led to the OP refusing to host any celebrations for her, but this didn’t sit right with her husband.
More info: Reddit
In-law drama is one of those universal struggles that couples eventually face
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s husband invited family via group chat for his mother’s birthday, but his sister claimed she wasn’t “formally invited” and his mother sided with her
Image credit: letmeknowplzzz
Image credits: Rapha Wilde / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author hosted and prepared everything, but her mother-in-law refused to attend, saying she wouldn’t eat with a son who “excluded” her daughter
Image credit: letmeknowplzzz
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Hurt by her mother-in-law’s absence, she told her husband she would no longer host any celebrations for his mother
Image credit: letmeknowplzzz
When Mother’s Day came up, she stood by her boundary, while her husband called her “petty” and accused her of holding resentment
The OP’s husband sent a message to the family group chat, inviting the rest of the family to celebrate his mom’s birthday. However, his sister claimed she hadn’t been “formally invited” because it wasn’t told to her personally. Despite being in the chat like everyone else, she told their mother she would feel like an intruder if she showed up.
So, on the big day, the OP put in all the effort into hosting from cooking to organizing, only to learn that her husband’s mother wasn’t coming. According to her mother-in-law, she “would not share a meal” with anyone who excluded her daughter. Still, the rest of the family made the best of it, eating cake and treating it as a casual get-together rather than a birthday party.
After that debacle, the OP calmly told her husband that their house would no longer host any celebrations for his mother to which he said he understood. However, when Mother’s Day came up, her husband suggested hosting again, but the OP stood her ground and reminded him that any celebration for his mom was now off the table.
She added that going out for dinner or bringing a store-bought dessert to another sibling’s house was fine, but she was done hosting. Her husband pushed back, saying she was being “petty” and just dragging up old resentments.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Lyra Health emphasizes that extended family conflicts can easily strain marriages, but couples can protect their bond by taking a united approach. Before entering difficult family situations, they advise partners should talk openly and agree to present a unified front.
Building on this, Greater Good notes that couples can therefore reduce the impact of family conflicts by empathizing with each other’s experiences and making sure both partners feel valued and prioritized within their new family unit. They also suggest that setting boundaries is very important as it helps to strengthen the relationship even when outside drama intrudes.
Still, even setting boundaries can be taken the wrong way by the other partner as in the case of the OP who saw it as holding a grudge. Psychologist and relationship coach Julie Shafer explains that the difference between holding a grudge and setting a boundary lies in the motivation behind it.
She explained that a grudge stems from anger, resentment, or blame, often driven by the desire to prove a point, regain power, or show the other person how much they’ve hurt you. A boundary, on the other hand, comes from acceptance, and an understanding of the other person’s behavior patterns and limitations. While grudges keep people stuck in conflict, boundaries help protect well-being and foster healthier interactions.
Netizens insisted that both the mother-in-law and sister-in-law were being childish. They pointed out that the effort she put into hosting was completely dismissed, and argued that if the husband wants his mother celebrated, he can take on the full burden of cleaning, cooking, and organizing himself.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think it’s fair for the wife to ban hosting altogether, or should she make exceptions? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens agreed that the author’s husband was minimizing her feelings while expecting her to carry the workload for his family
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