Waiter jokes are a staple of the comedy world. We’re not exactly sure who started it all, we just know they’re funny, and some of them portray how service industry employees would love to use sarcasm to answer the dumb questions customers throw at them after a long, hard day at work.
More often than not, servers have to deal with demanding customers who don’t realize how hard it is to be in their shoes and put up with a lot of nonsense while trying to make sure everyone has what they need and want at any given time. That’s where these waiter jokes come in handy! They’re a great way to take a break from the stresses of your day and laugh at some situations that you can relate to.
Other than the usual “fly in my soup” jokes, this list contains some classic gags and new ones you may have never heard before. Get a snack, sit on your couch, and relax with this collection of hilarious waiter jokes!
#1
Diner: We don’t eat dairy, eggs, meat, soy, gluten, or nuts. What do you recommend we get?
Waiter: Out.
#2
Waiter: How would you like your steak sir?
Me: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Good choice, rare it is.
#3
What does a cannibal say to a waiter on a cruise ship?
“Please bring me the passenger list.”
#4
You don’t know the definition of heartbreak until you see the waiter coming to your table with food, but then take a sharp turn to a different table.
#5
To impress my date I ordered my whole dinner in French. Even the waiter was impressed because it was a Chinese restaurant.
#6
Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?
Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.
#7
Waiter: Do you want to hear today’s special?
Customer: Yes please.
Waiter: No problem sir. Today is special.
#8
Why did the waitress get promoted?
She brought a lot to the table.
#9
Ron took his date to an expensive Italian restaurant, picked up the menu, and ordered food for both of them, saying: “We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci.” The waiter responded: “That’s the manager.”
#10
Customer: There is a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Hold on sir, I’ll get the fly spray.
#11
Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make.
Waiter: They are. She couldn’t cook either.
#12
Customer: There’s a neutron in my soup.
Waiter: That’ll be no extra charge sir.
#13
“Finally it is monday”, – said no one except people who work in a restaurant.
#14
Waiter: I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?
Customer: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
#15
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
#16
I have never been in love. But I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
#17
Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.
#18
What does a waitress do when she finds a cold pizza that was forgotten to be served?
Serve it to a hipster.
#19
Not sure if kitchen staff about to murder one another or just having normal conversation.
#20
Customer: Hi, is my table ready?
Waiter: No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?
Customer: No, that’s okay.
Waiter: Great, take these salads to table six then.
#21
Say what you want about waiters. But I think they bring a lot to the table.
#22
Waiter: Yes sir, how may I help you?
Customer: Try the soup.
Waiter: Is there something wrong sir? Because if so, we can replace the soup.
Customer: Just try it.
Waiter: Okay, where’s the spoon?
Customer: Exactly.
#23
Her: I’ll have the salad, no nuts, please.
Waiter: Of course.
Me: It didn’t say it had nuts.
Her: I’m allergic, so I tell them to be safe.
Me: That makes sense.
Waiter: And for you?
Me: Steak, no bees, please.
#24
Waiter: Did everything come out alright?
Customer: Not yet, but I’ll let you know in a couple hours.
#25
I think my waitress is hungry. She keeps asking how my food is.
#26
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
#27
Customer: There is a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Sorry sir, maybe I forgot about it when I removed the other three.
#28
Customer: There is a fly in the butter!
Waiter: Yes sir, it’s a butterfly!
#29
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don’t worry, Sir, it’s not that hot!
#30
Csutomer: I can’t seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup.
Waiter: Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?
#31
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?” “What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”
#32
Customer: Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials?
Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
#33
Customer: Waiter, please bring me something I never had.
Waiter: Happiness?
#34
Waiter: And how would everyone like their steak cooked?
Customer 1: Medium rare.
Customer 2: Well done.
Customer 3: Rare.
Customer 4: Between medium and rare.
Waiter in the kitchen: Four steaks, all medium!
#35
What did Matthew McConaughey say when the waiter asked him if he wanted ice in his water?
“It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”
#36
Customer: There’s a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Don’t worry Sir, the spider in your salad will get it.
#37
Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.
#38
Waiter: These are the best eggs we’ve had for years.
Customer: Well, bring me some you haven’t had around for that long.
#39
I was waiting on my food, when my waitress slipped on a wet spot in the dining room. The cook yelled from the back: ‘sorry for the long wait times, but our server is currently down.’
#40
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: A table for 26, please.
Headwaiter: But there’s only… 13 of you?
Jesus: Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.
#41
Customer: Look at this chicken! It’s nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?
#42
Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife’s cooking.
#43
Customer: This fish isn’t as good as what I ordered here last month.
Waiter: That’s funny. It’s from the same fish.
#44
Waiter: Would you like regulary or decaf?
Customer: Do you want me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?
#45
Waiter: Can I take your order?
Customer: No, I want it.
#46
Customer: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long?
Waiter: No sir, round.
#47
Customer: Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?
Waiter: Sorry, sir, but I’m pretty sure she wants to eat it herself.
#48
Customer: Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: It appears to be doing the backstroke.
#49
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said: “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?”, – I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
#50
My IT worker friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably. I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server.
#51
Customer: What is this stuff?
Waiter: That’s bean enchilladas sir.
Customer: I know what it’s been, but what is it now?
#52
“What flavors of ice cream do you have?” inquired the customer. “Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,” answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, “Do you have laryngitis?” “No”, – replied the new waitress with some effort, “just… vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate.”
#53
Customer: I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?
#54
What is the attitude of rude waiters at Chinese restaurants?
“We have no Forks to give around here.”
#55
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
#56
Customer: Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream?
Waiter: Skiing sir.
#57
Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough.
Waiter: That wasn’t the crust, that was the pie plate.
#58
Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu?
Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.
#59
Customer: Waiter! There’s a spider in my soup. Send for the manager!
Waiter: It’s no good, sir, he’s frightened of them, too.
#60
“Yay, it’s the weekend!”
Said nobody who works in the restaurant.
#61
Waiter: “I don’t always ask how you’re doing but when I do, I make sure your mouth is full of food.”
#62
Customer: Excuse me, I don’t have a fork.
Waiter: There’s one at the table beside you.
#63
Waiter: I see you glass is empty, would you like another one?
Dad: Why would I want two empty glasses?
#64
A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold.’ The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.
#65
I was waitering the other day and a nice old man asked me for a little spoon
so I gently lay him down and hugged him from behind.
#66
The first man asked for tea. The second man asked for the same and said to the waiter: “Make sure the glass is clean.” When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea, he asks, “Which one of you asked for the clean glass?”
#67
Waiter: What’ll you have?
Me: I’ll have the chameleon.
Waiter: That’s not on the menu.
Me: How can you be sure?
#68
Customer: I can’t eat this food, it’s terrible.
Waiter: Well its no good complaining to me, I won’t eat it either.
#69
Customer: What would you recommend from the menu?
Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today.
Customer: Yeech! I’d never eat anything that came from an animal’s mouth.
Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?
#70
Waitress: That’ll be $19,50 sir.
Customer: I only have a 20, you can keep the change.
waitress: *ironically* Omg, 50 cent!
Customer: Where?!
#71
Whenever people joke that a dish was terrible but the plate is almost licked clean I say “oh well, I guess I will only charge you for what you ate.”
#72
Customer: Waiter, there’s a frog in my soup!
Waiter: Yes sir, the fly’s on holiday!
#73
Customer: Why does your sign say “Fine Dining”?
Waiter: We can dream, can’t we?
#74
Customer: There’s a wasp in my dessert.
Waiter: So that’s where they go to in the winter.
#75
Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup!
Waiter: What do you expect for $1 – a live one?
#76
A waiter on his deathbed: “I never took that ketchup to Table 22.”
#77
The Mandalorian was my waiter, and I think I angered him because he threatened to tamper with my food. “I can bring it in warm… or I can bring it in cold.”
#78
Two girls: “A tray of sushi, please.”
Waiter: “To eat or to post photos of on Instagram?
#79
Customer: There is a caterpillar in my salad!
Waiter: I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realise you where a vegetarian!
#80
Customers are full and say no to dessert: “Not a problem! Next time you come in just eat the dessert first!”
#81
Waiter: Oh, you in a rush? Mcdonalds is just across the street.
#82
In Hollywood, every waiter is a successful actor, every bartender is a famous film producer, and the vast majority of homeless people are less fortunate relatives of Steven Spielberg.
#83
What did the waiter say to the horse?
“I can’t take your order. That’s not my stable.”
#84
Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
Waiter: No sir, that’s a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
#85
Customer: Why are the waiters in here so nasty?
Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.
#86
That was a big tip you gave our waitress. Do you think she is prettier than me?
#87
When I went out for supper, I asked the waiter if he knew how they prepared their chickens and he said “Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.”
#88
What’s the difference between a waiter and a accountant? The accountant knows he is boring.
#89
Customer: Waiter, would you please get your thumb out of my soup?
Waiter: So sorry sir, but I have a boil and the doctor told me to keep it warm.
#90
Customer: Do you have frog’s legs?
Waiter: Certainly, Sir!
Customer: Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!
#91
Waitress can afford the same apartment as a physicist with a Phd.
#92
Waiter: “You are the reason why I drink after work.”
#93
How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiter’s eye.
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