11 am.
On a Thursday.
Philadelphia, PA.
We open on Mac trying to sneak his way into Dennis’ gym with Dennis’ membership card. While arguing with the staff member, he runs into his former transsexual girlfriend Carmen, sans penis, and her new husband Nick.
Back at Paddy’s, Charlie shares some alley almonds with the rest of the gang and Mac rushes in, flustered and out of breath, furious that “the tranny” had “her dick cut off and married a dude.”
Mac think that Carmen’s marriage is gay marriage, despite the fact that she’s now techically a woman and she and make dated while she still had a penis. To prove his point, Mac seeks out a Bible and can’t find one. You know, in a seedy bar.
“Where’s our god damn Bible?”
Mac leaves to find facts to support his position and Dennis laments about not being married yet. he brings up his high school sweetheart, Maureen Ponderosa.
We cut to Charlie and Frank’s apartment. Charlie is moving a medium-sized box, completely full of pennies and throws out his back. Frank then injures his back helping Charlie in some sort of weird … lifty, mosh pit move. No real way to describe it. Truly.
Instead of Frank paying a chiropractor again out of his pocket, Charlie suggests that the two of them get a domestic partnership so he can be added to Frank’s health insurance.
Dennis and Dee meet Maureen and her brother Bill at a sandwich place. Dennis is elated to see Maureen again, but Bill (on whom Dee had a tremendous, dry-heave inducing crush) has certainly let himself go.
Mac finds Carmen and her husband in the gym since that’s the only place they seem to be, and confronts them about their “gay” marriage. The situation blows up in his face as Nick quotes another outdated passage of the Bible and accuses Mac of having issues with his own sexuality, since he had only slept with Carmen while she still had a penis.
Charlie and Frank pick up their domestic partnership paperwork at the courthouse and run into newlyweds Dennis and Maureen. She greets them but the gruesome twosome recoil in disgust from her bad breath. Not just gross food bad breath, but dead and rotting tooth breath.
Back at their apartment, Dennis tells back that he’s married and that Maureen as given him so many feelings.
“You remember feelings, right?”
Mac’s confusion over Dennis’ lack of any feelings pre-Maureen is the least of his worries, as Dennis kicks him out. This goes way smoother than when they “broke up” last season.
Back at the gym, Charlie, with the help of a reluctant Carmen, eases Frank’s worries about the domestic partnership. They’re just going to be “two cool, straight dudes getting married to each other.” Both can keep their penises, too!
Mac drops by Dee’s apartment unannounced to admit he’s wrong, but Dee keeps gagging during Mac’s apology/revelation which she blames on some bad spaghetti. Her gagging leads to Mac gagging, which leads to Mac finding a fat, naked Bill Ponderosa in Dee’s bed.
Back at Dennis and Maureen’s apartment, Dennis finds it increasingly difficult to cope with Maureen’s flaws. Her kitty cat sweatshirts, her affinity for fish sticks, her clingy-ness, but most of all, her DEAD. TOOTH.
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