Hermann Oppenheim, a leading neurologist in the nineteenth century in Germany, had many accolades to his name. He was the author of a textbook on neurological diseases, considered one of the best textbooks of all time. He also published significant works on topics ranging from alcoholism to syphilis and many others. By reading this far, you might wonder what Hermann has to do with skeleton puns but bear with me. Not only was Oppenheim famous for his treatises on traumatic neuroses, but he had also reviewed the definition of Witzelsucht. Saving you from any further confusion, Witzelsucht (joke addiction in German) is a set of pure and rare neurological symptoms characterized by a tendency to unwillingly tell puns, lame jokes, or pointless stories at the most inappropriate times. And while I definitely do not have Witzelsucht, I am an absolute sucker for puns, especially the ones I mutter at the most awkward times (…waaaait a moment…). Anywho, for the love of puns, Bored Panda is dedicating this extensive list to any and all wordplay that’s oh-so-appropriate for the Halloween season. And without any more teasing, here it goes – a bone-rattling mash of skeleton puns!
To make it even more fun and educational, we’ve talked to David McInnis, an Associate Professor of Shakespeare and Early Modern Drama working at The University of Melbourne, Australia. As you might’ve guessed, his primary interest is Shakespeare, which basically makes him an expert on puns – let me remind you that Shakespeare used around 3,000 puns in his plays. That, and the fact that he has published a thorough and delightful article called ‘The Power of The Pun,” which you can read right here. So scroll down below, check out these un-bone-lievably spooky skeleton puns and read the highly entertaining and enlightening interview Professor David McInnis so kindly supplied.
#1
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in a house?
The living room
#2
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs
#3
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs
#4
Why did the skeleton run up a tree?
Because a dog was after his bones
#5
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin
#6
What do you call a dead skeleton?
Dust
Image source: Undertale
#7
Skeletons make very poor miners.
They can never go deeper than six feet under.
#8
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Halloween party?
He had no body to go with
#9
What band do skeletons like listening to?
Boney M
#10
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite kind of candy?
Jawbreakers
#11
Why didn’t the skeleton want to play basketball, anymore?
Because his heart wasn’t in it
#12
The skeleton literally didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
#13
What type of artist was the skeleton?
A skullptor
#14
Skeleton comedian could not make anyone laugh.
He probably lost his sense of humerus
#15
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart
#16
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween?
He could feel it in his bones
#17
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!?
Pro Bone-O
#18
What job did the skeleton get at the construction site?
Cranium operator
Image source: Undertale
#19
Where do skeletons play music?
At Cartilage Hall
#20
What does a skeleton toddler play?
A xylo-BONE
#21
What do you call a military formation of skeletons?
A phalanx
Image source: Undertale
#22
What sort of soup do skeletons like?
One with plenty of body in it
#23
What’s a skeleton’s favorite type of horror movie?
A spine-tingler
Image source: Undertale
#24
What do you call a skeleton who refuses to work?
Lazy bones
#25
What did the skeleton say after running a marathon?
I’m bone tired
#26
What do you say to a group of skeletons sailing away on a boat trip?
Bone Voyage
#27
What’s a skeleton’s favorite light source?
A SHINdelier
#28
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in the sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew
#29
Which skeleton bone is the sassiest?
The cheek bone
#30
What do you call a skeleton who likes things before they’re cool?
A hipster
#31
My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.
#32
What’s half the diameter of a skeletal circle?
The radius
Image source: Undertale
#33
What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road?
Jump out of your skin and join him
#34
What’s a skeleton’s favorite exotic animal?
A ring-tailed femur
#35
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them
#36
The favorite mode of travel for skeleton pilots is—wait for it—the scareplane or the skelecopter.
#37
Why can’t skeletons play tennis?
Because they always get tennis elbow
Image source: Undertale
#38
What do skeletons call their best friends?
Vertebros
#39
Who was the world’s greatest skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones
Image source: Undertale
#40
What did the skeleton do instead of going to the dance?
He stayed home feeling bone-ly
#41
Why do skeletons make bad bakers?
They always over kneed the dough
Image source: Undertale
#42
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler
#43
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don’t know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
#44
What’s a skeleton’s favorite weapon?
A bow and marrow
#45
How do you call a successful skeleton?
A BONEfied professional
#46
What do skeletons yell at parties?
HIP-HIP Hooray
#47
Skeletons have a tendon-cy to get angry!
#48
Why don’t you see skeleton’s outside often?
They’re always sick with a FEMUR
#49
Why did the skeleton throw his hip away?
It was such a waist
#50
Why can’t skeletons fly over area 51?
Because there’s a no-fly-bone
Image source: Undertale
#51
What’s a skeleton’s favorite yogurt?
Actibia
#52
What did the skeleton doctor say when his patient had a temperature of 101.7 degrees?
I’m afraid you’re running a femur
Image source: Undertale
#53
What did the skeleton say when he got back from Disneyland?
I had a skele-ton of fun
Image source: Undertale
#54
Why aren’t skeletons good drivers?
They always dislocate the shoulder
Image source: Undertale
#55
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game
#56
Skeleton didn’t know what to wear this Halloween, but then he had a true epipha-knee.
#57
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest
#58
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up
#59
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree
#60
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter
#61
What TV show do skeletons love?
Bones
#62
The skeleton had no choice but to plead guilty, the police had found the skeletons in his closet.
#63
Who is a skeleton’s favorite action hero?
Indiana Bones
#64
Why do skeletons like horse races?
Because the leaders are always neck and neck
Image source: Undertale
#65
What Jersey rock band do skeletons like most?
Bone Jovi
#66
The skeleton played a melodic solo riff on his shiny sax-a-bone.
#67
The one instrument that the skeleton can play better than others is the trom-bone.
#68
Skeleton is very worried about his friend.
He always works himself down to the bone
#69
Skeleton complained to the chef that his chicken was bone dry!
#70
Who is a skeleton’s favorite actress?
Ulna Thurman
Image source: Undertale
#71
The skeleton didn’t like to talk on the rotary skelephone—he preferred his cell bone.
#72
What kind of fish do skeletons catch?
Carpals
Image source: Undertale
#73
How did the skeleton lose his skin?
Something made his flesh crawl
#74
Skeletons are having a real Halloween bone-anza this year!
#75
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
#76
Where do skeletons buy wood from?
The Lumbar yard
#77
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
#78
What do you call a lazy skeleton?
Bone idle
#79
What does a skeleton do during a fire?
Stop, Drop, and SKULL
#80
Millennial skeletons don’t watch skelevision!
#81
What’s the “king’s” real name?
Pelvis Presley
#82
Did you hear about the skeleton that dropped out of medical school?
He just didn’t have the stomach for it
#83
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula
Image source: Undertale
#84
What’s a skeleton’s favorite seafood chain?
Bonefish grill
Image source: Undertale
#85
What’s a skeleton’s favorite seafood dish?
Patella
Image source: Undertale
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