You know, I just realized – in my entire life, I’ve never been asked to babysit for someone – be it friends or relatives. No, not because I don’t have the relevant experience – having three kids almost inevitably gives you this experience. It’s just that people apparently understand that asking a dad of 3 to babysit is just a bad joke. Or, maybe I was just lucky with my surroundings…
Well, other people – those who are not as lucky as me – sooner or later have to come up with a variety of excuses to avoid babysitting. Some fail, while others find the right words or actions. So, today’s selection of stories is dedicated to just these excuses.
More info: Reddit
#1
“If you dump your child on me without my expressed consent, they’re going to learn every curse word I know, that Santa isn’t real, and your religion is a lie. Ask yourself if it’s worth it.”.
Image source: Nervous_Explorer_898, Adriaan Greyling
#2
I’ve always wanted to use “thank you, but I’m not hungry” when offered a kid.
Image source: nicola_orsinov, Andrea Piacquadio
#3
I get out in front of it and tell them “just so you know, I don’t babysit” while they are still pregnant lol.
Image source: harbinger06, Mikhail Nilov
#4
I was doing an internship that was very involved. When I went to work in their town I stayed in the house.
A few years in they informed me they were having a baby(a little surprise as they were in their mid forties and this was their first). I’m sure they thought I would be there as a babysitter, as in my work with them at clinics and children were present, the children were drawn to me, and I’m really good with kids.
Without hesitation I stated, “My babysitting rate is $325 an hour.” They thought I was joking and laughed. I said, “I’m dead serious. If you need me to watch the child it will cost you.”
They never asked, until when the kid was about 4 they realized that they both booked flights that overlapped and they had no one to stay with the kid. OVER NIGHT! The kid adored me and we got along fine, but my rate stood.
Not my circus and sure as hell not my monkey. I’ve been responsible and careful not to become pregnant, because I’m not looking to be responsible for another human, especially a young one.
Image source: Eponack, Felipe Queiroz
#5
Tell them you just joined a really fun cult and you need to practice converting kids.
Image source: Haunting_Cattle2138, Kyle Miller
#6
I tell them my house is not childproof and that I have adult art on my walls. I then let them know if children are left on my doorstep, I will call CPS. Folks smartened up real quick.
Image source: thepeacock87, MART PRODUCTION
#7
I’ve told them “I’m sorry, I can’t, the stress is bad for the baby”. They got confused and excited while looking at my stomach, and asked “what baby?” So satisfying when I got to tell them “ME! I’m the baby!” and just walk away.
Image source: r3m130, Keenan Constance
#8
Not babysitting exactly but when I was in my late teens or early twenties it was a holiday family gathering and my auntie tried to hand me one of the new babies and I just said “oh my goodness no thank you”.
Image source: Geologyst1013, Nicole Michalou
#9
Came home from a very long shift at personal assistant job, something between 1-2 AM. An ex-friend called me jusr right after I had gotten to bed. She thought, that she can drop her 6 months old baby to me and go clubbing. Blocked her.
Image source: Kakashisith, Martin Lopez
#10
I just state that I will be paid in full in advance and that my going rate is non negotiable. It used to be $35 per hour, per child. With the current economy it is now $100 per child. For every child above 2 children there is a 50 dollar additional surcharge. For children under 8, the starting hourly rate is 125 per hour. If the expected hours of babysitting extend beyond midnight the hourly rate doubles.
Sitting services are done in the home of the child/ren’s owner. The fee does not include housecleaning, chores etc beyond making sure the children are fed.
If anyone is foolish or desperate enough to comply with that, I’ll take their money.
Image source: zukiraphaera, Kaboompics.com
#11
Not so much refusing, as setting precedent.
When my friends started having kids, I told them that if called me for babysitting, I would do what I could, drop whatever, and get over there.
Because, if you’re calling me, things have gone very sideways for you. You have worked through everyone else and you are finally calling me to help out with this emergency.
Never did get a call.
Also helped that I was traveling a lot for work when a lot of them were young.
#12
Being too irresponsible for anyone to ask.
Image source: SlimeTempest42, Curated Lifestyle
#13
“Sure, But I hope your cool with all my pain meds placed out, since ya know i need easy access to them.
“Oh and if they run in the other room while im sitting my disabled a*s on my couch with my heating pads i will not be held accountable or responsible for any owies obtained. And if im hurting MAN! Do I cuss like a sailor! “
Them: Uh…Never Mind I’ll Just Get A Sitter Online.
Image source: Content-Cake-2995, Andrea Piacquadio
#14
My cats are rescue cats who were dumped bc they ‘couldn’t get along with children’. That is enough info for parents to not come over to my place with their kids. The impression I have is that kids scare them, maybe it’s just the way they behave (if a large predator comes running towards you while screaming you would freak out), or maybe children hurt them in the past.
Image source: SnorkBorkGnork, Erik-Jan Leusink
#15
My aunt “offered” to pay for travel expenses for all three of us kids *(my brothers and I)* to come down to LA to visit her… one at a time… for two weeks each. We were about 14 at the time, and we put 2 and 2 together and realized she just wanted us to go down there to babysit her nephew *(our cousin)* under the guise of “just visiting family”. None of us were keen on babysitting and especially not that demon child so we just conveniently scheduled doctor’s appointments for ourselves in the timeframe she wanted us down there so we could say “sorry, I’ve already got plans”.
Image source: arochains1231, Kaboompics.com
#16
I’ve had this happen a few times specifically with my SIL who can’t stand that I chose not to have a kid and am living regret free while she has to deal with a needy annoying toddler that she wants nothing to do with.
Here are a few I can remember where I was just expected to babysit:
1. SIL walks towards me sitting on a cough at a family gathering, smiles widely and pushes her baby into my lap before running off, I immediately place the baby on the cough and move away, SIL loudly complains that she needs a ‘break’ to go swimming, I tell her find someone else who actually wants to hold her baby instead of forcing the kid onto someone. I get glares and dirty looks from other family members but no one offers to take the kid. I leave the gathering soon after because I’m ignored and treated like garbage because I refused to hold a baby.
2. My mother suddenly got a ‘sore back’ from holding my brother’s 2 year old toddler, she tries to make me hold the kid so she can sit down, I walk away as the kid starts squirming and screaming, my brother quickly takes the kid before telling me I’m an awful aunty and a terrible person for not wanting to help with his kid.
3. Went to a restaurant for a family member’s birthday, the toddler was plonked beside me by SIL who told the kid that they can play with me instead. The kid immediately erupts into a series of loud screaming crying, SIL is long gone down the other end of the table laughing and drinking.
I simply get up and move down several chairs.
My brother then asks SIL where the kid is SIL shrugs and waves my brother away, toddler is still crying loudly and my brother begrudgingly sits beside the kid while others take their seats.
Image source: DystopianDreamer1984, Jep Gambardella
#17
Fav excuse- “sorry, my backs acting up.” I love my “nieces and nephews” but I’m neuro spicy, an introvert, and have a c**p load of physical issues. “Here, hold this!” Hands me a baby. Teen walks up and takes baby immediately. “Thanks kiddo!!❤️”
The kids are actually great about accommodating my issues and we get along great, the grown ups on the other hand…
Me- gets emotionally manipulated into a family party- cue anxiety attack. One of the kids walk up “want me to cover for you while you hide?” “Yes please. Pick a bribe and let me know what you want when I get back 😉.”.
Image source: MaskedCrocheter, Kindel Media
#18
I simply don’t uncross my arms or remove my hands from my pockets etc, there’s nowhere for it to go and they tire of holding it up infront of me very quickly lol.
Image source: Legitimate-Curve-346, Cedar Wheeler
#19
Haha! I’m the same way. “Hey kid 👋” then I go back to my life. If you’ve seen one kid, you’ve seen them all! Like their kid is anything special. 🙄 Unless that kid is building a time machine and is inviting me to go back in my past so my future self becomes a billionaire, I’m not interested in kids.
Image source: GoteborgUFO, Min An
#20
I told my sister once I recently started practicing cannibalism.
She did not find it funny, but she got the message.
Image source: BoomerangShrivatsa, Becerra Govea Photo
#21
“I’m tired from working my full-time job” 🤷🏻♀️.
Image source: ZillennialMari, Curated Lifestyle
#22
I just tell them I’ll happily help when they don’t need my help to go to the bathroom.
Image source: PM_ME_SUNSET_PIX, Pixabay
#23
I’ve made it known for decades that I’m happy to help babysit, they just need to arrange for a responsible adult to be there too.
Everyone knows my short fuse and shorter attention span, and how likely I am to wander off into something filthy and/or dangerous. .
Image source: DisobedientSwitch, Jay Brand
#24
I had my roomate who had COVID a couple weeks before text me a picture of her positive test 😂.
Image source: Nevermore-Nevermore, Medakit Ltd
#25
“I’ve killed cacti before, I’m not qualified to take care of any biological living thing”.
Image source: Knightstersky, Rainier Ridao
#26
My preferred response when asked if I want to watch or hold a child is almost always “Oh I would it’s just that I don’t want to.. at all.”.
Image source: RubChoice7111, Francisco De Legarreta C.
#27
“Hey I know we barely know each other but I need someone to watch my son.”
“No. I don’t babysit. And I’m no longer interested in friendship.”.
Image source: Fun-Interaction8196, Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦
#28
I went out all the time so i couldn’t be asked to do it. 🥰
you can’t force me if you can’t find me lmfao.
Image source: Politely_Pout818, Mina Rad
#29
I actually was asked so often by a fellow years ago that I finally said yes – and gave them the kids back on their biggest sugar high ever. was never asked again.
Image source: Pickle_Pickle__, Foodie Factor
#30
I’ve never been asked to babysit. The glorious benefit of having good boundaries that I don’t let up for anyone. .
Image source: thebarberdrey, tabitha turner
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