Halloween is always more fun if you have people around who share your enthusiasm for dressing up and getting into the spirit of things.
Group costumes can be especially exciting. So when Reddit user LisaoftheRoses was asked by her husband’s twins to join them in portraying characters from The Parent Trap, she was touched and happily agreed.
But not everyone enjoyed the idea. The girls’ mother found out about their plans and thought it was inappropriate, leading to a tense phone call between the two adults.
It’s not always easy for stepparents to find their place in family traditions and holiday celebrations
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Especially when they’re being accused of overstepping boundaries
Image credits: Walt Disney Productions
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LisaoftheRoses
Image credits: Austin Guevara / Pexels (not the actual photo)
There’s a good chance the true cause of this fight isn’t really the Halloween costume at all
When it comes to blended families, stepmothers usually start in a pretty difficult spot.
“Women feel more internal (emotional) and external (social) pressure to create a perfect ‘blended’ family than men do,” says writer and social researcher Wednesday Martin, Ph.D. “Additionally, they may well feel pressure from their partners or husbands to ‘make us into a ‘real’ family.'”
So it’s really cool that the author of the post has managed to connect with her stepdaughters.
However, dealing with exes is also a big part of being a stepparent. “Stepfathers are dealing with ex-husbands. [But] twenty- and thirty-year … longitudinal studies … found that statistically speaking, women tend to nurture feelings of hostility and anger longer post-divorce than men, who are more likely to harbor fantasies of reconciliation or smooth sailing,” explains Martin, author of Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free.
“This sets the stage for conflict between the ex and her ex’s partner from both directions—she may be very resentful of the re-partnership, and he may want to avoid creating waves and so remain involved with her and in her household in ways that create dissatisfaction and discomfort for his partner/wife.”
In addition, Martin says researchers have found that mothers are more likely than fathers to want high levels of involvement in the ex-partner’s household when children are there (everything from homework to school lunches to dental appointments may be matters of concern).
“This creates more opportunities for interaction and increases the likelihood of conflict between mother and stepmother (who may be the stand-in appointment and lunch maker, for example),” she adds.
Dialing down expectations—both personal expectations and expectations within the couple—is a key ingredient in finding happiness in a re-partnership with children of any age. So the answer might be to get rid of the myth of the blended family, and find authentic ways to connect. Hopefully, the Redditor and her stepdaughters’ mom can find a way to strengthen their cooperation rather than destroy it.
As her story went viral, the woman provided more information in the comments
And people eagerly shared their thoughts
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