The holiday season can be exhausting. From working extra hours to buy everyone gifts to rushing around town collecting them; taking care of everything before you sit down with your family often demands a lot of energy.
Because of that, it’s important to make use of the opportunities when you finally get the chance to spend some quality time with your loved ones and make new memories together.
One of the ways Reddit user ViolinistOk and her family does this is by going on a hike. The tradition was born a long time ago, and has become an inherent part of their Christmas celebration.
This year, her son informed her that he would like to bring his new girlfriend back home for the joyous occasion as well. ViolinistOk agreed. However, the guy pushed it even further and demanded everyone give up the hike for her, which is when he and his mom started arguing.
Unsure of the way she handled the situation, the woman made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’, asking its members to share their take on it. Here’s what she wrote.
This woman was happy to have her son’s new girlfriend visit their family for Christmas
Image source: Francesco Paggiaro (not the actual photo)
However, she refused to change their years-old tradition for her
Image source: ROMAN ODINTSOV (not the actual photo)
Image source: ViolinistOk9892
Porter must’ve been quite anxious. “Introducing one’s partner to family is a nerve-racking moment for many reasons,” clinical psychologist Kim Chronister said. “One reason is that a first impression (according to studies) is a lasting impression. What your partner looks like, does, or says can create negative or positive opinions in the minds of one’s family for years.”
But he probably could’ve handled everything better.
While it’s common to introduce family and romantic partners during gatherings like Christmas and Thanksgiving, experts think that a first meeting might be best suited at a more casual time, like Labor Day or the Fourth of July.
Dave Schramm, family life professor and faculty member in the department of human development and family studies at Utah State University, suggests talking to your partner beforehand about names, what family members are into, whether they have kids, family traditions, careers, sports, and the like, he said.
“This part really all comes down to asking your partner what they think … what you should know,” he noted. “Everything from knowing the dress code. Are you a hugging family or a handshake family?”
Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., and member of the American Psychological Association (APA), agrees that this is a crucial step. “There’s no need to give [them] full editorial commentary on your feelings about your family members, just a broad overview of important or sensitive issues,” Gross wrote.
“In this way, you can ensure that [your partner] is not taken aback by Cousin Adam’s dark humor or Grandpa Jim’s off-color comments. This background prep will help [them] understand why your brother is not drinking alcohol at dinner along with everyone else — and prevent [them] from making a joking comment that could lead to an awkward moment for all.”
So instead of trying to set up perfect conditions for his girlfriend, Porter should’ve spent more time thinking about the picture. That way, he may have realized that his mom was actually on his side.
Most people think that the mother was perfectly reasonable
But a few still believe that it was either her or everyone involved that could’ve done better
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