“She Wished I Was Never Born”: Mom Abandons Her Kids, Gets A Harsh Reality Check 12 Years Later

No matter how much we might want to, there are some things in life you just can’t undo.

One woman was left stunned when her mother suddenly called her out of the blue—after more than a decade of silence. Her shock came not just from the unexpected phone call, but from the painful history behind it. Years ago, her mom walked away from the family, leaving behind deep scars and a childhood full of trauma.

Now, after all that time, her mother was trying to reconcile. But the daughter wasn’t interested in reopening those wounds. Instead, she turned to Reddit to ask if her refusal was too harsh.

After disappearing for 12 years, the woman tried to reconcile with her daughter

Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)

But her attempt did not go the way she hoped

Image credits: Lemonpie1988

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

The grief of dealing with an estranged family member can be complicated

It’s easy to understand why that sudden phone call hit the woman like a lightning strike. After 12 years of silence, it reopened old wounds and brought back memories she thought she had left behind. Reacting emotionally in that moment makes complete sense.

Experts often explain that the grief of estrangement is complicated. They call it living loss.

As psychotherapist Dr. Sharon Martin puts it, living loss happens when someone is still physically in the world but no longer plays a meaningful role in your life. In family estrangement, the connection you once had or wished you could have simply isn’t there.

Unlike grief after losing someone permanently, living loss has no clear endpoint. People find themselves mourning not only the relationship but also the idea of the family they hoped for.

Because there’s no closure, estrangement can stir up uncertainty. You might question whether you made the right decision or wonder if you’ll ever cross paths with that family member again.

Even when a relationship was deeply painful, the memories don’t just disappear. Those shared experiences still exist, and the absence can sometimes feel just as heavy as the presence once did.

“We may sense and feel their presence, which can hold us in the relationship even if we have ceased contact,” says Dr. Becca Bland, an expert on family estrangement. They can leave behind a real void where their place used to be.

On top of everything else, there’s often the weight of social stigma. Society tends to put family ties on a pedestal, pushing the idea that they should be maintained no matter what.

Because of this, people who choose to step away may face criticism from friends, relatives, or even strangers, leaving them feeling isolated at the very moment they need support the most.

In this particular story, the woman has her dad and brothers who understand her and are supportive. They can be people she leans on or talks to if she chooses, and having that kind of family makes a real difference.

But while estrangement carries heavy emotions, experts remind us that healing is possible. With time, you can reframe the experience and let go of some of the weight it leaves behind.

Dr. Bland explains that eventually, there comes a stage in estrangement grief where you can begin to recognize the strengths this difficult journey has given you. The challenges, as painful as they are, can also lead to growth.

“We are often given powers of empathy, sensitivity, creativity, insightfulness, and intuition. We are often very resilient, courageous, strong and capable of understanding the pain of others,” she says. “We also are very intentional with our own family and how we raise children, and the decision to have them, and we often go through a journey with understanding who our friends really are. We really know what values we want from our lives.”

Eventually, peace does arrive. According to Dr. Bland, it’s the point when you learn to trust yourself and others again, to feel authentic, present, and grounded in your worth.

That doesn’t mean anger, sadness, or shame vanish completely, but it does mean there’s more space to process those feelings in a healthier way. It’s a long journey, but one that can lead to a stronger, more balanced sense of self.

Readers were fully on the author’s side

Later, she returned with a follow-up to answer some of their questions