Ivana Trump to Write Memoir About Raising Kids Called ‘Raising Trump’

Donald Trump’s first ex-wife Ivana is writing a memoir about bringing up the US president’s eldest three children, slated for release in September, her publishers announced yesterday. Raising Trump will be a “non-partisan, non-political book about motherhood, strength, and resilience,” Gallery Books said. The book is scheduled for publication on September 12. The Republican’s three eldest children, Donald Jr, Ivanka and Eric, were highly visible surrogates for their father during last year’s presidential campaign.

“Every day, people ask me how I raised such great kids,” 68-year-old said in a statement released by the publishing house. “There was no magic to their upbringing. I was a tough and loving mother who taught them the value of a dollar, not to lie, cheat or steal, respect for others.” “She is an amazing mom, teacher and inspiration to all of us. We are incredibly grateful to have grown up in such a loving and close family,” her children said in a joint statement.

So let’s get into this.

First off –  A “non-partisan, non-political book” immediately makes this the center of political attention.  Every single person in the country is going to want to know what went on in that household so this book is 100% political no matter which way you cut it because it involves the President of our country.  Ivana knows that as does her publisher.

Number two:  Whoa whoa whoa.  Who is asking you how you raised such great kids?  Since when are Donald Jr, Ivanka, and Eric such great kids?  I’m pretty sure that a fair amount of people would highly disagree with you there Ivana.  And I don’t think people think too highly of you either.   “Not to lie?  Not to cheat?  Respect for others?”  If that’s what you say Ivana!

Lastly:  Call this book anything you want but let’s call it what it really is: an opportunity to profit off your ex-husband being the President.  Don’t get me wrong.  She has every single right in the world to do this but she could have written this “book” years ago.

My Story – I’m going to write a tell-all book about my experiences with Donald Trump that took place on the night of April 5th, 1981.  I was 2 years-old, on a plane.  I was super nervous and crying before take off and this guy comes up to me and gets all up in my face telling me to shut up.  I start crying again and what does he do?  Slaps me right in the face.   I’m pretty sure that guy was Donald Trump.  Can I settle for a couple million in a lawsuit based on this story?  I’m pretty sure I can make it stick.