Marriage is no easy job — it’s not only a commitment to another person, but hard work to keep up that pact, for all parties involved.
And still, sometimes not even the biggest effort can help the case, especially when one partner is being deliberately (or subconsciously) awful. Like, take these examples we provided in today’s list — do you think there’s any way to salvage a marriage when someone is acting like this? Well, if you do, we’re looking for your ideas in the comments!
More info: Reddit
#1
It’s not lack of love that damages marriage but lack of respect .
Image source: BenneIdli, zinkevych
#2
My ex used to always say “this is why no one likes you” whenever he was mad at me. i think that’s a rotten thing to say to your significant other.
Image source: Superb-Character9173, freepik
#3
Making fun of something your spouse is into (I mean seriously making fun of it…if you and your spouse have the kind of dynamic where you both have fun poking gentle fun at each other, then that’s different).
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#4
If your buddy has a newborn at home and his availability to go out for drinks with the boys hasn’t changed, your buddy is a horrible spouse.
Image source: spookyxskepticism, Leo Byron GL
#5
“Nobody will want you, when I leave you”.
Image source: Kakashisith, freepik
#6
Blaming something that is happening on your spouse, especially when that spouse is in a vulnerable position (just experienced a loss in the family, is pregnant, etc)
I’ve known a guy who would pick fights with his spouse and then come to tell us it all started because she was pregnant and very emotional. Honestly even if it was true why would you throw your spouse under the bus like that??
Needless to say we ain’t friends no more.
Image source: Poopoopeepee1967, hryshchyshen
#7
You don’t know the names of any of your children’s: teachers, doctor, friends, interests, etc.
You put your spouse down in a “joking” manner in front of others.
You actively try to make sure your spouse never gets to do any pleasurable activity that doesn’t include you (hobbies and such).
You’re jealous and seek to control your partner.
You allow your partner to carry the whole households chores and when you do *something* you frame it as “helping” your spouse or doing them a favor.
Image source: fattybuttz, EyeEm
#8
Dismissing concerns or turning any time they communicate their feelings into how it hurts your feelings. Not supporting your partner or talking negatively about them behind their backs for validation. Approaching issues by trying to win instead of facing the problem as a team. Failing to communicate concerns or feelings, leading to resentment and disrespect.
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#9
Fighting to win instead of discussing to resolve and overcome.
Image source: Kursed_Valeth, freepik
#10
Flirting with other people in front of them but it’s “just harmless fun, stop being so sensitive”. It’s extremely disrespectful. And if the tables were turned to prove a point they would go bonkers.
Image source: MrPilgrim, ArthurHidden
#11
Always playing devil’s advocate/extending grace to others in situations your spouse is clearly being treated wrongly. A friend of the family’s ended up divorced and it was one of the tells I always saw that things weren’t as happy as they tried to make it seem. Any time someone was rude to the wife, husband made excuses and rationalized that she must’ve done something to cause that behavior. Same with when there were disagreements about things. The husband would dogpile on the wife and almost take a glee in seeing them become increasingly uncomfortable even when we’re discussing inconsequential things like whether or not we thought a movie was good. Idk if I’m explaining it right or using the right terminology but that s**t is toxic.
Image source: Blanche_Deverheauxxx, freepik
#12
Making decisions for the both of you without consulting them
Walking ahead of them and never checking if theyre even still with you
Leaving all housecleaning up to them
Leaving all childcare up to them.
Image source: Remarkable-Low559, EyeEm
#13
A spouse that looks for the lowest blows when you are arguing.
Image source: supremevapist, Drazen Zigic
#14
Once I was driving a married couple I knew to the airport and the wife said “I think I just saw a monkey running on the side of the road!” And the husband lost his mind and was screaming at her “THERE ARE NO MONKEYS IN MARYLAND! ARE YOU F*****G STUPID!?!!!???!??”
So…him, he’s what screams horrible spouse.
#15
Constantly “joking” at your spouse’s expense, ribbing them or giving them s**t, but never offering real compliments or affection.
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#16
“I wouldn’t be with you if I thought you were stupid”
Proceeds to call me stupid every single day. Telling me everything I like is dumb and so are my parents. All my pets are dumb. He is the smartest person ever. He knows how to do everything. He spent five years in S. Korea. Knows more about Korea than my mom who was born there and lived there for 20 years. Says he’s afraid to let my mom dog sit because she might eat our dogs.
-Ex husband.
Image source: Zeenomorphs, tirachardz
#17
Families out to dinner where the mom is juggling children and unable to eat her own food while dad plays on his phone.
Image source: peachysdollies, shaon929
#18
When they can sit there and watch you cry over something they did and not feel an ounce of emotion about it.
Image source: KarmaAwaitsYou, freepik
#19
My head chef’s boyfriend walked through the back door of the restaurant to come into the kitchen screaming in the middle of Friday night rush because she didn’t answer her phone when he called. He was asking when she was off work from what I could tell.
So uhh, that.
Image source: Silvervirage, freepik
#20
Texting your work crush every day and neglecting to tell them you have a live in girlfriend already since she only exists when it’s convenient for you.
Image source: RespondOpposite, freepik
#21
‘What’s mine is mine, but what’s yours – is ours,’.
Image source: Cyclist007, freepik
#22
Going to a trip with friends while leaving your wife alone at home days after giving birth.
Bonus points if you do so while she is still at the hospital.
Image source: LTKerr, rawpixel.com
#23
The usuals of cheating, lying, disrespect.
But the underlying threads of conflict avoidance, dismissal of the partners feelings to avoid difficult discussions, inability to process and overcome issues without turning the focus onto their own emotions and making every issue about them, lack of accountability for how their actions impact their partner regardless of intentions. (Pretty much just a lack of emotional intelligence.)
Talking about relationship issues with anyone besides their partner without attempting resolution with their partner at all. Talking badly about their partner to others, effectively isolating their partner from mutual family/friends in the progress. Or putting friends/family into a difficult place where they have to offer advice or choose a side without the full picture.
Honestly, anything that consistently delays conflict resolution and builds resentment doesn’t equate to a good spouse. Obviously there are always nuances, but if these things are constants or common, they don’t usually add more than they take away from relationships.
Image source: Loverien, user33154880
#24
Yelling at spouse in front of kids.
Image source: No-Mushroom9782, freepik
#25
Systematically separating a spouse from hobbies and or friends.
I see this too often in relationships. And they brain wash them into thinking it’s necessary to be a good spouse or parent.
I usually see this come from the side of the relationship that doesn’t engage in hobbies or stay in touch with their friends if they had any. It’s like because they don’t have any they have to pull the other one down.
These are usually the people who you notice the biggest differences in when they get divorced. You see them get vitally back bc they are once again doing the things that bring them joy and letting joyful people back into their life.
Image source: Lythalion, freepik
#26
Using things told in confidence as ammunition during arguments.
My ex would use things I had told him about my parents’ untreated mental illness (yay, boomers) to wound me during fights if he was losing the upper hand.
Image source: Patient_Tradition368, Ambreen
#27
Being selfish/disrespectful and not doing your share of the work.
Image source: alwaysright0, user25451090
#28
Emotional ~~hijacking~~ reactivity/blame shifting, whenever the first spouse has a grievance or wants to set a boundary the other person will shut down because it made them feel a certain way so the conversation is no longer about the first spouse. The first person is usually left trying to make amends but they never truly processed their original emotion.
Edit*
Bonus extra s****y spouse move: Using the kids as pawns. No matter which parent is at fault during a dispute traumatizing the children is never a good reason.
Image source: Stevesegallbladder, freepik
#29
Financial a***e. Any type of a***e is awful, but this one is WAY more common and accepted as normal than a lot of people think.
Image source: PenguinGoose115, EyeEm
#30
Leaving your wife at home alone with 3-4 kids, a postpartum dog, and 12-hour old newborn puppies to go out for a leisure activity.
Image source: smangela69, freepik
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