i need new roasts for people.
#1
I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend are a f*****g cactus
#2
“If laughter is the best medicine, you’re face is curing the world”
#3
An Aussie said, “Take away your snow capped mountains, culture, and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The kiwi answered, “Australia”.
#4
“You’re so stupid that you could climb a tree once and fall twice.”
#5
You are the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo!
#6
How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
#7
Them: you are so ugly
Me: TY ,I TRIED MY BEST TO LOOK LIKE YOU
#8
If I wanted to kill myself I would jump from your ego to your IQ.
#9
I’d rather eat s**t than vote for trump
#10
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
#11
Why is Australia such a dry country?
We don’t have a king or queen to reign on it.
#12
Hey! Can someone put a lid on this trash can already?
#13
Them: *rolls eyes*
Me: keep rolling those eyes you might find a brain back there.
#14
Spiders wouldn’t bite you
#15
Even Trump would f**k you
#16
He has a face like a dropped pie
#17
When someone says I look familiar, I say ‘I do porn’
#18
You’re a few pancakes short of an already short stack
#19
My fish have more common sense than Americans
#20
You have a face like a smacked bum
#21
Want to hear a joke about the construction industry in Australia?
Too bad, they’re still working on it.
Hmmm and protesting about vacations!!
Noodles!!
#22
A sandwich short of a picnic
#23
Your about as sharp as a bag of rocks
#24
Your so ugly when the doctor told you mom you were treasure she said yeah let’s bury it
#25
Potatoes, carrots and some pepper
#26
What’s the last thing a bogan says before they pass away?
“Hey mate – check this out!!”
#27
A can short of a slab
#28
Your a few stubbies short of a six pack!
#29
Your a few stubbies short of a six pack!
#30
Wrap your laughing gear ’round that
#31
Go eat a d**k ya a**e clown
#32
You have a face like a smacked bum!
#33
Your so overrated that reddit is crying
#34
What’s the last thing a bogan says before they pass away?
“Hey mate – check this out!!”
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