It’s that time of the year again when skeletons come out of the closets, pumpkin sales go booming, and taking candy from strangers becomes socially acceptable.
Whether you are attending a Halloween shindig, DIYing your kid a costume, or taking advantage of candy sales, there’s no better time to indulge in some Halloween jokes and ghostly humor than now.
When the days get shorter and evenings get darker, it’s a grave idea to lighten the mood with some funny Halloween dad jokes! And if you are not a particular fan of horror films or ghost movies, don’t worry! There’s no need to be a phobophile to enjoy some skeleton jokes, as they are not scary or creepy. But surely hell-a punny and deadly contagious!
So while we Pandas bring ourselves some bamboo, get yourself a bag of candy corn and delight yourself in some corny humor with our collection of Halloween jokes (Plus Jokes for Kids).
Found a Halloween joke you will send to your ghoul friend? Let us know! And once you’re done reading through these ghost jokes, check out our recent posts featuring even more scary jokes and morbid humor!
Dead-Funny Halloween Jokes (New 2025 Picks Added)
#1 Not exactly a love bite
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
#2 Relatable Bone-AF Truth
Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love.
#3 Wrapped up in bad predictions
How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope.
#4 Plot twist: Bamboo’s haunting diet
What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO!
#5 I guess they’re really good at hiding
How do you know you’ve been ghosted?
The poltergeist doesn’t text you back.
#6 Boo-mail Hits Different
How do ghosts send letters?
Through the ghost office.
#7 Dead tired but still working
Why don’t mummies take time off?
They’re afraid to unwind.
#8 Spooky beats with a twist
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music.
#9 Cold cuts with a bite
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
#10 Bones over beauty, every time
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
#11 Nightmare fuel, but make it cozy
What do you call zombies in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
#12 I ain’t sharing my shampoo secrets
What brand of shampoo do zombies use?
Head and Shoulders.
#13 Romance that bites back
What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love?
A zom-com.
#14 This One’s Too Real
How do you get rid of demons?
Exorcise a lot.
#15 Strong enough to stitch you up
Who’s the scariest body builder of all time?
Dr. Frankenstein.
#16 That comeback’s just haunting me
What did one ghost say to the other?
“Get a life!”
#17 Fishing puns that reel you in
What did the fisherman say on Halloween?
“Trick or trout.”
#18 This joke just coffin around
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
#19 When Your Heart Just Isn’t In It
The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-pictures because his heart wasn’t in it.
#20 Found my new Halloween squad goals
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
#21 Ghosts hate having guests.
What room does a ghost not need in a house?
A living room.
#22 Classic brain teaser, zero spelling bee skills
Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell.
#23 That’s spellbindingly clever
What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates!
#24 Wart cures that missed the mark
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts?
I don’t know, but it’s not working.
#25 Not Your Average Beach Trip
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
#26 Okay, now that’s pun-derful
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
#27 Ghosts with feelings? Boo-hoo for real.
How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing.
#28 Friendship? Nah, they’re all wrapped up
Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
#29 Sweetest ancient mystery ever
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?
A Pharaoh Roche.
#30 Cold medicine beats eternal coughing
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much.
#31 Bone to be chill
Know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
#32 Bone Appétit, Anyone?
What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
#33 Dead serious about that pun
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
#34 Bone-afide art fans
What kind of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures.
#35 Witch, please—watch the handle
What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry?
She flew off the handle.
#36 Pun Intended, Obviously
What do you call a witch with a rash?
An itchy-witchy.
#37 Pumpkin’s worst nightmare revealed
Why was the jack-o’-lantern scared?
Because it had no guts.
#38 This joke actually carved me up
What did the pumpkin say to its carver?
“Cut it out!”
#39 Plot twist: snacks are on the side
Why don’t zombies eat popcorn with their hands?
They eat their hands separately.
#40 Brains? Nah, It’s All About Graaaains
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaains!
#41 Rib-Tickling Humor Alert
I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
#42 Vampire Problems, Honestly
Why don’t I like Dracula?
He’s a pain in the neck.
#43 This pun slayed me
Why don’t werewolves ever know the time?
Because they’re not whenwolves.
#44 Best escape plan ever
Why does a witch ride a broomstick?
So she can make a clean getaway.
#45 Classic joke, but still hits different
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s only Halloween.
#46 Guess he couldn’t ghost the bill
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist?
The house was repossessed.
#47 Plot twist from the undead playlist
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood.
#48 Nosebleeds, But Make It Spooky
What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
#49 I Scream, You Scream, Ghosts Scream Too
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
#50 Dead serious about safety
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car?
“Fasten your sheet-belts.”
#51 Never saw Ryan like this before
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling.
#52 Cold Truths Served Scooped
What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
#53 Spine-tingling night out vibes
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?
Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
#54 Bone-afide bops only
What’s a skeleton’s favorite song?
“Bad to the Bone.”
#55 Bone-afide band member
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
#56 Witch Parking, But Make It Cozy
What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
#57 Boo-ritos, Anyone?
What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
#58 Best pun makeup ever
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a.
#59 This joke just kicked me!
Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
#60 Plot twist: Pumpkin’s got street smarts
Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town.
#61 Patch things up like a pro
How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
#62 This pun just slayed me
What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Hollow-een.
#63 Classic pumpkin vibes only
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite Western?
The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly.
#64 Plant gains more than just vitamin C
How do gourds grow big and strong?
Pumpkin iron.
#65 This joke’s got bite
Why don’t zombies like pirates?
They’re too salty.
#66 Brains and drizzles, please
What’s a zombie’s favorite weather?
Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
#67 When your job is a grave matter
Why did the zombie become a mortician?
To put food on the table.
#68 Too Dead to Detain
Why aren’t zombies ever arrested?
They can’t be captured alive.
#69 That pun just surfaced
What sea do zombies swim in?
The dead sea.
#70 Cheesy but Undead
What’s a zombie’s favorite cheese?
Zom-brie.
#71 Brain food, but make it bread
What kind of bread do zombies like?
Whole brain.
#72 I Didn’t See That Bite Coming
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
#73 Plot twist: dentists love sugar too
What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It’s good for business.
#74 Pumpkin’s streetwise sidekick
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
The crossing gourd.
#75 Eye see what you did there
What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Candy corneas.
#76 Ghosts That Really Bring It
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
They have a lot of spirit!
#77 Date me or die trying
What does the vampire’s Valentine say?
“You’re just my blood type.”
#78 Classic vampire vibes
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood!
#79 Pumpkin Spice & Punchlines
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad it’s Halloween?
#80 This Joke Actually Rings True
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Figs!
Figs who?
Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
#81 Trick or Treat, Who’s Talking?
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Witch!
Witch who?
Witch one of you has my candy?
#82 Ghosts really know how to chill
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Ice cream!
Ice Cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
#83 Bootiques? Now that’s spirit shopping!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop?
Bootiques.
#84 Pointing out the obvious, but still funny
How do you know vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
#85 Plot twist: dog’s got the bones now
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
#86 I’m here for these bone jokes
What do skeletons fly around in?
A scareplane or a skelecopter.
#87 Okay, that’s ghost-level genius
How do ghosts search the Web?
They use ghoul-gle.
#88 Dead tired but still funny
Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
#89 Serve it with a side of spooky class
What type of plates do skeletons like to use?
Bone china.
#90 Classic thirsty vampire move
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
“Let’s stop in for a cool one!”
#91 Plot twist: bones have deadlines too
The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.
#92 Dead serious opener
How do vampires start their letters?
“Tomb it may concern…”
#93 Skinny scares only, please
Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures
#94 Classic Dad Joke Energy
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.
#95 Ghost caught lacking paperwork, classic
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license.
#96 Classic dad joke energy
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff.
#97 Too Cool for School, Literally
Why did the ghost quit studying?
Because he was too ghoul for school.
#98 Plot twist in aisle three
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?
“Get a broom!”
#99 Okay, but now I’m imagining haunted theaters.
What’s a ghost’s favorite play?
Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
#100 Lowkey the best spooky pun yet
What kind of horse do ghosts ride?
A night-mare.
#101 Winning at life, no head required
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
#102 Classic vampire energy, honestly
Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation.
#103 Dracula’s secret commute revealed
How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels.
#104 Too dead to deal with it
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
#105 Plot twist: Jelly’s missing, not the doughnut
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
#106 Stakeholders? Hard pass.
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders.
#107 Talent with a bite
Why are vampires bad at art?
They are only able to draw blood.
#108 I see you’re ready to tidy up some bones!
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper.
#109 Bones over spoilers any day
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn’t have the guts.
#110 Bone-chilling but clever
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
#111 I see you, bone dad joke.
Where did the skeleton keep his money?
In the crypt-o market.
#112 Spellbound and Still Laughing
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
#113 Witchy naps hit different
Why did the witch take a nap?
She needed to rest a spell.
#114 That explains the Halloween blisters
What do witches get when their shoes are too tight?
Candy corns.
#115 I’m laughing way too hard at this one
How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray.
#116 Witch, Please—Identity Crisis
What’s the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
#117 When life breaks your broomstick
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
#118 This Pumpkin’s Got Taste
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?
Pulp fiction.
#119 Well, that escalated quickly
What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.
#120 Pumpkin Spice and All the Tea
Why was the gourd so gossipy?
To give ’em pumpkin to talk about.
#121 Gourd Times Ahead
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.
#122 Crosswalk’s finest veggie hero
Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road?
The crossing gourd.
#123 Plot Twist: Pumpkin’s Secret Stage
Where does a pumpkin preach?
From the pulp-it.
#124 Brain drain strikes again
Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school?
Someone scooped his brains out.
#125 That’s one way to snack
What’s a zombie’s favorite treat?
You might guess brain food, but it’s actually eye candy.
#126 Neighborhood goals, but make it undead
Where do zombies live?
On a dead-end street.
#127 Dating advice from the undead
How do you know if a zombie likes someone?
They ask for seconds.
#128 Dead tired and still laughing
What is a zombie sleepover called?
Mass grave.
#129 Well, That Escalated Squash-ly
I dropped my pumpkin yesterday.
Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!
#130 Dark humor’s real MVP
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don’t know but you really shouldn’t be in the dark with a cannibal.
#131 Okay, that’s eggcellent
What was the chicken ghost’s name?
Poultrygeist.
#132 Guess who’s stealing your snacks
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Iguana.
Iguana who?
Iguana eat all your candy.
#133 Classic dad joke energy
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!
#134 This Joke Slayed Me
Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Eddie!
Eddie who?
Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
#135 I See What You Did There
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
Spooktacles.
#136 Vacationing with more boos than you bargained for
Where do ghosts go on holidays?
The Boohamas.
#137 Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin.
#138 Spookier Than Your Average Tweet
What did the bird say on Halloween?
“Twick or tweet.”
#139 Parenting but make it spooky
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
“Buckle your sheet belt!”
#140 When the chaos is funnier than scary
What goes “Ha-ha-ha-ha!” right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?
A monster laughing its head off!
#141 This Riddle Just Nailed It
What has hundreds of ears but can’t hear a thing?
A cornfield!
#142 This Joke Snuck Up On Me
What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A fence.
#143 Bone to be wild
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They’re LUMBARjacks!
#144 I see what you did there
Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Ghoul scouts.
#145 Dead serious about storytelling
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
Because there are so many plots there!
#146 Well, that’s one spooky pun
What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?
A night mare.
#147 Casually the most spirited squad
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit.
#148 Eggs That Bring the Fright
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terror-fried.
#149 Dead inside but fancy
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn’t have one.
Follow Us
