Every family carries unspoken questions about “what if the worst happens. For parents, especially those raising children with special needs, the thought of an uncertain future can be terrifying. Guardianship decisions aren’t just legal paperwork; they’re also about trust, love, and ensuring a child will be safe in the hands of someone who truly wants to be there.
That’s the heart of this story. Today’s Original Poster (OP) was asked to consider becoming the guardian of her father’s new wife’s four-year-old son, a boy on the autism spectrum. When she refused, her father accused her of being selfish.
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Family decisions are never easy, especially when they involve questions about the future of a child
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s father remarried, and his new wife has a 4-year-old son on the autism spectrum whose biological father is absent
Image credits: CloseSmaiys
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
They began to search for a future guardian for the son in case of tragedy, but friends and relatives declined the responsibility
Image credits: CloseSmaiys
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
They then turned to the author, who has little contact with him and barely knows his wife or her child
Image credits: CloseSmaiys
She refused guardianship despite her father’s pressure, insisting it’s not her responsibility, while he accused her of being selfish
The OP’s father remarried in the previous year, and his wife has a four-year-old son who is on the autism spectrum from another relationship. Now, the biological father is absent, while his extended family isn’t in the picture either. This left the mom and OP’s father scrambling to figure out a future guardian in case the worst were to happen to the son.
Initially, they sought help from in-laws and friends, but every potential candidate declined, so with options running out, they turned to the OP, who was not exactly waiting by the phone to take on parental responsibilities. The truth is that she doesn’t have a close bond with her dad. Their conversations, her connection to his new wife and stepson is practically nonexistent as she’s only met the child once.
While her stepmother tried to soften the request by suggesting they spend more time together, the OP stood firm. For her, that ship sailed long ago when her father wasn’t present during her childhood. She already built a separate life, and she just doesn’t want that boundary crossed. The father, however, isn’t letting it go.
He believes adoption would make the boy her brother and insists she should care about his future. She pushed back hard because she doesn’t want guardianship, period. In the end, her father called her selfish for refusing, pointing to the harsh realities of the foster system, but she argued it isn’t her responsibility to solve a situation that stems from her dad’s choices.
To better understand the dynamics of family responsibility and guardianship, Bored Panda spoke with clinical psychologist Florence Okezie, who explained that a parent’s absence during a child’s formative years can have a lasting impact on how that child approaches responsibilities later in life. “Childhood is when we learn trust, boundaries, and whether our efforts matter,” she said.
Without steady guidance, adults may either shy away from responsibility, fearing failure without support, or take on too much to prove their independence. Okezie emphasized that these patterns are not permanent, and that recognizing them allows adults to make conscious choices rather than react out of old coping strategies.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
We asked her if there are ways for parents to plan for a child’s future without putting undue pressure on adult children who aren’t closely connected, and she stressed the importance of combining foresight with respect for boundaries.
“Clearly documenting wishes like financial, medical, and practical helps prevent adult children from feeling pressured to make sudden decisions,” Okezie explained, stating that tools like trusts and multiple support systems, such as professionals, community resources, or other family members, can prevent any single adult child from shouldering the entire burden.
When discussing the challenges of taking on guardianship of a younger sibling with autism, she highlighted the complex emotional, logistical, and social demands involved. “The person may feel intense responsibility, guilt, or anxiety about making the right choices, while juggling healthcare, education, and therapies alongside their own lives,” she noted.
Social misunderstandings or judgment from friends and extended family can compound the stress, and long-term planning around finances, living arrangements, and support networks is critical. Despite these challenges, Okezie pointed out that success is possible with the right approach.
“Building a strong support system, seeking expert guidance, and setting clear boundaries helps both the guardian and their sibling thrive,” she said, stating further that, by approaching responsibility thoughtfully and intentionally, adults can make room for meaningful growth and independence, for themselves and the siblings they care for.
Netizens supported the OP, emphasizing that she is not at fault for refusing guardianship. They pointed out the unfairness of her father calling her selfish after being absent during her childhood. They also stressed that raising a child, especially one with autism, is a significant responsibility and cannot be forced onto someone unwilling.
If you were in the OP’s shoes, what would be your deal-breaker when it comes to taking responsibility for a child? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens don’t think the author is being selfish at all, and they applauded her for staying firm on not taking on the role
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