You’re nobody until you’re talked about, says a famous tagline from the beloved cult series Gossip Girl. One of the things one can take away from the show is that people will always find a way to criticize and detest you, no matter what you do, how well you do it, or how much you mess up. We all know that gossiping is not nice. However, deliberately or not, we all engage in it sometimes. Point me to a single person who wouldn’t want to hear some juice about their former classmates. Exactly.
Gossip jokes only confirm that people can make a joke about literally any subject and make fun of everything and anything. Cowboy jokes, jokes about plumbers, and even camping jests, you name it. As you can probably tell from the title, we will dip into jokes about gossip and joke about the delicious, beguiling temptation that many simply can’t resist. If you think that tittle-tattles are juicy, then prepare for jokes about gossiping because they are dripping.
Although funny jokes about hearsay can be amusing, we do not encourage gossiping or spreading rumors. While tittle-tattles can be somewhat helpful in bonding with people and instructive in some ways, gossiping is morally wrong and toxic. By engaging in gossip, we poison our thoughts with negativity and prejudice. Hence, let’s avoid it and engage the group with good jokes instead!
Below, we’ve compiled some of the funniest jokes about gossiping! Do you know of any more funny gossip jokes and puns? Let us know!
#1
“I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully the first time.”
#2
“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Everyone I told swore they wouldn’t tell anyone.”
#3
“My friend is spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic. Well, three can play that game!”
#4
“My Mom’s sister is always listening so that she can gossip. We call her Ant Enna.”
#5
What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?
“My ears are burning!”
#6
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers.
#7
A boss told his secretaries to stop gossiping and get back to work. One replied, “We’re not gossiping we’re networking.”
#8
“Remember me at 8 years old refusing to play with the kids to stay with the old ones and hear them gossip.”
#9
“Half of you all sharing the same boyfriend. But that’s none of my business.”
#10
“To all those people that watch my life and gossip about it… Season 3 is coming soon don’t worry.”
#11
Why don’t people gossip during breakfast?
They don’t want to spill the beans.
#12
“I really dislike gossipers. They discuss me.”
#13
“I hate it when chefs gossip about stuff. All they do is stand around and stir the pot.”
#14
“I heard a rumour that tequila can be drunk neat. But I took it with a pinch of salt.”
#15
That feeling when you are finally old enough to listen in on the family gossip and everything starts to make sense.
#16
“I could never be a therapist because I can’t hear a single piece of gossip without asking for a picture of the person.”
Image source: Mabel Lewis
#17
“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?”
#18
“I get all my gossip from a ketchup bottle. Its a very reliable sauce.”
#19
Why was the well-done steak a terrible gossip?
It wasn’t juicy enough!
#20
“A very nosy neighbour told people on our street that my husband and I were getting a divorce since we didn’t put up Christmas lights on the outside of our house one year.”
#21
“I never waste time commenting on people’s Facebook posts. I screenshot it, text it to a friend, and comment on it there.”
Image source: Michael R. Carlson
#22
“I hate women who gossip about me at the workplace. Especially to the HR.”
#23
Why do bills always gossip with each other in the mailbox?
Because they are fee-mail.
#24
The first rule of Thesaurus Club: “You don’t talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.”
#25
“I’m a gossip.”
“So I’ve heard.”
#26
What do you call a monkey that likes to gossip?
A blaboon.
#27
What do you call gossip about kings and queens?
Royal tea.
#28
“A study finds that men are just as likely as women to spread gossip. At least that’s what I heard Rick tell Brad (who, by the way, has a crush on Patty.)”
#29
“I was told by Peggy, who heard from Sandy, who was informed by Vivian, that you think I hang around with gossips.”
#30
“I’m not nosey, I just like to gather information.”
#31
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.
#32
“Funny how people never gossip about how you helped them.”
Image source: lowkeyalbert
#33
“I believe in talking behind people backs; that way, they hear it more than once.”
#34
“Senior year, I had a severe allergic reaction and was hospitalized and out of school for about a week. People thought I died and were shocked when I returned to school.”
#35
“I was very close with this girl when I was in 9th grade. She was my best friend and we did everything together. Cue people saying we were lesbians. The girl then decided to ditch me because she hated those rumors and wanted to stop them. Three years later, turns out she actually is a lesbian.”
#36
“Some girl in the middle school spread a rumor that I had lice. Even the teachers believed it. I cut my hair off.”
#37
“One of the biggest gossips I ever heard about myself is that a lot of people think I’m ex-military, and that I’ve killed a man before.”
#38
“In 11th grade — right before I got my license — I slipped down the steps of the school bus and broke my wrist. I was out of school for two days and, when I returned, my friends told me people were saying I had opened the back emergency door of the bus and jumped out while it was moving.”
#39
In which month do gossipers gossip the least?
February, cause it has only 28 days.
#40
Two people gossiping: “Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for writing down something illegal?”,-“No way! What was the sentence?”
#41
Why won’t Malia and Sasha Obama’s classmate’s gossip about them?
Because they know their father can read their emails.
#42
Where do chimps get their gossip?
On the ape vine.
#43
Kid: “Dad, what’s gossip?”
Dad: “Hmm… I think you could say that gossip is a person with a great sense of rumour.”
#44
What’s it called when a group of people gossips at a Red Sox home game?
The Boston Tea Party.
#45
There’s a rumor going around at work that we’re getting a new beverage dispenser. Management hasn’t confirmed yet, so it could just be water cooler gossip.
#46
“I’ve heard a lot of gossip about molasses today. It’s nothing more than viscous rumours.”
#47
So Leonardo Dicaprio wants to quosh rumours that he only dates women under 25… To demonstrate this, he’s now dating Pete Davidson!
#48
There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women. But it was all just Hera-say.
#49
“I heard a gossip about butter. Everyone’s spreading it.”
#50
“I heard a rumour about the Canadian Prime Minister. Not sure if it’s Trudeau.”
#51
“I know I should mind my own business but it’s not as interesting as yours.”
#52
If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart!
#53
If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
#54
“Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.”
#55
“I come to work just to be funny, drink tea, gossip, and be cute, and then rush to finish everything in the last hour. When will the cycle end?”
Image source: nikonickatina
#56
“I love being the quiet kid, hearing all the gossip is honestly so funny.”
Image source: Klarissa Loera
#57
What are the three quickest ways of spreading gossip?
The internet, telephone, tell your mom.
#58
It isn’t what they say about you, it’s what they whisper.
#59
Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
#60
“I was told I was pregnant by an unreliable source. As a virgin, I was shocked.”
#61
“I spent a lot of high school “pregnant”. I apparently had an immaculate conception with the gestational period of a elephant.”
#62
“I moved from the US to Canada and didn’t use FaceBook for many years. I found out later from my brother that everyone from my old university and high school said that I had been deported from the US. There were varying stories about why, but they were all convinced I had been arrested and deported.”
#63
“That I lost my virginity at 11 and that I had a string of girlfriends all throughout high school. The truth was I was just really good friends with all of them and way to focused on becoming a pokemon master to care about sex.”
#64
“My friends started a rumor that I’m Jewish. Nothing wrong with being Jewish but why? Two people texted me this weekend asking what I got for Hanukkah.”
#65
“I heard I was a transvestite. It was amazing. I have four children I have given birth to and the people who started the rumor know one of them. Plus, a transvestite would dress better than I do.”
#66
“In high school, someone started a rumor that I was a pedophile because the girl I was dating at the time was not big-breasted.”
#67
“When I was 13, people thought I was dating a 17-year-old cheerleader. A kid saw me going into her house a couple times a week and sometimes in the yard together. The truth: Our moms were friends, and my mom hired the cheerleader to tutor me because I’m bad at math.”
#68
“I visited Samoa in 2009 while a tsunami hit. A friend back home spread gossip throughout our school that I was swept by the wave and broke both of my legs and almost died. Supposedly two people cried for me.”
#69
“People online have called me a fat American neckbeard living in my mom’s basement. I’m a skinny Asian girl and my mom doesn’t even have a basement!”
#70
“I heard that I worked at an ice cream shop. I did not. I had no job. Working at an ice cream shop sounds cool, though.”
#71
“My neighbor’s cousin broke into her house and stole 37 guns,” this person writes, “Also I learned my neighbor owned at least 37 guns.”
#72
“Just found out that my brother, who divorced his ex-wife a year ago, got married to a new woman in secret,” a comment reads, “I mean secret as in that he hasn’t told his own kids about it (10 and 12 years old).”
#73
The most important parties to attend are the ones you weren’t invited to.
#74
Sometimes you should tell people different stories about your life so that when they gossip about you they argue.
#75
“I don’t care about celebrity gossip. Give me small scale gossip. I want to know why the night shift employees at “Kohl’s” are mad at each other.”
#76
“When I say ‘I hate drama’ I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan.”
#77
You ever heard a rumor about yourself and actually wanted to hear more like damn… What did I do next?
#78
“Gossiping? You mean oral histories and traditions?”
#79
“Trying to gossip with your dad is so hard because first, you have to introduce the characters, then give the plot line, then dish him the dets and then you have to repeat again because he wasn’t listening to the first time.”
#80
“I deserve an Oscar for every time I have to pretend that this gossip I heard for the first time.”
#81
What do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?
Not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.
#82
“Rumors are worst than being robbed because gossips steal another persons dignity.”
#83
“I own a gossipy parrot. Which really says a lot about me.”
#84
“We don’t like to refer to it as gossiping. We simply consider it “Sharing our opinions about other people’s life choices.”
#85
“You must get tired of putting makeup on two faces every morning.”
#86
Some people should use a gluestick instead of chopsticks.
#87
If you worked half as much as you run your smooth, you would be rich.
#88
Three priests are on a fishing trip. One of them says “Since we are alone here with God, perhaps we can tell our greatest sins. This would relieve us and perhaps allow us to overcome our mistakes.” The other two agree, and one begins “I’m an alcoholic. Every Sunday, I look forward to the end of the sermon to go and drink my bottle of whiskey.” The second says “I love women. Every Sunday, I look forward to the end of Mass to go flirt a pretty young thing at the bar.” The third, the one who proposed the confession “I love gossip. And this Sunday, I can not wait to get back to town.”
#89
“I saw in an online forum thread that apparently I’ve taken up pizza baking as my new career.”
#90
Detective: “You play good coop and I’ll play bad cop.”
Me: “Got it.”
Detective: “Tell us who did it or else.”
Me: “Yeah, spill the tea, sis.”
#91
“My own mother told my sister that I was fired from Tim Horton’s for stealing a donut as a joke. It was obviously not true, but my sister believed it for YEARS.”
#92
“Not me, but a kid at my school was rumored to be homeschooled…even though he came to school.”
#93
“I heard I was an extra in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. How this rumor started or who started it, I don’t think I’ll ever know. Just one day I got a message from a friend saying, ‘Hey, is it true you’re in a Harry Potter movie?’ This rumor started when the movie came out like in 2004, yet I still occasionally have someone ask me.”
#94
“I used to feed stray dogs living at an old military base where I worked. A co-worker saw me walk by every day at noon with a big bag of dog chow, so he concluded that I was eating it myself. This rumor spread until it reached me and I was baffled.”
#95
“My boyfriend at the time got a call from someone saying they just saw me going down on another guy in a mall parking lot. I was sitting right next to my boyfriend about 45 minutes away from the mall he was at.”
#96
“Someone in middle school said that I couldn’t turn my head and, if I wanted to look at something next to me, I had to turn my whole body to look at it.”
#97
“I grew up in a pretty conservative town in Indiana and, when I was in 2nd grade, I told a friend that I didn’t believe in God. I found out later that — because of this — she spread gossip around the class that I worshipped the devil.”
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