If a Shania Twain intro makes you feel like you can kick a door in, you are a woman. And being a woman is pretty freaking fantastic. But it is also a world of mysterious bobby pins that appear out of nowhere, a “period-only” wardrobe that is both comfortable and deeply unsexy, and a thousand other little things that men are blissfully, wonderfully unaware of.
But what if we finally pulled back the curtain? An online community asked women to break the code and share the “girl secrets” that guys just don’t know about. The answers were a hilarious and deeply relatable symphony of “omg, so true.” We’ve gathered the most brilliant confessions below.
More info: Reddit
#1
I frequently have snacks in my purse. I don’t tell because I don’t want to share.
Image source: buttfluffvampire, rudoelena
#2
Late to the party, but…. some of us shave our toes.
Image source: usehernamechexout, freepik
#3
We have “period underwear” that’s usually reserved for days 1 and 2 of our cycle. Very comfy and roomy.
Let’s start with the big one, the monthly event that still has half the population completely and utterly baffled: the period. In news that will shock absolutely no one who has ever owned a uterus, a recent study confirmed that the average man’s knowledge of menstruation is… well, let’s just say it’s not great.
There are some pretty major gaps in their understanding of the whole situation. They found that less than half of the men surveyed could correctly identify what a menstrual cycle is, and most of them didn’t have basic knowledge of how long it even lasts. (P.S. It’s around 28 days. The more you know!) This profound lack of information is why a whole secret universe exists around periods.
Some girls admitted to having a “period only” wardrobe. Others couldn’t stop bonding over all the gross things that they deal with before and after the main event. But the one thing everyone can agree on is that it is crucial that there is more information out there and that we prioritize equal sexual health education. After all, half the population menstruates, and 100% of people know someone who does.
#4
We can use just eye contact to ask a stranger (female) to come save us from a creep. Normally they will pretend to be friends and offer to stay with you until you find your mates.
Image source: sapphireghosts, Wavebreak Media
#5
Bras do not get washed after every wear.
Image source: Butterflylollipop, freepik
#6
Taking off a bra without removing any other garments is not that hard.
Image source: VeryAngryBubbles, rawpixel.com
One of the greatest silver linings of this profound male obliviousness is that it has created a perfect, fertile ground for comedy gold. Because men’s knowledge of the female body seems to be based on a combination of whispered rumors and vague, 8th-grade health class diagrams, it has become incredibly easy to mess with them.
A prime example of this is a viral trend where women decided to “reveal” the biggest period secret of all: that at the end of every cycle, women have to peel off the entire top layer of their skin, a process they dubbed “the shedding.” The prank was an immediate, spectacular success.
The videos were flooded with men who were not just confused, but genuinely, deeply horrified, with some even asking how they could help their girlfriends through this difficult “peeling” process. Don’t worry, guys, there are no lizard people among you. That we know of…
#7
We really don’t give anywhere near as much of a s**t about your d**k size as you.
Image source: BonnieZoom, ibrakovic
#8
When you shampoo some of the hair that falls out will get stuck into your a*s.
Image source: SkyhuntL, gpointstudio
#9
I know several females that, before they go on a first date with a guy, they’ll share their location with a friend and text them that guy’s full name… just in case.
Image source: KissedByFire2194, freepik
Another deeply humbling female experience is secret gardening. The daily, low-grade battle fought in front of a magnifying mirror against a series of uninvited guests. It’s that rogue chin hair that sprouts overnight with the strength and veracity of an oak tree. And just when you think you’ve won the battle on your face, you look down and see there is a little patch of grass on your big toe.
So, why is your big toe sprouting? It all comes down to good old-fashioned genetics and hormones, which can cause hair to pop up in some truly random places. It also shows good blood flow to your extremities, so, good news, if you have hairy toes, you are probably not at risk of losing a toe any time soon.
Normal or not, it is still a constant, deeply personal war of attrition that men are blissfully unaware of. They just see the smooth, finished product, not the daily guerrilla warfare it took to get there. So whether your weapon of choice is a tweezer, some hot wax, or a good old razor, celebrate this little patch of healthy hair! You’ll miss it when it’s gone.
#10
Almost every woman out there has little hairs around the nipples that we remove. Most of our secrets have to do with us being human, having hair and other bodily functions
Edit: areola of course, not nipples.
Image source: NettleGnome, prostock-studio
#11
Wiping during a period can sometimes give what we call a “PB&J”.
Image source: oNOCo, Sora Shimazaki
#12
When guys try to act cool in front of girls, it’s painfully obvious and almost always goes awry.
Here’s a secret that isn’t about our bodies, but about our brains. We are not just walking uteruses who spend all day thinking about rogue chin hairs. We are also incredibly complex, empathetic beings. In fact, numerous studies have suggested that women often display higher levels of emotional intelligence than men. We are neurologically wired to be more attuned to emotional subtleties and social cues.
And this, gentlemen, is the secret behind the most mysterious female ritual of all: the group trip to the bathroom. No, we don’t need help on the toilet. The bathroom is not a bathroom; it is a temporary sanctuary. It is a private, safe space where we can have a debriefing session away from the prying eyes of the world.
It’s where we go to analyze a weird text, to have a mini-therapy session about a bad date, or to simply get a consensus on whether or not it’s time to leave the party. It’s a support group, a war room, and a gossip session all rolled into one, and it is a vital part of our social survival.
#13
Period p**p and farts. I am not even kidding, but the cramps feel better after pooping.
Image source: existentially_there, lenblr
#14
The weird stray hairs on your chin, neck, cheek. I had one on my neck that I never knew about until recently. I tweezed it off, and it was about 3 inches long. How did I not see this before?!
Image source: DareWright, Faruk Tokluoğlu
#15
If we are having s*x, my increased moaning is not a signal for you to increase speed or impact, its a signal to continue doing exactly what you are doing without changing a thing for another 20-50 seconds so i can c*m.
Changing it up will just reset everything back to square 1 immediately and is kind of frustrating. And it also makes me regret moaning and then makes me feel the need to supress natural sounds from then on.
Edit: So for those saying “you can just say keep doing that”, Youre not understanding the timing of it all. The moan just comes out and he immediately increases movement as a reaction. By the time my Brain kicks in, its too late. Im not going to focus on remembering to supress my natural moaning to instead say “keep doing that”..its unnatural for me and from the girls agreeing, its more natural to moan then to respond by talking for alot of females. If talking during s*x comes out as naturally as moaning does for you, get it girl, i wish i was you. And men, i can just as easily say to you, “when she moans, why dont you just ask “keep doing that?” Before you change anything…
Now, when we are trying again, i then am more aware and focus on not moaning and give the instruction first…but it always feels less natural. My body likes to moan from pleasure. Its just advice if you wanna surprise deliver ultimate pleasure and exceeed our expectations. Look at the girls responding. I know im not alone.
Image source: poo_smudge, freepik
So, there you have it. A tiny peek behind the velvet rope of the female experience. It is a beautiful, sometimes very gross, and always highly complex world. It’s a place of secret wardrobes, emergency tweezers, and bathroom meetings that could probably solve most geopolitical conflicts.
We’ve spilled some of our secrets today, but please understand, this is just the tip of the iceberg. This is level-one security clearance. The truths about what’s really in our giant purses, the full story behind “I’m fine,” and the ancient, sacred power of a good pair of shapewear? Those are level-five secrets, and you, my friend, do not have the clearance for that. For now, we’ll keep the rest of our magic to ourselves.
Which fact most surprised you about the female coven? And if you have more questions, drop them in the comments!
#16
If we’re on a date and my hair is tied up it’s probably because I was too lazy to wash my hair and wasn’t that interested in the first place. However if we’re in bed together and getting hot and heavy and I tie my hair up don’t f*****g complain, I’m about to give you the best BJ ever and I don’t want my d**n hair getting in the way.
Image source: anon, aghavni001
#17
We are often secreting vaginal cleaning fluids. Sometimes guys are surprised when we’re wet with no foreplay, without realizing that it’s got nothing to do with how turned on we are and everything to do with our vag cleaning itself. These same guys automatically assume that we don’t need any foreplay because we’re already wet. Side note on these cleaning fluids: sometimes they’re acidic enough to bleach panties. That’s a normal occurrence and nothing to be concerned about.
Edit: guys there isn’t literal bleach in women’s vaginas, I was using it as a verb. The sun bleaches things but isn’t by definition bleach.
Image source: user_without_a_soul, user17007025
#18
Girls have the ultimate poker faces. We are able to keep straight faces when a clot oozes out or a sneeze hits and turns things into Texas Chainsaw M******e down below.
Image source: sevenpoints, user21155762
#19
Lots of women don’t primarily take anticonception pills because they have s*x and don’t want to get pregnant, but for various health reasons, e.g. severe acne, passing out from blood loss during period, etc.
Image source: Island-of-Cats, stefamerpik
#20
I play with my b***s when i’m by myself…like a stress ball when i have a tough problem to crack at work.
Image source: HotLeafJuice1, pixel-shot.com
#21
I shave my face. No it’s not super hairy – more a fine, downy patch on my cheeks. It doesn’t grow back darker or thicker. Its way easier, cheaper, and more convenient than waxing.
Image source: Thisisthe_place, volodymyr-t
#22
Most guys don’t seem to get that once the actual bleeding is over during a period the cleaning fluid is still coming out at dark brown for a few days, making it still worthy of a pad or liner. I call this the “After Party.”.
Image source: theveterannerd, stefamerpik
#23
It’s f*****g expensive.
Pads, tampons, hygiene products all add up quickly. Not to mention makeup (which is often expected to look professional or put together).
Image source: treasureburied, benzoix
#24
That putting in a tampon and having to pee in 30 minutes s***s. Ripping out a dry tampon is one of the worst feelings, so you pee anyways and try to avoid peeing on the string. Facts.
Image source: anon, thanyakij-12
#25
Lots of women (myself included) get really scared when guys raise their voice, even if we’ve never had a man be violent with us.
Image source: lanaraelyn, alexkoral
#26
Our hair is wrapped up IN the towel turban after showers.
Image source: basszameg, rivertime
#27
My friends and I in college would always use the restroom as sort of a half-time throughout the night
“How are you feeling? Do you think you’re too drunk? Are you cool with that guy dancing on you? Are we leaving separately or together?”
That sort of stuff was always asked.
Image source: SIRland23, cottonbro studio
#28
I keep just about anything you might need during the day in my purse. Band-aids, pads, snacks, a vibrator, etc. I even found a mini water gun in there a week ago. Purses are f*****g magical.
Edit: I never expected a comment about my Mary Poppins purse getting 300 upvotes. And yes, a lot of girls carry a vibrator in their purse. I thought more guys knew this but apparently not.
Image source: itsnotastatement, senivpetro
#29
A lot of women on their fertile days of the month have a type of vaginal discharge that’s the [consistency of a jellyfish]. You can stretch it between your fingers. It helps to guide s***m from the v****a and into the uterus to hang out until an egg can come down and be fertilised.
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