Don’t you even pretend that you’ve never used a fake excuse to leave work early, end a date, or justify why you haven’t done your homework. And while some perhaps use somewhat believable work excuses for being late, such as being stuck in traffic when you simply wanted to get some extra Zzzs, some reasons can get pretty… ridiculous.
While some funny fake excuses may be believable to some level, sometimes, reasons to skip work get so outlandish that they surprise even the ones who have heard it all, aka the HR department. The most ridiculous, stupid excuses people have come up with just show the power of human imagination. However, the dilemma with funny excuses is that if the reason is legit (because sometimes you really do get drunk by accident), do you say the actual cause or come up with a more plausible explanation? Just some food for thought.
However, this is not it if you are looking for a list of excuses to help you pull off a sickie or bulletproof excuses to get out of work. Below, we’ve compiled a list of funny excuses for missing work that likely were a little too far-fetched and didn’t assure a day off. Have you ever used a fake reason to skip work? Or perhaps you work in HR and hear the lamest excuses to get out of work regularly? Let us know!
#1 New Boss in Charge: Playtime Now
I have a new puppy and I need to play with him.
#2 Guess I’m a landlord now
A random man broke in last night and he’s asleep on my couch.
#3 Plot Twist: Reality Just Bugged Out
I’m pretty high right now. I’m kind of hallucinating.
#4 Mood: Hydrated or Drunk?
I accidentally downed a rum and coke this morning, thinking it was just coke.
#5 Not Your Average Study Buddy
I have issues and Spiderman is coming over to solve them. Can’t go to school.
#6 Well, There Goes My Walk
Someone stole all my shoes.
#7 Wait, So I’m Just Dramatic?
I thought I was sick, but then I realized I wasn’t.
#8 Pet’s orders, not suggestions
My dog asked me to stay home.
#9 Guess Who’s Having A Ruff Day
My dog’s depressed.
#10 Well, that escalated quickly
I fell over in the shower and knocked myself out.
#11 Not Your Average Family Feud
A chicken attacked my mother.
#12 Plot twist: she was right
My psychic told me not to.
#13 Dumpster diving, but make it personal
An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.
#14 Time Travel Health Report
I was really sick tomorrow.
#15 Plot twist: Bathroom edition
I was in the loo and my legs fell asleep. When I stood up, I fell and broke my ankle.
#16 Guess Thieves Come in Fur, Too
A fox stole my car keys while I was asleep.
#17 Not crying, just prepping for goodbye fever
I had a dream that my cat died and now I’m afraid to leave her.
#18 Cold enough to cancel plans?
It’s too cold.
#19 Well, This Escalated Quickly
I accidentally got on a plane.
#20 Plot twist: It’s Not Saturday
I thought it was Saturday today.
#21 Unexpected street-side hero moment
A lady was giving birth on the street and I had to help her.
#22 Speechless but still judging
I can’t speak.
#23 Laundry Day Déjà Vu
I have no clean clothes.
#24 Well, This Escalated Quickly
A cow broke into my house and I’m waiting for the insurance man.
#25 Plot twist: priest’s just here for coffee
We think the house is haunted so we’ve called a priest.
#26 Patience Pays Off (Literally)
I need a few hours to get the alcohol in my blood down to a legal level.
#27 Lost, But Make It A Vibe
I don’t know where I am.
#28 When Helping Cats Goes Wrong
I climbed a tree to help a cat and now I’m stuck.
#29 Well, this is a mood
I’m stuck under the bed.
#30 Well, that escalated quickly
An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
#31 Overachiever Level: Sandwich Rescue
An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.
#32 Wait, Why Was He The Uncle Again?
An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
#33 Mood too good to mess with
An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
#34 When HR says “stay off the grass” but you gotta mow it anyway
An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.
#35 “Plot Twist: Caught in the Crossfire”
An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home.
#36 Plot twist: Turtle’s got an appointment too
An employee has to take his pet turtle to visit the exotic animal clinic.
#37 When Your 9-to-5 Includes Moose Interruptions
An employee was cornered by a moose.
#38 Work From Couch? Nailed It.
An employee was at their office but fell asleep in the parking lot.
#39 Weather report: Plot twist
I thought it was supposed to snow today, so I slept in.
#40 Guess I’m Walking Now
My wife left me and she took my car with her.
#41 Plot twist: It was just my anxiety
I thought I was being followed so I drove to the police station.
#42 Well, That Escalated Quickly
My refrigerator fell on me.
#43 Wait, Where’s the Classroom?
I didn’t find the classroom in the school.
#44 Why does this always happen to me?
I got my fingers stuck in a bowling ball.
#45 Of course not how I planned my week
I broke my little toe.
#46 Instant nap champ energy
I rolled out of bed and knocked myself out so I missed my alarm.
#47 Not the love bite I asked for
My girlfriend bit me in a bad place.
#48 Plot twist: roommate’s a croc
There’s a crocodile in my house.
#49 Guess Who’s Swimming Under the Weather?
My goldfish is ill.
#50 Well, This Is New
There’s a bird in my house – I don’t know what to do.
#51 Guess I’m stuck on hiccup patrol
My cat has hiccups and I can’t leave her.
#52 Guess Who Hit Snooze on Danger Today?
I got bitten by a snake on my way to work.
#53 When Your Car Turns Into a Bee Party
A swarm of bees surrounded my car so I couldn’t get in it.
#54 Pretending I’m Not Ready to Leave
I’m still at the party.
#55 Plot Twist: Not My Birthday Either
It’s my unbirthday!
#56 Well, that escalated quickly
An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham.
#57 When “Work From Home” Gets Literal
An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.
#58 Okay, that’s a new tire excuse
An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires.
#59 Guess That Coworker Was Quacking Mad
An employee said she was bitten by a duck.
#60 When Your Kid’s Mischief Becomes ER Level
An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it.
#61 Garage Sale Hangover, Anyone?
An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
#62 Monday mood: outfit indecision strikes again
An employee couldn’t decide what to wear.
#63 Cake coma: send help
An employee ate too much birthday cake.
#64 When Google Becomes Your Doctor
An employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
#65 I Didn’t Sign Up for This Level of Ouch
An employee put petroleum jelly in their eyes.
#66 Mom’s way of working from home
An employee couldn’t come to work because their mother locked them in a closet.
#67 Sunrise Detour Energy Boost
An employee thought the sunrise was so beautiful that they had to stop and take it in.
#68 Mood: Stuck In The Chat Loop
An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking.
#69 Subtly Tortured by Coffee
An employee’s coffee was too hot and they couldn’t leave until it cooled off.
#70 Well, There Goes My Commute
Somebody stole my car’s wheels.
#71 Well, that escalated quickly
My wife found out I was cheating and threw all my stuff out.
#72 Peak clumsiness, 10/10
I broke my foot after I got up from the toilet.
#73 Lost but not forgotten
Grandma has lost her glasses and she needs me.
#74 That escalated quickly
My girlfriend threw a Wii remote at me and it’s chipped my tooth.
#75 Well, That Escalated Quickly
An employee couldn’t come in because his llama wouldn’t stop barfing.
#76 Plot twist: Blame the psychic
The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.
#77 Mood: Disturbed but still employed
An employee was feeling too upset after watching “The Hunger Games.”
#78 Plot twist: Morning sickness isn’t just for moms
A male employee claimed he had morning sickness.
#79 Stop, did that just float by?
I saw a UFO and I had to stop and observe it.
#80 Plot Twist: Pet Store Detour
I was out of cat food so I had to go to the pet store first.
#81 Guess Who Skipped Breakfast Again
My mom didn’t give me breakfast so I waited till lunch time.
#82 Guess Who’s Spoiler Alert
I think I’ll be coughing today.
#83 Why am I the snack?
I got bitten by a mosquito.
#84 Trust me, you don’t wanna know
It’s a secret. If I tell you, you’ll be in grave danger.
#85 Well, that escalated quickly
My (soon-to-be-ex) wife is burning all of my possessions on the front lawn.
#86 I Can’t Be the Only One This Happened To
An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill.
#87 Plot twist: dentures on the loose
An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.
#88
An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home and had to stay home to deal with it.
#89 Microwaving clothes: hazard unlocked
An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
#90 Well, that took a dark turn
An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
#91 Wait, I Thought I Was Just Visiting
An employee forgot he had been hired for the job.
#92 Well, that’s one way to stay put
The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of.
#93 Chasing Beavers: What Could Go Wrong?
An employee hurt his back chasing a beaver.
#94 When your lashes have their own agenda
An employee’s fake eyelashes were stuck together.
#95 Plot Twist: Wrong Job, Right Address
An employee accidentally drove to their former employer’s location even though they haven’t worked there for five years.
#96 Well, this is a new level of stuck
The bus broke down and the driver wouldn’t let me off.
#97 School’s Out, Sweat In
It’s too hot today. Schools remain shut during hot summer days.
#98 Guess I’m calling in sick forever
Jack Duckworth died in Corrie last night and I’m in no fit state to face work.
#99 When Moisturizer Becomes a Gas Station Hazard
I went to get petrol but I couldn’t get the cap off because my hands are too moisturized, so I had to call my boyfriend to come and do it for me.
#100 Wait, did someone just spike my vibe?
I think I’ve been spiked.
#101 The Ultimate “Not My Fault” Card
I can’t because of Brexit.
#102 Adulting’s biggest plot twist
My kid’s pulling a sickie – why can’t I?
#103 Begging for a Monday miracle, confirmed
An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
#104 When Your Hair Becomes a Bat Cave
An employee said bats got in her hair.
#105 Nailed the effort, not the flavor
An employee said the meal he cooked for a department potluck didn’t turn out well.
#106 Office chef energy activated
An employee had just put a casserole in the oven.
#107 Commitment level: expert
An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before.
#108 Legal Holiday? Nice Try
An employee though Flag Day was a legal holiday.
#109 Kids: The Original Time Hackers
An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.
#110 Waiting on pizza like it’s a final exam
An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.
#111 Still Waiting, Definitely Chilling
I was waiting for an engineer to come round and service my boiler.
#112 Guess My Uber Crawl
I ordered a taxi but it arrived over 20 minutes late.
#113 When Free Coffee Means Free Patience Test
There was a free giveaway at Costa Coffee but the line was really long.
#114 Well, That Escalated Quickly
I poked myself in the eye with a hairbrush.
#115 Procrastination Level: Expert
The teacher gave enough homework for the whole week. I’ll go next week now.
#116 Guess I’m talking through a tunnel today
I have a blocked nose.
#117 Well, that went sideways fast
My football team lost last night.
#118 Guess My Tongue’s New Accessory
I have a peg stuck on my tongue.
#119 Guess who paid for last night’s snacks?
Something at that party last night must have set my tummy off.
#120 Guess I’m Famous Now
There’s a “hit” out on me.
#121 Work meeting or Euro cup final?
An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
#122 Oops, Mom’s Cooking Wins Again
An employee said his mother made his favorite dish and he ate too much.
#123 “Blame It on the Breeze”
An employee said the wind blew the deck off their house.
#124 Can’t Say No to Cheese
An employee was offered a grilled cheese sandwich and couldn’t say no.
#125 Plot twist: Astrology beats GPS
An employee was an hour late because an astrologer warned them of a car accident on a major highway, so they took all backroads.
#126 Classic “dog ate my homework” energy
An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.
#127 Procrastination Level: Expert
I cleaned the house so I didn’t have to do it after work.
#128 When Baking Runs Wild
My convertible is full of flour.
#129 Brain’s way of saying no thanks
I’m dizzy. I dreamt I was on that roller coaster again.
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