If we were to single out one thing for which we, people, should be praised, it would be befriending dogs. It has been many centuries since dogs became our best friends and helpers, and we still can’t believe our luck. So to express our gratitude and love for them, we often come up with heartfelt, witty, and funny dog quotes, as well as dog jokes and dog puns.
Some of the quotes about dogs are there just for fun, while others give us a lot to think about. The more we read about dogs, the more we grow to admire their loyalty and incredible intelligence, so naturally, it shows in the things we have to say about them.
#1
“I don’t care who dies in the movie, as long as the dog lives.”
#2
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
#3
“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” — Samuel Butler
#4
“If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.”
#5
“Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.”
#6
“Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take… I’ll be watching you.”
#7
“What I like most about people is their dogs.”
#8
“Without my dog, my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty.”
#9
“If our dog doesn’t like you, we probably won’t either.”
#10
“The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them.” ― Stanley Coren
#11
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” — Kristan Higgins
#12
“If the kindest souls were rewarded with the longest lives, dogs would outlive us all.”
#13
“If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.” — Woodrow Wilson
#14
“If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.”
#15
“Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.”
#16
“If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers
#17
“No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.” — Louis Sabin
#18
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
#19
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” — Phil Pastoret
#20
“It’s OK if you don’t like my dog, not everyone has good taste.”
#21
“The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.” — M. K. Clinton
#22
“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” — Anne Tyler
#23
“You can trust your dog to guard your house, but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.” ― Lani Lynn Vale, Another One Bites the Dust
#24
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.” — Charles Yu
#25
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” — Franklin Jones
#26
“Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” —Kinky Friedman
#27
“Dogs lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” ― Agnes Sligh Turnbull
#28
“My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.” ― Paul Dunn
#29
“A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” — Helen Thomson
#30
“The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.”
#31
“When I die my dog gets everything.”
#32
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” — Rita Rudner
#33
“Dogs over dudes.”
#34
“I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!’” — Jonah Goldberg
#35
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mailman is not to be trusted.” — Sian Ford
#36
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.” — Roger Caras
#37
“Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.” — Orhan Pamuk
#38
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.” — Max Eastman
#39
“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.” ― Mark Twain
#40
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” — Marilyn Monroe
#41
“Life without a dog is like an unsharpened pencil. It has no point.”
#42
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” — Corey Ford
#43
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.” — Orlando Aloysius Battista
#44
“Home is where the dog runs to greet you.”
#45
“Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one.” ― Robert Benchley
#46
“We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.” ― Judy H. Wright
#47
“Dogs are my favorite people.” — Richard Dean Anderson
#48
“Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.”
#49
“Choosing a dog may be the only chance you get to pick a relative.”
#50
“Leave me alone – I’m only speaking to dogs today.”
#51
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” — Charles De Gaulle
#52
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” — Franklin P. Jones
#53
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” — Rodney Dangerfield
#54
“The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.”
― Samuel Butler
#55
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” — Dave Barry
#56
“Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” — Steve Bluestone
#57
“A dog is the only thing that can mend a crack in your broken heart.” — Judy Desmond
#58
“If you want the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.”
#59
“I’ve seen a look in dogs eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” — John Steinbeck
#60
“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” — Christopher Morley
#61
“I don’t always bark at night. But when I do, it’s for no reason.”
#62
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”
― Josh Billings
#63
“Animals are such agreeable friends. They ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.” ― George Eliot, Mr Gilfil’s Love Story
#64
“The best therapist has fur and four legs.”
#65
“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.” — Fran Lebowitz
#66
“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” — Bonnie Schacter
#67
“The only person who understands me is my dog.”
#68
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.” — Mitch Hedberg
#69
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” — Sue Murphy
#70
“Why does watching a dog be a dog fill one with happiness?” — Jonathan Safran Foer
#71
“Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate in their object relations.” ― Sigmund Freud
#72
“If I had a pound for every time my dog made me smile… I’d be a Millionaire.” — Steph Harris
#73
“Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell.” ― Emily Dickinson
#74
“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” — Greg Curtis
#75
“If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?”
#76
“No home decor is complete without dog hair.”
#77
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.” — John Grogan
#78
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well, almost.” — Charlotte Gray
#79
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” — John Grogan
#80
“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” — Dereke Bruce
#81
“A boy can learn a lot from a dog — obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” — Robert Benchley
#82
“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.”
#83
“A dog can snap you out of any kind of bad mood that you’re in faster than you can think of.” — Jill Abramson
#84
“Dogs are our link to paradise.” — Milan Kundera
#85
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.” — John Peer
#86
“My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” — Elayne Boosler
#87
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother and they will settle for a puppy every time.”
#88
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.” — Terry Pratchett
#89
“Everything I know I learned from dogs.” — Nora Roberts
#90
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!” — George Carlin
#91
“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” — Edward Hoagland
#92
“In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag.” — W. H. Auden
#93
“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” — Joe Weinstein
#94
“I am one dog short of crazy.”
#95
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” — Ann Landers
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