Let’s be real, a lot of LGBTQIA folks stay in the closet because coming out has the potential to wreck their lives. A lot of families get torn apart because they either don’t want to know the truth or they refuse to accept that a family member isn’t straight, and therefore, is not “normal.”
One guy, who was outed 11 years ago, got kicked out by his family and left with pretty much nowhere to go. When one of his friends took him in, their friendship turned into a rocky romance, but nothing could have prepared him for the shocking revelation that would surface years later.
More info: Reddit
Even in today’s supposedly enlightened world, LGBTQIA folks still have it pretty hard
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One gay guy’s world was flipped upside down 11 years ago when he was anonymously outed to his family at 19, incriminating photos and all
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His family kicked him out, but one of his friends gave him a place to stay and helped him get back on his feet
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Their friendship turned into a romance, but one night they had a drunken fight, and the guy’s partner let slip that he was the one who had outed him all those years ago
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Angry and hurt that he’d been robbed of the chance to come out on his own terms, the guy turned to an online community to share his story of epic betrayal
When the original poster (OP) was outed as gay at just 19, his world collapsed overnight. His conservative family disowned him after photos surfaced of him drunkenly kissing other men at a pool party. OP never found out who exposed him, but the fallout was devastating.
A close friend took him in and helped him rebuild. Over time, that friendship turned into a complicated, on-again-off-again romance. Despite the emotional chaos, OP always saw this man as his savior, the person who’d rescued him when everyone else had turned their backs. But that illusion shattered into a million pieces one drunken night.
After finding out his estranged brother had passed away, grief poured out during an emotional argument. That’s when his ex dropped a horrifying truth: he was the one who had outed him all those years ago.
OP was stunned. The person he once viewed as his protector had secretly destroyed his life. Now, he’s reeling, realizing the betrayal runs deeper than he ever imagined. Angry and hurting, he turned to an online community to get the whole mess off his chest, and netizens were horrified, with one calling it “sick and kinda psychotic.”
Can you even imagine having your entire world flipped upside down, not just once, but twice? Let’s just agree that OP’s story is the stuff nightmares are made of. But what are the realities of outing someone? And just how should OP begin to deal with the epic betrayal? We went digging for answers.
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Kristen Fischer over at WebMD breaks it down: whether outing someone happens on purpose or by accident, it’s a massive violation of privacy. It also takes away the power of those who are LGBTQIA to come out on their own timeline. If you’ve been outed, the fallout can hit your physical health, mental well-being, and even your financial stability.
People in the LGBTQIA community already face higher risks of mental health struggles, partly because of the discrimination they deal with daily. The invasion of privacy from outing can spiral into unhealthy behaviors or issues like anxiety and depression. Not great news for OP.
Now, when it comes to coping with the massive betrayal, Crystal Raypole from Healthline writes that any betrayal can cause emotional distress. But you might experience betrayal trauma when someone you depend on to respect your needs and safeguard your well-being violates your trust.
The experts at VeryWellMind suggest a few strategies for coping, like acknowledging what happened rather than pretending it didn’t, actually sitting with those uncomfortable feelings instead of pushing them away, giving yourself permission to grieve the loss, and practicing some serious self-compassion along the way.
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Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Tirrell De Gannes of the Thriving Center of Psychology to get his take on OP’s situation. We asked him how OP could go about having his shattered trust repaired. Here’s what he had to say, “I don’t think re-building trust is a reasonable consideration for the OP, at least not at this point. The OP was betrayed in such a personal way and at a critical point in his life. The lie by omission for 11 years is also a strong indicator that the friend knows they did something wrong,”
De Gannes adds, “If it is ever the choice of the OP to want to build trust again, it would be nearly impossible since there is nothing that can be done about the outing to his family, the method it was done, the years of lying or any of the other concerns with this friend’s behavior. One thing to note is that the friend likely did think he was doing the OP a service but outing him to the family,”
De Gannes concludes that people tend not to realize they are the villains in other people’s stories. “Once he saw the consequences, it became apparent. It is also notable that the friend was at an immature age and likely did not consider the repercussions of his actions prior. The OP will likely benefit from sharing his revelation with other trusted friends and giving himself space to process his emotions.”
Let’s hope OP can eventually learn to trust again, because even with therapy backing him up, he’s got a mountain of stuff to work through. This isn’t exactly something that heals overnight.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Have you been outed, or know someone who’s been through it? Share your story in the comments!
In the comments, readers shared their shock and horror at the original poster’s story and suggested he get therapy to work through his trauma
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