TV and streaming platforms today have more great shows than one can shake a stick at. Still, there’s only a handful we could honestly describe as feisty, intoxicating, and absolutely unforgettable. Among them there’s Fleabag — a British TV show that’s so good it doesn’t just take the cake… it eats it too.
With the brilliant Phoebe Waller-Bridge at the helm, both as the creator and main character, Fleabag has set a new standard for humor and drama, gracing our screens with a devil-may-care approach that has us alternating between belly laughs and sobs. She’s like a baker who knows the exact water-to-flour ratio to make the perfect sourdough, or in this case, dialogues peppered with British humor, biting social commentary, and raw human emotion.
Take the way Fleabag explores the complexities of sisterhood and being a woman, navigating the stormy seas of love and the existential dread of modern life — all while delivering clever punchlines. It’s truly a testament to brilliant writing when even the most devastating lines are delivered with a smirk, a raised eyebrow, or a knowing glance at the camera.
For those of you who are thoroughly afflicted with Fleabag fever, we’ve assembled a list of the best Fleabag lines, authentic pearls of wisdom and absurdity the cast has served up over two delightful seasons! So there you have it — a collection of Fleabag quotes, in which we tip our bowler hats to the sharp wit of a British TV show that has absolutely no business being this memorable. Witty, heart-wrenching, and at times painfully honest, these quotes from Fleabag remind us why this series remains a masterclass in scriptwriting and a shining example of how to make a show… and a darn good one at that.
#1
“I don’t think you have to be alone to be lonely.” — Fleabag
#2
“Celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships.” — The Priest
#3
“Don’t make me an optimist. You will ruin my life.” — Fleabag
#4
“People are all we’ve got. So grab the night by its nipples and go flirt with someone.” — Belinda
#5
“That’s the very reason why they put rubbers on the end of pencils… because people make mistakes.” — Boo
#6
“Being proper and sweet and nice and pleasing is a f*****g nightmare. It’s exhausting.” — Fleabag
#7
“I think you know how to love better than any of us. That’s why you find it all so painful.” — Dad
#8
“Maybe happiness isn’t what you believe, but who you believe.” — Fleabag
#9
“You already know what you’re going to do. Everybody does.” — The Counsellor
#10
“I don’t believe you can pray your problems away. I think you have to face who you are and suffer the consequences. It’s the only road to happiness.” — Claire
#11
Fleabag: “Do you think I should become a Catholic?”
The Priest: “No, don’t do that. I like that you believe in a meaningless existence.”
#12
“I Sometimes worry that I wouldn’t be such a feminist if I had bigger t**s.” — Fleabag
#13
“So it turns out it’s quite hard to come up with something original to say about love, but I’ve had a go. Love is awful. It’s painful. Frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, and distance yourself from the other people in your life. Makes you selfish, makes you creepy, and makes you obsessed with your hair. Makes you cruel. Makes you say and do things you never thought you would do. It’s all any of us want and it’s hell when we get there. So it’s no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.” — The Priest
#14
“I spent most of my adult life using s*x to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart.” — Fleabag
#15
“Positive energy takes work. In the last six months, I’ve excelled. I take all the negative emotions and just bottle them and bury them and they never come out. I’ve basically never been better.” — Claire
#16
“I’ll always love you but I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t hate you; I’m scared for you.” — Harry
#17
“Chic means boring. Don’t tell the French.” — Fleabag
#18
“I ate a sausage over there, thinking it was a prune. 15 years of vegetarianism, are gone. Like bang, bang.” — Claire
#19
“I’m not a bad guy. I just have a bad personality.” — Martin
#20
“I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, and who to love, and how to tell them. I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I’ve been getting it wrong.” — Fleabag
#21
“Don’t make me hate you. Loving you is painful enough.” — Harry
#22
“Here’s to peace. And those who get in the way of it.” — The Priest
#23
“There is nothing more exciting than a room full of people.” — Belinda
#24
“The only person I’d run through an airport for is you.” — Claire
#25
“I was taught if we’re born with love, then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, it feeling right. When it feels right, it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is… when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.” – The Priest
#26
“It is not a party until someone flirts with you.” — Belinda
#27
Fleabag: “Priests have s*x, you know. A lot of them actually do. They don’t burst into flames. I Googled it.”
The Priest: “I can’t have s*x with you, because I’ll fall in love with you. And if I fall in love with you, I won’t burst into flames, but my life will be f****d.”
#28
“I have a horrible feeling that I’m a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.” — Fleabag
#29
“As long as I can wear it or eat it, I’m happy.” — Boo
#30
“If it’s any consolation, you look older than you are.” — Fleabag
#31
The Priest: “I can’t be physical with you.”
Fleabag: “We can’t even wrestle?”
#32
“She loves you, she just didn’t get the fun gene.” — Dad
#33
“Why believe in something awful when you can believe in something wonderful?” — The Priest
#34
“Women are born with paint built in. It’s our physical destiny. Period pain. Sore b**bs. Childbirth. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out.” — Belinda
#35
“Hair is everything.” — Fleabag
#36
“Either everyone feels like this just a little bit and they’re not talking about it, or I am completely f*****g alone. Which isn’t f*****g funny.” — Fleabag
#37
“We’re not friends. We are sisters. Get your own friends.” – Claire
#38
“My sister. She’s uptight and beautiful and probably anorexic, but clothes look awesome on her.” — Fleabag
#39
“I just want to cry all the time.” — Fleabag
#40
“Either she’s got her period or some serious sh*t has gone down.” — Fleabag
#41
“Yeah, he’s horrifically hot. You’re gonna puke when you see him.” — Fleabag
#42
“You don’t go through life with teeth like these, and not know when someone’s pretending.” – Bus Rodent
#43
“If you mention the size of my office, I will scream.” — Claire
#44
“Stop checking, alright. Nobody loves you. Help me here.” — Martin
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