Technology has made the modern world smaller. When we can reach the most remote point on the globe in just a couple of hours, when we can meet people from any culture on the street, this actually makes our lives more interesting. But, at the same time, it sometimes makes our lives even more complicated.
The narrator of our story today, the user u/throwaway51525354550, dated a woman of Middle Eastern culture in the US for several years. They were planning to tie the knot… but his fiancée’s attitude toward marriage and family led the man to a difficult, but perhaps right, decision. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
More info: Reddit
It’s quite sad when a person has to choose between love and traditions, but many people do pick traditions first
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post had been dating the woman called Rosa since their senior year at the college, and they were ready to get married
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, one day the man overheard Rosa’s words addressed to her female bestie, that parents and siblings were number one for her, and all the others were just “background”
Image credits: throwaway51525354550
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man then asked his fiancée about this, and she confirmed that in her cultural traditions, family is the first, and the husband will be just one among equals
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man was incredibly hurt by these words, because for him, Rosa was the unanimous number one
Image credits: throwaway51525354550
After some considerations, the man made a painful decision to part ways with his fiancée, not willing to fight for his wife’s love forever
This story happened ten years ago, so we don’t know how it ended for the Original Poster (OP), although he planned to break up with his fiancée. This woman, “Rosa,” had been his girlfriend since their senior year of college, and they planned to get married soon. Rosa’s numerous relatives hailed from the Middle East, and they weren’t unhappy that the author wasn’t an Arab.
And so, one fine evening, when Rosa’s female friend came over to her, our hero overheard his fiancée calmly say that for her, her parents and brothers would always come first, and everyone else was just background, including, apparently, her fiancée.
This caused the author incredible pain. He later asked Rosa directly what she meant when she said those words, which he overheard. Well, she answered, no less honestly, that her family would always come first for her, and that after she and the OP got married, he would come first too. But he would just share that first place with the rest of her close ones.
When, a couple of weeks later, our hero asked Rosa this question again, she repeated her words once more. The woman explained that these are the traditions of her people, and she has no intention of abandoning them. She loves the OP and wants to start a family with him, but he will still be just an equal among the rest of her extended family.
Image credits: jet-po / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The history of the development of Middle Eastern nations truly brings the extended family to the forefront. Family ties here typically occurred horizontally, where blood kinship sometimes meant way more than marriage. Interaction between families in this cultural tradition means the concept of in-laws becomes a central part of the extended family unit, strengthening ties.
Therefore, it’s not surprising that Rose’s relatives, according to the original author, sometimes expressed outright displeasure that he lacked those roots and had no big family behind him. After all, not having a strong, numerous lineage behind you can sometimes be seen as a shortcoming.
“When sons and daughters marry, their spouse and spouse’s family become part of the main family, and that is called a hamula, or great family,” this dedicated article at Family Search explains. This has both pros and cons. On the one hand, family provides a person with constant support. On the other hand, there’s always the risk of being in the minority when making decisions.
This, incidentally, was precisely what the OP feared in an update to his post. The man admitted that, should any conflict arise, his future wife would likely side with her numerous family and not him. And he certainly didn’t want to fight for her love with other people. So, he ultimately decided to part ways with her. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with his decision?
Many cultural traditions from the Middle East put extended family over couples, and some commenters agreed with the man in his decision
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