As kids, we don’t really question things. The way our parents or caregivers run our families, we used to take as a given.
Only after growing up and stepping into the adult world, you may come to a realization that some of the things you’d do as a family when you were little weren’t standard for others.
“What kind of behavior did you think was normal because of your family, then grew up to find out it’s definitely not?” someone wondered on Ask Reddit and the childhood memories started flooding in. Below we wrapped up some of the most interesting and sad responses people shared.
#1
My dad has bipolar disorder and I never knew until I was an adult. That in itself is a full response to this. PSA to any parents with bipolar. Just tell your kids, explain what’s happening, embrace therapy. Do not hide that s**t and pretend it’s normal. It will eff your kids up.
Having your dad get so upset that he screams profanities at you, breaks a door, then gets in the car and disappears for hours, then comes back and won’t talk to anyone for a day, then breaks down crying and then wants to hug everyone and go have a nice dinner like nothing happened… is not normal. And thinking that behavior was because of something I or my siblings did wrong and not because of a disease, really messed us up.
I don’t know how to have a healthy discussion now. This would happen and we would just move on with saying a word about it. No apology from him. My mom just told us to apologize, be on our best behavior, and act like everything was fine.
Image source: rosie684, Andrea Piacquadio
#2
I’ve got a positive one. My mum always threw the best Halloween parties. We had to eat donuts off strings without kicking your lips, throw eggs at each other and attempt to catch them in a net, feed each other blindfolded. Apparently these aren’t normal activities for Halloween parties. Especially the one year we played them on the street with random trick or treaters who came past.
Image source: butterfly_cats, Joel Dinda
#3
The morbid sense of humor. My nana died on my 18th birthday and my dad came into my room and just said “well. Kid. Looks like you’re fresh outta grandparents” (His mom had just died, mind you. she was my last grandparent to die) and years later my aunt tried to remember how old I am by going “okay. Which year did we lose mom again?” And just went “well f**k you too.” While my dad lost it laughing.
And also My aunt on my moms side (my moms sister in law) lost her mom fairly recently and they were having a sale on urns so she bought an urn for her mom and a new one for my grandmother and texts me with a picture saying “gram got a new apartment!”
And people wonder why my sense of humor is so dark and morbid. I got it on both sides of my family!
I learned that others aren’t quite so caviler about death.
Image source: disgruntledhoneybee, cottonbro studio
#4
Having to hide our TV in a cupboard whenever someone from church came over; we weren’t supposed to have one. Turns out we were in a cult.
Image source: Wrong_Substance2361, Zbigniew Bielecki
#5
Being embarressed about the normal bodily functions of a female, such as periods, having boobs and sex. My mother was a prude on another level.
Image source: jibbajabbajoo
#6
Your parents hating each other. I only realised this was not normal after witnessing my first boyfriends parents interacting with each other kindly and respectful.
Image source: No_Scale7584, Alex Green
#7
Literally, most of my autism symptoms, lmao. I was diagnosed last year. Turns out my parents had no idea because they’re autistic themselves and just thought my behaviour was normal because they all acted the same way.
Image source: Heavenlyashell
#8
I thought the people closest to you were the ones who were meanest to you because they saw the real you (and the real you was bad). I also thought anger was only expressed as horrible blowout arguments, insults, name calling, and physical aggression. Such sad things to learn and very difficult to unlearn.
Image source: Designer-Sky, RODNAE Productions
#9
My family on my dad’s side all drink beer, and it was very common on long road trips for my dad and uncles to buy a six pack “for the road” and just drink it while driving.
So of course my siblings would do that too once they were old enough to drink. Well one of them got married, and I witnessed a pretty big argument the first time they tried to do it and their spouse freaked out for something that we all thought of as “normal”
Image source: Limelight_019283, energepic.com
#10
We weren’t allowed to laugh loudly or after 7pm. My parents said if we were laughing, it meant we were getting into trouble.
We also weren’t ever really taught things, just expected to know them and then kind of shunned by my parents even we failed to perform.
Image source: Katinger, Tima Miroshnichenko
#11
Drinking and driving, and underage drinking. My dad used to drive around with a mickey of scotch or beers for sipping all.the.time. and by the time I was 13 he was giving me both beer and booze along with him. It wasn’t until I was an adult and realized my husband wouldn’t even have a drink with dinner and then drive home that it dawned on me. I actually scoffed at him a few times before I f*****g got it. Also – drinking at 13, was an alcoholic by 14 and would sit at the dinner table smoking joints with my dad like it weren’t no Thing. I have a 14 year old and that literally makes me so heart sick thinking of it.
So yeah anyways. That stuff.
Image source: MashedNeeps
#12
Eggs stacked in between my pancakes, with syrup. Went to college and at breakfast all my new friends looked at me and said, what the f**k are you doing? My entire family ate them that way. I always figured evryone did. Ha!
Image source: EddyBuddard, vagueonthehow
#13
When I was a kid I thought that ALL dads worked a lot and rarely saw the kids.
Until I got older and my friends would tell me things like “my dad took me to a baseball game” or “my dad took me camping.”
I was so jealous.
Image source: Overall-Surround-925, Lgh_9
#14
My family has a bell which is rung when they need to summon us all to dinner. I didn’t realise it was that unusual until my friends found out about it. Tbh it’s a pretty good system
Image source: peculiar-pirate, Luís Perdigão
#15
Parents interrogating you about your sex life. Everyone made jokes in movies and school about overprotective dads. I didn’t realize being woken up at 5AM to be screamed at wasn’t normal. Or being told I’m a shame on the family for a tiny hickey wasn’t normal. Or assuming every piece of my actions was related to sex.
I grew up in an Evangelical cult.
Image source: KaRue3, David Garrison
#16
Making a big deal about death. In my family when someone dies, it’s like, “Wow, that sucks, what’s for dinner?”
Image source: OutrageousStrength91, Pavel Danilyuk
#17
When I was young my dad used to make me and my oldest sister( there is three of us) stand on the scale everyday. My middle sister was always very athletic and thin and the pride and joy of what my father pictured for a perfect daughter. Me and my oldest sister where on the heavier side but at 14 and 9 we were not “fat” now looking back. My mother did not know this was going on but I remember she came home when my dad had my sister in the scale criticizing my sister of her weight, my mother flipped out about 6-8 months later my parents were divorced and looking back at these things my dad did and said I think has absolutely affected the type of person I am today especially with my own children. My current real with my dad is a little rocky but we don’t really communicate a whole lot because he’s really done some f**ked up sh*t that I thought everyone’s parents did. Apparently not.
Image source: Alicia_john2017
#18
Having tantrums because someone showed that you were wrong
Feels weird now seeing my 50+ uncle throwing s**t all over the place because I straight up told him I’m not lazy I have to rest a lot because of a serious heart condition that I’m diagnosed with.
Image source: Weak-Sand9779, Liza Summer
#19
Dad playing the piano at 3am because that was his ‘thinking music’. We would all stick our pillows over our heads and try to go back to sleep. I thought it was normal until we got new neighbours who had young kids and after a couple of times asking dad not to play as it was waking up his kids he came over and punched dad’s lights out. Dad just moved the piano to other end of the house and kept playing. He really was a thoughtless arsehole but we all thought it normal.
Image source: Cheezel62
#20
I’m still struggling to describe the way my mom lives the way she does, but the only word I can think of is “tacky”? Unless anyone can think of a better word. For context she grew up in a poor village, but I don’t think it’s commonplace there and maybe it’s because of how her parents raised her.
She is clueless to how things “should” be. Like it’s not normal to use shower curtains as normal curtains in the living room. Or to make a homemade pillow by stuffing it full of old jackets, instead of going out to buy a normal pillow. Or pruning a tree using a butcher knife instead of ACTUAL tree equipment (she exclaimed, “Doesn’t that look nice!”, but to me it just looked like the tree had been demolished by a butcher knife.)
Or when she held my baby brother over the trash can so he could poop in it, except she did this in the living room while my friend was there. My friend didn’t want to come over after that.
Or how we have 1 pair of scissors in the house that we use for EVERYTHING, from cutting food to cutting hair, and she used it to cut a mole from her back instead of going to the doctor. We all still used the scissors afterwards too.
Or how she repurposes stuff in the house to re-gift to other people. Like, it would be okay if she actually put in the effort to make it look nice, but most recently she re-gifted a plate of cookies that a neighbor gave to us, except we ate half already. And twice she gave my brothers supermarket gift cards for their friend’s 12th birthday party.
Everyone in my family, mom included, uses the bathroom with the door wide open, whether it’s pee or poop, though my mom is different in that she doesn’t care if someone walks in to brush their teeth while she’s doing it, and will have conversations with you from the toilet too.
I didn’t know until I was in college that other families don’t share the same bath towel.
And nobody cleans the house except with a broom occasionally. So you can imagine how it looks. My mom hasn’t cleaned her car in 15 years.
She used to be dirt poor in the village, so I guess old habits die hard. I was desensitized to everything since I grew up in it, but even when I was younger I could tell that this was a bit gross.
Image source: JaguarOwn3633, Pavel Neznanov
#21
Emotional and psychological manipulation is not normal. Saying I love you is not weak
Image source: THEBIGREDAPE, Marina Ryazantseva
#22
No privacy. Wasn’t allowed to lock any door, even the bathroom….
Image source: chataround
#23
At least half of what my parents have said I was going to experience in the real world has been proven completely false and/or the complete opposite of reality. Also, it’s not normal to just say yes to literally every option just because “it’s better to have and not need”. Being a people pleaser apparently doesn’t mean you have to set yourself on fire to keep other warm even if they don’t ask you to. It’s apparently not normal to randomly lash out at people who happen to be in the same room just because you’re having a bad day. It’s apparently not normal to live in constant stress about what could’ve happened in a past event. I could go on but I won’t.
Image source: efeaf, Eric Ward
#24
Living so strictly under the rule of “everything you do needs to be working towards your career” no friends, no boyfriends or girlfriends, no days to do nothing and no self expression of any kind.
Image source: Cheep_thehomelessman, energepic.com
#25
I thought all married couples eventually grew to hate each other and fight all the time. Apparently I was wrong.
Image source: mossadspydolphin, RODNAE Productions
#26
Raking the shag carpet with a garden rake to make it fluffy after vacuuming.
Image source: Intergalactic11, DogLab
#27
A complete and utter lack of any and all affection and romance between my parents. Turns out, my mom was cheating on my dad for over a decade.
Image source: HokageBiden, Timur Weber
#28
Grandmother would lead all of us in song at every get-together, like a band. Was 16 before a friend told me it was weird, families don’t do this. It wasn’t religious but it sure looked cultish. Lss; my therapist loves to hear about the weird s**t my grandmother does/says.
Image source: extrapolatethiscurve, Tima Miroshnichenko
#29
Marrying cousins. This is common in Pakistan. My cousin got married to my other cousins. Even my sister got married to one of my cousins. I thought it was normal until I came to the UK and realised how weird it was.
I’m the only one in my family and my other sibling who could potentially marry outside the family. We have girlfriends but we’re too ashamed to tell them that our own sister married her cousin and so did everyone else.
It is strange though, I don’t really have any genetic defects in my family; no one has a disease as a result to inbreeding.
Image source: TheVaginaFanClub, Jeremy Wong
#30
This is gross. We had a large family. Instead of handing out napkins, we used a single dishcloth, and passed it around the dinner table. We weren’t poor. Just uncivilized.
Image source: Comprehensive_Run453, ArtHouse Studio
#31
Looking down on people worse off than us. Like it was their fault. My parents kind of conditioned us to think everyone had the same opportunities, some people just didn’t take theirs.
Image source: hudson2_3
#32
Being so negative and constantly making fun of people, apparently most people dont do tht
Image source: Plagedeg, Liza Summer
#33
This one is gross, but my mom barely never washes her hands. If she goes number one in the toilet for example, she doesn’t wash her hands. Only after number two. She can clean the dogs ears with her finger, wipe them to her trousers and then go toss a salad for the family.
I’ve had to spend years learning to not disgust people, and now I can’t stay at my parents because they disgust me. I love them, but just find them gross.
We’re not a family you’d guess doesn’t wash hands. Lower middle class academics. Nice house.
Image source: gloriousredcurrant, CJ Sorg
#34
Not giving privacy and sarcastically taunting someone in every way possible
Image source: AlianThoughts, Adrian Swancar
#35
Kissing on the lips. Growing up my dad and mom would kiss us on the lips. It wasn’t until I got a little older that my friends started pointing out how weird it was. (To expand, there was never anything sexually inappropriate going on, it was just a peck on the lips)
Image source: Dvonlovesmusic12, Alvaro Reyes
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