Living with memory loss, which often comes with old age, can be confusing and disorienting at times. When someone is struggling to remember a particular memory, their brain fills the gap by creating a false or distorted memory instead, which can lead to lying and made-up accusations.
Redditors think the same thing might have happened in this story, where a couple was confronted by an elderly neighbor during their walk with suspicions of an affair.
Living with memory loss can be confusing and disorienting at times
Image credits: micheile henderson (not the actual photo)
This woman with Alzheimer’s even confessed to having an affair with her neighbor
Image credits: Nathan Anderson (not the actual photo)
Image source: BookkeeperShot5579
Dementia can cause false memories, which can lead to made-up accusations
Image credits: Natalia Blauth (not the actual photo)
It’s estimated that over 55 million people worldwide are living with dementia, varying brain syndromes that affect memory, thinking, and behavior, most commonly found among older people. It’s a devastating diagnosis that many wish to avoid as they grow older. In fact, 92% of Americans would take a medication if it meant that it could slow down the progression of Alzheimer’s, the most common type of dementia.
Even though many people know they could possibly have it in the future and would want to avoid it, they might not be entirely aware of what it truly entails. Just like the woman in the story, some may not know that dementia involves more than just being forgetful. Memory loss is usually also accompanied by many other symptoms, like confabulation.
This technical term refers to the unintentional creation of false and distorted memories. The keyword here is ‘unintentional,’ since people with dementia unknowingly do it because their brain is responsible for filling their memory gaps with false memories. Some psychologists even call confabulation honest lying because those who are lying genuinely believe that they’re telling the truth.
The false memories they have can also lead them to make false accusations against people around them. The most common allegations they make are of theft, someone trying to harm them, infidelity, or other improper behavior. This can be extremely upsetting for the person with memory loss and for those around them.
False accusations from people with dementia shouldn’t be taken personally
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Luckily, experts have some recommendations and guidelines for those who face or might someday have to deal with false accusations from people suffering from memory loss. The first step to responding to made-up allegations is not to take it personally. Then they should calmly validate their concerns, as disagreeing with their reality can be extremely upsetting to them.
“At the beginning of the journey, I didn’t know any better than to tell the truth all the time,” says Jim Mangi, whose 73-year-old wife is now in a memory care center due to Alzheimer’s disease. “I’ve had many times when I needed to confront the question of whether I was going to be a truthful person or a loving person because I could not always be both at the same time,” he shared.
“A person with dementia is in a different world. Their reality is different,” he says. “Nothing we can do or say is going to bring them out of the reality they’re in. In that sense, if she felt her sister was still alive, who am I to tell her that it isn’t true?”
Using logic or trying to convince a person with dementia otherwise is like fighting an uphill battle that benefits no one. Their brain simply can’t process logic as they used to, so it’s best to let them express their ideas and concerns so they can later be distracted from these paranoid thoughts. After reassuring them and letting them know you care, try to switch focus to another activity, like playing a game of cards or asking for help with a house chore.
Tolerance and patience are key when communicating with people who have memory loss. The more people know this, stories like this one could be resolved more calmly, without so much panic.
People were sad to hear about the neighbor’s memory loss
Some even shared similar stories
Image credits: Nathan Anderson (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman came back with an update
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: BookkeeperShot5579
The BORU community was glad to hear that the story ended with peace
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