Chinese characters and Japanese kanji are certainly aesthetically impressive. They’ve got an air of mystery about them. And they seem to imply hidden meanings and profound wisdom. But we all know that the Universe likes irony and has a wicked sense of humor. If you try to get a tattoo in a language you don’t know, you’re practically begging for trouble. And we’ve got the evidence.
We’re featuring a whole bunch of entertaining stories from the r/AskReddit online community about people who know Chinese or Japanese sharing the dumbest things they’ve seen tattooed. Scroll down for the most hilarious exotic tattoo fail stories and definitive proof that: a) you’ve got to do at least some basic research before getting inked; and b) don’t be obnoxious when dealing with your tattoo artist. Otherwise, you might end up with the character for ‘fish’ instead of something badass like ‘poison.’ Or ‘illiterate foreigner’ which (we’re not gonna lie) is so bad it’s good.
Have you ever seen any foreign language ink fails with your own two eyes, dear Pandas? Maybe you’ve got a tattoo that you regret getting? We can’t wait to hear what you have to say, so make sure to drop on by the comment section. Oh, and if you loved this list and haven’t had enough, we’ve got you covered—check out Bored Panda’s earlier article about idiotic kanji tattoos right here.
Bored Panda got in touch with David McKinlay, the owner of the Archangel 1608 Tattoo Studio in Glasgow, for a chat about tattoos in foreign languages. Scroll down for our exclusive interview with him.
#1
I knowingly got Pork Fried Rice tattooed on my bicep.
I get so much free pork fried rice at chinese places now because the employees think its so funny.
Image source: rawkout1337
#2
My boyfriend got tattooed before we met and he meant to get warrior(士) tattooed on him, but the lines are wrong so it really means dirt (土). The bottom line is supposed to be shorter than the top line. His nickname in my family is now doro-chan which is basically a cute way of saying dirt boy.
Image source: Lady_Lina
#3
My wife is Chinese and the best one she has personally seen was “fat dumb American” on a guys leg.
Image source: TollinginPolitics
#4
My buddy has “illiterate foreigner” in traditional Chinese characters. It’s dope.
Image source: paostmo
#5
40+ year old bald white guy with Chinese characters that translated as “I’m a cute little princess” on the length of his forearm.
Had a good laugh the rest of that day.
Image source: Lmaooozedong
#6
I knew a girl at university who had some Chinese characters down her arm.
Came in one hot summer day and I finally saw the whole thing.
It said; Emergency exit. Do not block.
Image source: A_Redheads_Ramblings
#7
Wanted a tattoo in Chinese that said “I am a vegetarian,” got a tattoo that said “I am made of vegetables.”
Image source: middleagethreat
#8
I probably shouldn’t be saying this as the person who had this done to them is my best friend but…sh!t…here we go again…
My best friend who we’ll call Sarah got a tattoo when she was 16 (where I live, you’re supposed to be 18) her dad passed away about 3 years ago and she wanted to get a tattoo on her wrist to remember him…instead of getting his name which would’ve been easier…she decided she wanted to get “dad” in Japanese…it’s been 2 years since then and I still haven’t told her that it says “turtle” I know that she’ll hate herself if she finds out and to be 100% honest…I kinda like it…I was actually thinking of getting it on my wrist too…my dad passed away when I was only 11 so she’d think I got a tattoo saying dad as well but I’d actually just be getting a pretty hilarious tattoo that I kinda love…
I just want to add…if I suddenly go missing…blame it on my best friend😂
Edit: Grammar
Image source: Lil-D**k-Energy
#9
I saw this guy with Japanese characters that translated to “Beep Beep Lettuce”
Image source: noobcabinet1
#10
In high school a lot of people would ask me to write on them in Chinese in pen, I’d always write “我不说中文” which means “I don’t speak Chinese”
Image source: Eleven_Shelves
#11
Worked in Japan for a few years, and shortly after moving back to the US, I spotted a fellow working in a comics shop with a tattoo of a kanji. I recognized it right away, but I asked him what it meant just in case I was horribly wrong. He said it was Chinese, that there wasn’t a direct English translation, and it was about inner strength and determination.
My dude, 苺 means “strawberry.”
Image source: EverydayA
#12
I dont speak Chinese but back in college I knew a guy who was one of those douchey guys who likes to brag about how cultured they are and stuff when really they’re just an a*****e. He came back from China with some characters tattooed on him.
My friend next to me (who had real bad social anxiety so would never speak in public to non-friends normally) burst out laughing.
Douche-guy got kinda annoyed and said “It says Strength, Wisdom, Passion” or some other weird bs like that.
My friend then reached into his bag, pulled out his phone, opened up one of those AR translators, pointed it at the guy’s tattoo, and through the magic of AR, revealed it actually said “chicken with noodles”.
My friend then said that one of his mates in China told him that a lot of Asian tattooists will often deliberately f**k up tattoos and stuff because they get really annoyed at those douchey people coming over asking for random words to be tattooed onto them.
Image source: aragonaut
#13
Bunch of the guys who invented YouTube came to Japan way back in the early days (2005 or 2006) and I took them out to dinner. One of them asked me if I could read his Japanese tattoo and I had to apologize for not being able to read Klingon.
Image source: anon
#14
I once saw this middle aged dude wearing “金魚佬” on his shoulder (the rough literary translation is “Goldfish Man”), which in cantonese means a sleazy older man who creeps on younger girls/children. Basically a pedo. Wonder under what circumstances he got that inked…
Image source: Olokojamkong
#15
Oooh I love this one! I was once having sex with a guy, about to go down on him when I noticed he had a Chinese tattoo on his inner hip, 凉。I stopped mid-sex, “What do you think your tattoo says.”
“Oh its supposed to mean cool, I know it isn’t right though…”
It actually meant cold to the touch, or disappointing.
Fittingly, the sex was quite disappointing.
Image source: Doobledorf
#16
I once had a roommate placed with me in the apartment our company ran for us here in Japan. He was loud, obnoxious, and I generally didn’t get on well with him. But, you try to get along, so we’d go to the izakaya up the street from time to time with other friends to drink and have a good time. The owners were this wonderful old Japanese couple who loved having all these weird gaijin come and entertain the locals.
Anyway, somehow we get talking about tattoos and the roommate is showing his off. He then says that he got the kanji for “friendship” (友) and “peace” (和) tattooed on his back and lifts his shirt to show everyone. There’s a bit of silence, broken by someone asking, “Who’s Tomokazu?”
What Roommate didn’t know, of course, was that those two kanji in that order was a man’s name.
He reacted well, though, taking a beat and then announcing, “*I’M* TOMOKAZU!” which became a running joke while he was there.
Image source: MShades
#17
Gets a tattoo in google translate Japanese thinking it says “fear no one” but it really means “I fear everyone”
Image source: Krusty_Krab_Pizza_
#18
I met a guy in the air port when I came back from living in Tokyo for 2 years who had just visited Japan. He had 2 symbols on his shoulder I noticed that were “off”. I stopped him and asked him what his tattoo said. He said ” It means strong will bro.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him….. his two symbols he picked in order were “dog poop”.
If you find this online…. im truly sorry bro. Ha ha.
Image source: anon
#19
Not someone I know, but my uncle told me a story about a guy that was a crystal palace fan who thought he was getting “eagles for life” tattooed on him, but the translation in Chinese was more literal and translated to “I give birth to eagles”
Image source: ThePeeball
#20
My friend thought he had “Warrior” on his arm, but it turned out to be “Calendar”
Image source: Matt8992
#21
I knew a guy who thought he was getting Honor while in the Navy. He was preparing to transfer out to Japan and wanted something to draw Japanese females’ attention. Turns out that one of the guys at the shop had a 17 year old sister he had played for sex, so they gave him the symbol for Yaoi.
Edit for those not in the know: Yaoi means gay.
Image source: Lo-Jakk
#22
A girl I knew thought she was smart and had tattooed pussy destroyer in Japanese onto her arm in kanji.
This is hard to do because English slang doesn’t really translate well. She was so proud when she put it into google translate that it said cat destroyer. She picked the kanji for a destroyer class battleship not a person who destroys …
Me and my SO having lovingly named her cat battleship.
Image source: baffledtruffle
#23
My friend got a tattoo that said “veni vidi vici” in chinese, well so he thought. The tattoo acutally said “three small dishes”
Image source: xopokxo
#24
Not sure if it’s already mentioned. I’ve seen a woman has the character “雞” tattooed on her arm. It’s translated to chicken, literally. But in Cantonese we often refer to prostitutes as “chicken”…
Image source: owlish-cat
#25
I was on the subway in NYC and there was a guy who clearly lifted a lot. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and on his jacked arms in chinese were the words “牛肉麵” or “Beef noodle soup” for everyone to see. Man looked ready to get the rest of his favorite restaurant’s menu tattooed on his body.
Image source: nyaaaarp
#26
I saw somebody who probably doesnt understand japanese flexing with his japanese tattoo. It is translated to english, surprise surprise, *a giant failure*.
Image source: GMBoxer
#27
He thought it said “Love my grandson”. It translated to something like “I love fat boys”. I think it was a google translate failure of epic proportions
Image source: MisterComrade
#28
Ariane Grande tattooed the words “Barbecue Grill” on her hand.
Image source: StaringAtTheDesktop
#29
“Storm drain” on a guy who wanted “The way of water” like Bruce Lee always talked about.
Image source: tatsukunwork
#30
“tiny chicken” my friend got that thinking it said his name
Image source: anon
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