People have always relied on herbal teas, essential oils, and other home remedies to make their headaches and colds go away quicker. But with the spread of the internet, many think they can attack even their bigger health problems. Why pay a doctor if you can just google your symptoms and watch a YouTube video for a diagnosis?
Well, because dumb practices can harm you more than they can help. To illustrate this point, let’s take a look at a Reddit thread where medical professionals describe the worst attempts of self-treatment they’ve ever seen. We’re talking about individuals who use “sonic emitters” for cancer and pour bleach into their genitals. Continue scrolling to check out their stories.
#1
I had a patient come to the ER complaining of severe pain and swelling “all down there.” On physical examination we noted a really remarkable amount of swelling, and both the internal and external tissues were extremely red and irritated. She was so swollen she couldn’t even pee until we put a catheter in. The physician did a pelvic exam and found blisters on her cervix.
We asked when the symptoms started. She said, “Well it was itching tonight. I thought I had a yeast infection, so I poured a cup of bleach up in there to kill it. But then after a while it kind of started to hurt.” Yeah, I bet it did.
**tl;dr** – Do not pour bleach into your vagina.
Image source: auraseer, Clay Banks
#2
911 dispatch here. Heard the story second hand, but kid had a crazy high fever and wouldn’t stop crying. paramedics get on scene… and mom is squeezing a lemon while rubbing it all over the baby’s forehead because it’s “supposed to keep the fever down”. Mom was completely at a loss as to why the baby wouldn’t stop crying either. it couldn’t possibly be the lemon juice you’ve essentially been squeezing into it’s eyes for the last 20 minutes. no siree.
Image source: jhoudiey, Mikhail Nilov
#3
I worked at an OB/GYN clinic for 7 years. One day a girl called and said she had a broken shot glass up her vagina. Upon asking how it got there, she said she was using it as birth control. Thankfully it worked because no one that stupid should have children.
Image source: bjewer, Crissy Jarvis
#4
As an Emt- Basic student I responded to a man who called 911 complaining of a insect crawling up his ear. Upon arrival we ask what ear the bug crawled into, he says his right ear, but keeps complaining about burning coming from his left ear. We noticed his wife standing next to him holding a bottle of insect spray, upon further questioning we come to find out she sprayed insecticide into his left ear thinking it would “flush” the insect out of his right ear. I had to explain to her that our ear canals are separated by our brain.
Image source: anon, Ben Paulos
#5
Paramedic here. Got called to a house about 11:30 one night for a “girl with finger nail polish in her eyes”. Got there and the scene is a s**t show, people screaming and throwing things around. We immediately notice the mother holding down a younger girl and about to pour something in her eyes.
Nail. Polish. Remover.
Image source: idot08bojangles, pure julia
#6
I’m a triage RN. Had a patient call concerning back pain. I was going about my normal assessment and asked if he had taken anything for the pain, to which he replies “Cobra Venom”.
Turns out, he had read about Cobroxin, a topical treatment for pain made from cobra venom, and decided it would be more effective to simply let a cobra bite him. I have no idea how he got hold of a cobra.
Image source: nursejacqueline, Anil Sharma
#7
Late to the party… Guy comes into the clinic with a boil the size of golf ball on his face. He begins to explain that he had a painful zit, and tried to lance it with a needle and when that failed, he stepped it up to a “micro drill” which he sanitized by wiping on his jeans. The nurse stopped him mid story and asked “So you took a drill to your own FACE, and want to know why it’s sore and swollen?”
I was the patient.
Image source: 3AYATS, Marcus Urbenz
#8
Had a frequent flyer patient who had psoriasis so bad that he literally had huge scales all over his legs. One day he gets admitted and the scales are gone. He tells me he took a brillo pad (steel wool) and scraped them all off. Surprisingly it works with no adverse effects and he’s still scale free a year later.
Image source: illogicalreality, David Hilowitz
#9
We are a needle exchange/harm reduction station at at the clinic I work at. We have IV drug users come in pretty frequently to get their abscesses cleaned out and dressed properly. So one patient comes in wanting to get her abscess cleaned out like many other patients before her. We take her back to a procedure room and get everything ready to start. She has an ace bandage covering up this spot on her arm so of course we are thinking it’s fine because that’s better than just letting it be open to the air. She proceeds take off said bandage and exposes not only HUGE abscess but a FOUR INCH LENGTH OF VEIN sticking out of her arm that is rotting away and drying up. We are like, “uh what’s going on here?” and she says she took it out of her abscess and left it out because it made injecting heroin easier. So basically she ran her own IV with a vein she cut out of her abscess. We then called the ambulance.
tl;dr- Woman came in with abscess, turned out she cut her whole vein out to make an IV for easier heroin injection.
Image source: enGAND, Pavel Danilyuk
#10
I worked overnights in a midwestern ER and I have seen 2 men try to treat their erectile dysfunction on their own.
One man used caulk in his urethra and then it dried and cracked like pencil lead and only the 1/4 inch at the tip came out, he had another 3 inches or so all broken into pieces that required surgery to get out.
The other man used a clipped off piece of coat-hanger to try to keep himself erect during sex and that also had to be surgically removed.
Dudes is weird. Ask for Viagra.
Image source: ladyrainicorns, ephidryn
#11
Animal Attendant for a vet clinic here.
A client came in and had rubber banded their 2 dogs ball sacks as a way of neutering them. VERY VERY VERY BAD. They got the idea from how sheep and goats can be neutered, but there is a HUGE difference between the junk of a sheep and a chihuahua. Both of the dogs had a severe infection and the tissue was completely dead. The treatment for this cost wayyyy more than the neuters would’ve been.
DO NOT DO THIS EVER EVER.
Image source: Dumbled, Andres Siimon
#12
An 8 year old tripped on the cord of a deep fryer, spilling hot grease on his shoulder and arm. His grandma slathered him in butter to “cool him off” and “draw the heat out”. When my medic partner and I entered the house and started assessing the boy, I was saddened and hungry at the same time. The poor kid smelled absolutely delicious. No cannibal.
Image source: chrisdrd, Sorin Gheorghita
#13
Med student. A guy came in to the emergency department with two combs and a toothbrush in his butt. He had stuck the toothbrush up there for pleasure, but lost it. He tried to fish it out with a comb, but lost that, and tried again with a second comb, and lost that as well.
The kicker: he was there because he had gotten in a car crash. He wasn’t there to get the stuff out of his butt. He volunteered the information after we asked if there was anything else we needed to know.
Image source: cowperspie, Apothecary 87
#14
Paramedic here:
Responded to a nursing home for diabetic patient, unresponsive.
The nurse didn’t keep up with the insulin and gave a tad bit too much, decreasing the pt’s blood sugar. Ok, this is fixable. I walk in to see another nurse pouring Splenda down this lady’s mouth.
She has snoring restorations and the Splenda is just being inhaled into her lungs. It also isn’t doing s**t for this poor lady because it isn’t f*****g sugar.
After give this lady some D50 (IV sugar water) she came to, but felt like she couldn’t get enough air.
She ended up being treated for a few days for pneumonia.
I swear, some people get their medical licenses from the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.
Love you.
EDIT: I had a few Redditors ask me if the nurse was a Registered Nurse (RN) or Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA). This lady was an LPN. License to Practice Nursing I think. I don’t know. That’s my correction. And I still love you all.
Image source: CMFW
#15
I saw this patient last year. He had a long history of abdominal pain that was quite non-specific, and his previous workups were negative. He was convinced that he had intestinal parasites that caused the pain (which as an aside, he believed that he got them after an “encounter” with a woman he met on the internet).
So despite having seen several physicians and gastroenterologists, and numerous investigations including gastroscopy and colonoscopy, no diagnostic source for the pain was found. But he was undeterred from believing it was intestinal parasites.
So he develops a plan in which he orders surgical instruments and local anesthetic online. Watches YouTube to figure out how to perform a laparotomy (to get into his abdomen). And so after his preparations, he performs a self-surgery using a video camera to watch himself, and manages to get into his abdominal cavity. He had trouble completing his self-surgery and called an ambulance.
Image source: CardiacSnuffBox, Piron Guillaume
#16
I had a patient treating her lung cancer with a “sonic emitter”. Her argument was that sound waves can shatter glass, so lung cancer wouldn’t stand a chance.
Image source: MidwayIceland, Online Marketing
#17
Here is one that my friend who was a EMT told me.
He and his partner got called out for a impailment injury to a child’s eye while running with a pencil. The mother removed the pencil before they arrived. The mother was riding in the back. That’s when the paramedic said to the mother. “Next time something gets impailed, don’t remove it. It’s dangerous!” Without skipping a beat the mom goes “oops, I didn’t know that.” Then she proceeds to quickly and calmly shove the pencil back in. Apparently it was an eventful evening. Edit: corrected the ducking autocorrect on my icrap.
Image source: regal1989
#18
GP here.
The most outrageous thing I’ve heard was from a boy who was something like 20-22 years old. Very poor, illiterate family. The boy had a bad case of tonsilitis and refused to take any meds because all he needed to do was “bite the sun”. Basically at noon he had to look up to the sun, open his mouth as wide as possible and “bite” the sun several times so it would “burn” his tonsils and cure him over the course of a couple weeks. When that wouldn’t work, plan B was to do the same at night but only under a full moon.
**TL;DR:** Bite the sun and cure you tonsilitis.
Image source: Valproic_acid, Amy Chandra
#19
Had an old farmer come in to the ED one day with a severely infected wound on his head. Turned out he had a growth developing on his head for the past few weeks (which turned out to be a tumour). He had been treating it with RoundUp (a potent weed killer) because “that s**t kills everything”…
Image source: Dangerous-Dugong
#20
Probably will be buried at the bottom but here it is. I responded to a 9-1-1 call for a man bleeding. Supposedly the guy had a angiogram (catheter stuck in the artery near your groin to look at the blood vessels near your heart for blockages) earlier that day and was released with the explicit instructions to not mess with the bulky dressing. The old coot decides to “adjust” it, causing it to open, pouring blood out his artery. What does the guy do? He puts duct tape all around his groin. Not just a few pieces, no, all attached to his junk and up and down the leg. It was a noble attempt but did not do much to control the arterial pulsations.
Image source: ParaChizzy, Lucas Dudek
#21
My patient was instilling honey in his eyes to “treat his cataracts and glaucoma” … wat. Yes he came in for conjunctivitis cause bacteria were having a party on his corneas.
Image source: OMGCSME, Benyamin Bohlouli
#22
The parents of one kid canceled the surgery to repair his ACL because people had prayed for him at their church the Sunday beforehand and he had apparently been miraculously cured.
They called and scheduled surgery later in the week.
Image source: asymptomatic, Joseph Pearson
#23
I know a doctor. She told me a story (EDIT: that she heard from another doctor) about how this guy came into the ER, an absolute nervous wreck. He was brushing his teeth for the first time a couple years (he was homeless and couldn’t afford toothbrushes or toothpaste) when he found a maggot in his mouth. This happened frequently over a course of 3 days, and he self-diagnosed himself with oral myiasis.
Now this guy was bats**t afraid of bugs, so he tried to get ’em out via the quickest way possible – ipecac.
He didn’t really think that one through, and ended up vomiting shiploads of maggots before he called 911.
The doc sympathized with him – I’d freak out too, if I barfed up fifty maggots. S**t’s scary.
Image source: The255thAlternate
#24
I used to work in a lab in a hospital in a rural town. I got a stool sample from the ER that was basically a blood clot the size of a golf ball. Sometimes the ER gets mixed up and sends me the wrong specimen, like some kind of body fluid and labeled it as urine, for example. I called the patient’s nurse and asked what the deal was with the patient and if it was really stool they sent up. The nurse I talked to said the patient thought he’d eaten bad pork and to prevent food poisoning, drank a concoction of bleach, rubbing alcohol, vodka, ibuprofen and some Tums.
Image source: SaintAndi, Kelly Sikkema
#25
Patient comes in to the ED with an abscess. Tells us he knew he had an infection and so ate a pound and a half of raw steak to get the antibiotics that were given to the cow.
Image source: ifergbot, Eiliv Aceron
#26
Had a Marine stick a Q-tip up his d**k dipped in hand sanitizer cause he thought he got the clap in Thailand. That’s not what Navy medical does guy.
Image source: PiratePenguin, Greg Rosenke
#27
I’m a nursing student and one of my patients had an earache so he decided to hold his daughter’s bobby pin to a candle for roughly 5 minutes and then shoved it in the ear that hurt. He is now deaf in that ear and was on fall precautions since he couldn’t walk straight. As a bonus, I was able to listen to every episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air that was on that day wherever I was on the floor because the TV was on the loudest volume possible.
Image source: little_runaway, wikimedia.commons
#28
Dentist reporting in:
I had a guy who had tried to pry his own tooth out with a screwdriver. It did not go well.
Image source: mdp300, Steve Johnson
#29
I am an EMT who works in the ER. We once had a patient who spilled hot grease all over his arms after a small fryer accident. This happened to take place at the patient’s In-laws who happened to be Chinese. Apparently there is an old wives tale in china that says to treat burns with a layer of toothpaste and rock salt. Not wanting to offend his In-laws he goes along with this do it yourself treatment. I think I spent about three hours that evening picking rock salt out of 2nd degree burns and then cleaning out all of the, now dried, toothpaste.
Image source: jojo5504, Ron Lach
#30
I have a buddy that is a medic in the United States Navy. One time when he was on leave and in town, us and all of our mutual friends were hanging out, shooting the s**t before a night of typical drunken shenanigans was surely to begin. He then proceeds to tell me multiple stories to which I could not believe. I have forgotten pretty much all of then, except for one…
He proceeded to tell me how a young (late teens early 20’s) woman came in complaining of severe stomach pain. He was expecting to diagnose her with menstrual cramps or something else rudimentary and gave her basic pain meds etc. She came back less than a week later, complaining that the pain had only increased. He decided to send her for an X-ray to get it checked out and he could not believe what the results showed.
It **appeared** like roots of some sort were twisting and turning inside her abdomen, and proceeding to wrap around her spine.
Apparently, as a form of do-it-yourself birth control, this young lady had followed her mothers instructions and cut the end off a potato and stuck it all the way up in her vagina. Well, in a damp, moist environment, it began to thrive, as well as partially rot. I cannot even imagine what her gyno must have said, but this story had me in a cold-sweat, near dry-heaving. Easily tops one of the most disturbing stories I’ve ever heard.
Edit: Emphasis on **appeared**. He did not say it WAS wrapped around her spine, just that’s what it LOOKED like it was about to do.
Image source: KrazyKanadian96, Polina Tankilevitch
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