Last Sunday’s DH was all about defense of all types. And our housewives needed defense from each other, each other’s husbands, and deranged lunatics. So without further adieu, let’s catch up for tonight’s big plane crash!
The Set Up
The death of Emily, the waitress from last week, has all of Fairview in a tizzy and the residents of Wisteria Lane even more unnerved since it has to be the same person who got to Julie. During a get together, the women (plus the neighbor responsible for trashing Angie’s yard) all discuss taking self defense classes. Susan asks if Julie wants in on taking the classes and Julie states that if someone wants to get you then they will; her example being she was only taking out the trash and got attacked doing that.
Julie and Emily – The Common Factor
Susan tries to get Julie to talk to the police about her relationship with Nic Bolen, but Julie doesn’t budge. She defends Nic again saying that he wouldn’t hurt a fly and that it wouldn’t make sense to hurt her then try to get back with her. Julie must have not seen just about every Lifetime movie known to man. Anyway, Susan asks Julie is back in with Nic and Julie says no, but if she was then it wouldn’t be any of Susan’s business. Ouch…
Later, Julie is so nervous about the recent murder that she accepts when Karl switches cars with her so she can go to the library. This little switcheroo brings hilarity later in the show.
Julie runs into Danny, Ana, Parker and Eddie Monster as they talk about Emily’s death in front of the Coffee Shop. If you want to know about my theory on who the Fairview Strangler is then click here. Parker and Eddie Monster leaves and Ana stays behind, but is rebuffed when Danny makes it known that he wants to talk to Julie alone. After Ana leaves, Danny tries to turn Emily’s funeral into a date with Julie, who is not interested. Danny reveals that he knows about Julie and his father and that he is totally cool about it and still wants to hang out. But Julie is not cool with it and doesn’t think that it will happen. Ever. She leaves a crushed Danny licking his wounds.
Poor Danny, but there is more…
Lynette Vs. The Solis’ (well mostly Carlos)
Tom thinks Lynette shouldn’t take Carlos’ disappointment in her lightly, but Lynette heavily doubts that Carlos is too upset and if he is then he will have to calm down eventually. Her doubts are dashed when she arrives at work to a Bon Voyage party that Carlos has put together. Lynette pulls Carlos into her office and demands to know why is he trying to get rid of her. He annoyingly tries to keep everything ‘business friendly’, but beneath his crap eating grin, lies the heart of a snake. Lynette then realizes that Carlos has given her office to the other guy. Lynette asks where is her new office and he shows it to her: a cramped closet with not much as space to spit in. Great job, Carlos! In your attempts to get Lynette to quit and not face a lawsuit, you put Lynette in a cramped space where she is able to fall, miscarry, and sue your ass regardless. Bravo!
Later, Lynette tries to talk to Gaby about the situation, but Gaby says that Lynette couldn’t trust her to talk to Carlos before, but now it is a convenience. Gaby kind of has a point there, but still. Later that night, Gaby feels that they have done enough in torturing Lynette and that they should call it a truce. But Lynette is livid and is thinking about calling a lawyer, Tom is behind her all the way. The next day, Lynette calls the lawyer, who is on his way to deliver the papers to Carlos. She has second doubts, but Tom tells her that Carlos is wrong and that justice needs to be served. But before the lawyer gets to Carlos, Gaby stops by with flowers and a bear to say sorry and congrats on the new twins. Gaby and Lynette hug, but Tom sees that the lawyer has showed up at the Solis’ house. Lynette tries to covertly call the lawyer, but fails and Carlos calls Gaby and lets her know what’s going on. Pissed, Gaby leaves and gives the bear to MJ and flowers to the mailman on the way back to the house. Lynette tries to reconcile with Gaby, but Gaby refuses to talk without her lawyer.
The next day, Carlos comes by Lynette’s closet of an office with Human Resources person. Carlos has a task for her to do and needs completed by the 9AM the next morning. Lynette declares that she can’t get the project done in time and that tonight was Penny’s recital at the annual Christmas pageant. Carlos says that he doesn’t care and that if Lynette wants to keep her job then she should do the task within her job description by the time given. Carlos also tells Lynette to tell Penny that he and Gaby will not be able to make it this year. I smell a set up.
Later that night, Lynette watches her family leave for the pageant and starts to work, but Penny’s disappointment is too much. She ditches the work and goes to the pageant. The next day, Lynette works on the task and Carlos and his HR goon return. Lynette asks for another hour and Carlos says that it’s nine and that the task should have been done earlier, especially if Lynette hadn’t went to the pageant the night before.
Um, excuse me?!?!
The HR/lawyer goon tells Lynette to clean out her office and Lynette tells Carlos he will regret this and she will make a scene. Carlos says he doesn’t care how she goes as long as she goes.
Secrets Of The Bolen Family
Angie freaks when ‘Nic tells her that he was the last person who saw Emily alive. They both feel that the cops will come and run his prints and they will be in deep trouble. ‘Nic suggests that they go back on the run, but Angie isn’t having that. She has some semblance of a normal life now and doesn’t want to give that up unless they really have to. Nic understands, but wonders if their past will catch up and bite them in the ass.
Later, Nic suggests that they give in to whoevere they are running from. Angie balks and then figures out that Nic called “them” up. He assures her that he used an untraceable phone number, but Angie reminds him that they know that they are alive. Nic thinks that feds could make a deal, but Angie doesn’t think so. She killed a man and they won’t stop until they find her and put her six feet under. Damn, is the Federal Marshall that was after Kate Austen on LOST after Angie Bolen?!?!
Anyway, Danny comes home and sees and hears everything. He tears up and heads upstairs. Not good people. Not good at all. And I am proven right when Angie later finds Danny unresponsive on his bed and an empty pill bottle.
While Danny is unconscious in the hospital, the nurse (who just happens to be the same woman who trashed Angie’s yard. Irony!) tells Angie that they have to hold Danny because of his suicide attempt. After the nurse leaves, we get backstory on the Bolens, but it’s cryptic backstory. It seems that Angie is really he person on the run and Nic really didn’t have to come with her, but did and that he feels as if he has caused her more trouble than trying to help her. They mention that others were involved in the event and now there isn’t anyone left. The incident took place on Nov. 10, 1991 and I am a little bit more intrigued as to what the hell happened, how did it end with Angie on the run ,and left that scar on her back.
Later, Danny wakes up and the nurse asks him if he needs anything and calls him by his first name, but “Danny” insists that his name is Tyler. Whoa…. Now what is Angie’s real name?!
Susan’s Sloppy Seconds and The Bree Who Loves Him
In a desperate attempt to free herself from Orson, Bree implements Karl’s plan of having Orson seen with another convicted felon. The felon Bree finds is an old prison buddy of Orson’s named Lamar Alexander, who says that Orson was called “Flossy” in prison due to him wanting people to floss daily. Bree skips the chit chat and gets down to business and tells Lamar that Orson misses his old prison buddies in a sense and frequently mentions Lamar. Bree wants him to go visit Orson to cheer him up. Lamar isn’t sure about his because he is not supposed to be seen talking to a fellow ex-con. Bree pays Lamar generously and says he will get the second half after the visit. Lamar agrees but swear Bree to secrecy. Bree “promises”. Damn shame.
Remember when I said that Karl and Julie’s car switch would end in hilarity? Well it involves Susan, so clumsiness is a given.
Susan drives by a hotel and sees Julie’s car, thinking it is Julie shacking up with Nic. Susan immediately picks up the phone and calls Julie, who is actually at the library reading. Susan thinks Julie is lying, but Julie doesn’t have time for Susan’s shenanigans and hangs up. Susan takes matters into her own hand. When she goes and asks the maid if she saw the woman who owns that car, the maid points her to the right room. There is a funny exchange when Susan says that the woman in the room with the man is her daughter and the maid balks. HA!
But Susan doesn’t get to have a “hee-hee” moment when she spots Bree and Karl about to go at it like a groupie and a rock star in heat. She is shocked and runs away.
Later at the self defense class, Bree arrives late and says that she had to plan for three parties. Susan smugly says that she is surprised that Bree can juggle her “affairs”. HA! Meanwhile, Mrs. McCluskey flips Gaby on her ass as they partnered up in a defense exercise. Bree and Susan partners up and the truth comes out. After the two women nearly kill each other trying to do their defense exercises and argue at the same time, Bree gives up and leaves because Susan is clearly delusional. To an extent.
Susan later decides to take a more logical approach and talk to Bree and Karl together. She calls them both over and asks Bree if she is sure that she knows the real Karl. Bree says she knows that she loves him and then Susan brings out “The Karl Facts” and lists major letdowns Karl had done to her during their marriage. These incidents include forgetting Susan’s 30th birthday (tame) to wanting a threesome for his 35th birthday (DAMN!). Bree still says she believes Karl’s journey to change and that’s what you do when you love someone. Karl catches on to the word ‘love’ and is happy, but Susan thinks Bree has hit the bottle again. In the end, the two friends reconcile and Karl says he really has found the right woman. Hmmm….
Katherine
Glenn Close, meet your Fatal Attraction successor: Katherine Mayfair.
Katherine sits on her porch sad as hell and MJ stops by to see what is the matter. She tells him that things are not up to par for her and that it is too adult for him to understand. MJ says OK and walks away, but Katherine has a ‘bright’ idea.
MJ later tells Mike everything Katherine said to him, including how Susan is a bad woman for taking Mike away from her. This is all Mike needs to go put his foot in Katherine’s ass. But that is not what he does unfortunately. Instead he gives Katherine the third degree for dragging his son into her harebrained schemes to win him back. He warns her to never do it again or he will get real nasty.
Does Katherine heed his warning? Naw.
She then takes a page out of Glenn Close’s book of ‘How to Get Back at Men’ by picking up MJ from a birthday party, lying that Mike didn’t have the time to do it himself. When Mike panics and drives straight to Katherine’s house, he finds Katherine and MJ serving a cake with a big ass butcher knife. Katherine acts as if she hasn’t done anything wrong and I write her off as certifiable.
Mike sends MJ home and he confronts Katherine, who says that she had to tell MJ the ‘truth’. Mike tells Katherine that what they had was nothing. NOTHING! Everytime he touched her thought of Susan. When he kissed and caressed her, he thought of Susan. Katherine picks up the knife, holds the blade to her chest with the handle pointing to Mike, asking him to kill her if he is serious. Mike takes the knife and tosses it on the table, before saying that he doesn’t care about her that much to kill her.
DAAAAAMMMMNNNN!!!!!
He leaves and Katherine’s whole psyche shuts down. She calls the police and reports an accident. Then she picks up the knife and stabs herself with it. Oh, and Mike’s prints are all over that damn thing.
Crazy.
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