Last year on Desperate Housewives, Gaby gained a mini-me niece; Lynette and Tom had two more twins on the way; Orson blackmailed Bree into staying married to him, which led to an affair with Karl, Susan’s ex; Mike left Katherine at the terminal to save Susan and MJ from that lunatic Dave. And finally Mike married someone, but who?
And after they make it official, the happy couple walks down the aisle and is blocked by a menacing looking Katherine. Hell has arrived in stiletto heels…
The theme last night was sinners and sin, and there was enough to go around the entire block of Wisteria Lane. But we are shot back eight weeks before the wedding so instead of going by just each housewife, I will break up the storylines by each housewife in a particular week.
Eight Weeks Before The Wedding
Gaby has her hands full with Ana, who is defying her at every turn. Carlos, on the other hand, thinks that Gaby should lighten up with the rules and to sign the papers that would make them Ana’s legal guardians.
Lynette’s in a state of depression as she realizes that she will be 60 years old when the set of twins she is carrying graduates from high school. In other words, she will forever be raising kids and never have an empty nest. Tom only mopes that he has eight more months of Lynette’s mood swings left.
Bree is still in the midst of her torrid, yet laughable, affair with Karl. But Bree declares that if she is to cheat she wants to do it with dignity. Oh, Bree! How I have missed you!
Katherine and Susan
Katherine takes the news of Susan and Mike getting back together like a champ, and give Mike back his engagement ring saying that she doesn’t need one more thing to remind her of him. Mike then runs across the street and tells Susan that Katherine took it fine as if she was taking the high road about the mess. He then tells Susan that everything will be fine once she talks to Katherine herself.
The New Family
There is a new family on Wisteria Lane: Nick (guest star Jeffrey Nordling) and Angie Bolen (Drea de Matteo) and their son, Danny (guest star Beau Mirchoff). Lee (guest star Kevin Rahm) , Edie’s successor in real estate, is trying to sell them Mary Alice’s old place. Angie wants to know what really happened for the place to be so cheap; in other words, she is not for the bull. Bob, after nearly being cornered, reveals Mary Alice’s suicide. The couple declares they will take the house. (Really? Just like that, huh?) Danny, isn’t so happy as he looks out the window. Angie tells Danny after he voices his opinion on the move, that it’s basically his fault that they had to. Then to add more ‘hmmm’to the stirring pot, Danny stares intently at Julie, who has just arrived home from college.
Six Weeks Before The Wedding
During a tea brunch to introduce Angie to the group, Katherine stops by and the tension is thick. But Katherine looks like she is slowly going batty as her blouse is not buttoned right.
Lynette gave some poor girl the third degree on the ‘wonders’of parent hood. After Karl takes her to a sleazy hotel, Bree throws a hissy fit about the drapery and bedding and makes Karl go fabric shopping. But Karl thinks that Bree simply doesn’t want the affair to happen at all and leaves.
A delivery man asks Katherine to sign for Susan’s dress (who does that?!?!), Katherine hastily signs for the dress and slams the door. Susan arrives home and sees the delivery ticket and freaks. When Susan gets to Katherine’s, the woman has on Susan’s wedding dress. Veil and all… Who. DOES THAT?!?!?!? Then to add insult to injury, Katherine is making sauce in the wedding dress. After a good bit of crazy, Susan finally demands Katherine out her dress.
As Gaby takes Mrs. McClusky to the store, we find out that she has a new beau in her life. Gaby spares us the details of Mrs. McClusky’s habits with said suitor. When she returns home, Gaby is met with Ana washing Gaby’s car, obviously wanting something. When it turns out that she wants to go to a nightclub, Gaby throws the foot down and declares no. But Ana sneaks out anyway and Gaby goes to the club and embarrasses her in front of the place before taking her home. When they get there, Gaby tells Ana that she was just like Ana when she was young, but that she should be glad that Gaby is there. Ana throws back that Gaby hasn’t signed those papers yet. Gaby walks into the house and signs the papers and declares that she will be there for Ana like no one was for herself.
Nick interrupts Danny and Julie’s tutoring session by asking Danny to take out the trash. After a little defiance, Danny relentsand this gives Nick a chance of telling Julie thank you for not shooting down Danny. Julie says she likes Danny, but Nick insists that Danny is pretty much beneath Julie in the league department. What father DOES THAT??!?! Later that night, Mrs. McClusky sees Danny going off on Julie and leaving pissed. What was that all about?
Lynette and Tom view the twins in a sonogram, but Lynette isn’t happy and reveals to Tom that she doesn’t care for or love the twins she’s caring. OMG!!!! REALLY??!?! WHO SAYS THAT??!?!? Tom declares that once the babies are born that she will love them. Lynette gives a meek, ‘Ok’. Whoa….
At the day of the wedding, Orson tries to get Bree to reconcile, but on his terms. Bree declares that she feels like she is being held captive within her own marriage and she asks him if he ever felt bad for what he did. He says a little guilt for happiness isn’t a bad thing. Whatever that means… The day of the wedding, Bree hooks up with Karl, with more incentive now than ever to cheat.
Susan is prepping in the back and is approached by Katherine who wants an apology from Susan during her wedding, and if Susan doesn’t comply, hell will break loose according to Katherine. But Susan is not going down without a fight and she kicks Katherine into a closet and locks the door. Katherine bursts out, but she has missed the wedding. We pick up where the show started and Katherine is about to blow a gasket, but Mike asks Katherine to leave and if she doesn’t then he will haul her out himself. The pain on Katherine’s face speaks volumes and Susan, being the better woman, apologizes in front of the whole wedding party for causing Katherine so much pain. Katherine hugs Susan, but tells her that the apology wasn’t good enough and walks out. It is WAR!!
Angie and Nick return from the wedding and Angie wonders where Danny is since he left the wedding way before they did. Nick is very nonchalant, but Angie wants Nick to go find him. Then Angie undresses and reveals a big ugly scar that dominates more than half of her back. It looked like a cross between a mauling or a nasty burn. It’s jaw dropping, yall. The show ends with Mary Alice discussing the theme of sin again with the montage of the neighbors doing their things: Katherine seething in anger, Bree humping Karl, Lynette sulking going through her maternity clothes (which I am shocked that she kept), and Julie taking out the recyclables and being choked by some unknown stranger who leaves her for dead.
Welcome back to Wisteria Lane, people…