We aren’t here to divide jokes into categories based on their intellectual qualities, but with this topic, we just couldn’t help ourselves. In fact, putting these whimsies into a category of low-brow makes them even funnier and climactic for those considered to be somewhat connoisseurs of laughs (us included). Do you have an idea what we are talking about here? Oh yes, it’s cheesy jokes – the lame jokes that make you laugh against your own free will, no matter how much you try to keep that sour expression on your face. These silly jokes seem to melt any pucker away and give you a heartfelt belly laugh that’s like heavenly elation. Hence our collection of the best cheesy jokes ever, all in one place, all pret-a-porter for you, dear readers.
But what about the history of this glorious expression? Well, there are a couple of theories, but the first known usage of ‘cheesy’ was noted in 1858 as part of British slang. However, at that time, cheesy meant ‘fine.’ Same as cheese, we guess? However, just a couple of decades later, in 1896, U.S. student slang had already turned ‘cheesy’ into something a bit more along the lines of contemporary slang, and for them, cheesy was an ‘ignorant person’ or something ‘cheap and inferior.’ So, I guess they were the first to actually invent ‘ironic reversal,’ a language tool that we just love to overuse these days. Anyhoo, we think these funny, cheesy jokes are a nice continuation in the evolution of the term, and once you read them, you might agree with us, too.
So, ready or not, some cheese-tastically hilarious jokes are coming your way. You know where to find them – just a little bit further down, of course. Once you are there, give the best jokes your vote and share this article with anyone who cannot resist the charms of a bit of cheesiness in their day.
#1
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days.
I said it must be my weekend immune system.
#2
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
“Are you having a cry-sis?”
#3
My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.
#4
My wife told me I have no sense of direction.
I was so mad at her, I packed up my stuff and right.
#5
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
#6
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get “saved” or you’ll “burn”.
Stupid firefighters!
#7
Why are there no unemployed farmers?
They can get a job in any field.
#8
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know Y.
#9
To the person who stole my glasses:
I will find you. I have contacts.
#10
I asked my wife if I’m the only one she’s ever slept with.
“Yes,” she said. “All the other guys were nines or tens.”
#11
Some people say that I’m self-centered.
But enough about them.
#12
What word starts with “e,” ends with “e,” and only has one letter in it?
Envelope.
#13
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
#14
Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
#15
I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I accidentally used my organ donor card instead of my debit card.
Cost me an arm and a leg!
#16
I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like, 0mg.
#17
What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?
1Forrest1.
#18
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
#19
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
#20
Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed?
Because it would blow his cover.
#21
My wife asked me if I thought our kids were spoiled.
I said, “No, I think all kids smell like that.”
#22
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
A barber-queue.
#23
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
#24
Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone.
I threw it in the ocean.
#25
At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good.
But now I stand corrected.
#26
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.
#27
Why is it hard to understand volunteers?
Because they make no cents.
#28
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
#29
What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry after dinner?
He went back four seconds.
#30
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“GRRRAAAIIINNNNS!”
#31
What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc.
#32
Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh.
#33
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it’s a soap opera.
#34
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
But catscan.
#35
My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer.
But he could never pass the bar.
#36
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
#37
Why do teenage girls walk in groups of three, five, and seven?
Because they literally can’t even.
#38
What kind of jokes does a quarantined dad tell?
Inside jokes.
#39
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
#40
Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage?
Because every play has a cast.
#41
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
#42
RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
#43
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
#44
I decided to sell the vacuum cleaner.
It was just gathering dust.
#45
I finally watched that documentary on clocks.
It was about time.
#46
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
#47
What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven.
#48
How do you cure a fear of a speed bump?
You slowly get over it.
#49
I have a scary joke about math, but I’m 2² to say it.
#50
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
#51
Once I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
#52
I got so excited that spring is here.
I accidentally wet my plants.
#53
I have a few jokes about retired people.
None of them work, though.
#54
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
#55
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
He had no body to go with.
#56
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves.
#57
Why couldn’t dracula’s wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
#58
You know what the loudest pet you can get is?
A trumpet.
#59
What do you call a factory that sells good products?
A satis-factory.
#60
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.
#61
What do you call a man that irons clothes?
Iron Man.
#62
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?
He was shellfish.
#63
How do you impress a baker?
Bring him flours.
#64
How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
With a cow-culator.
#65
I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap.
#66
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
#67
How do lawyers say goodbye?
We’ll be suing ya!
#68
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
#69
Where do fruits go on vacation?
Pear-is.
#70
I bought a pen that can write underwater.
It can write other words as well!
#71
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can’t read anything!
#72
The first photograph of a black hole was released.
It sucks.
#73
If alcohol can damage your short term memory…
Imagine the damage alcohol can do!
#74
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life…
Push and Pull.”
#75
If anyone gets a DM from me about canned meat, don’t open it!
It’s SPAM!
#76
My mama always told me, “You are what you eat!” So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I want to become a fun guy.
#77
Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me.
Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.
#78
I once made a belt out of $50 bills.
It was a waist of money.
#79
What smells like feet and tastes like fish?
Shoe-shi.
#80
I once paid $20 to see Prince live in concert.
But I partied like it was $19.99.
#81
How do short people cut their pizza?
With Little Caesar’s.
#82
If I had 50 cents for every math test I failed, I’d have $8.40.
#83
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele.
That way, when someone asks if I play an instrument, I can say, “I play a little guitar.”
#84
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
#85
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
#86
Why did the bike fall over?
It was two tired.
#87
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
#88
Your mom and I let astrology get between us.
It just Taurus apart.
#89
I’m so good at sleeping.
I can even do it with my eyes closed!
#90
Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
#91
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
#92
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him.
That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
#93
My dog is a genius. I asked him, “What’s two minus two?”
He said nothing.
#94
Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta.
And we’re penneless.
#95
Justice is a dish best served cold.
If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
#96
I used to hate facial hair.
But then it grew on me.
#97
Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
#98
I’m reading an anti-gravity book.
I just can’t put it down.
#99
I’d avoid the sushi if I were you.
It’s a little fishy.
#100
I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
#101
I failed my calculus exam, because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins.
I couldn’t differentiate between them.
#102
Every night, I have hard time remembering something.
But then it dawns on me.
#103
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line.
#104
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows.
They’re making headlines.
#105
My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
#106
I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex.
So I can have watch dogs.
#107
Why can’t you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical.
#108
What side of a tree grows the most branches?
The outside.
#109
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
#110
Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero.
#111
Why did the computer get mad at the printer?
Because it didn’t like its toner voice.
#112
Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?
Because they often have to draw blood.
#113
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the utter.
#114
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
#115
Why can’t you ever run through a campsite?
You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
#116
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two.
#117
Why is the cow always smiling?
It’s in a good moo-d, I guess.
#118
Why did the coffee go to the police?
To report a mugging.
#119
I had a joke about canned juice, but I couldn’t concentrate.
#120
My wife turned to me and said, “What starts with F and ends with K?”
I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
#121
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
#122
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a whine.
#123
What do you call a man who is in a tree?
A branch manager.
#124
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
#125
What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
A loose Canon.
#126
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
#127
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
#128
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They crack up too easily.
#129
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
#130
What do you call banana peel shoes?
Slippers.
#131
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on Earth?
It’s pasteurized before you can even see it.
#132
I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.
My next poop could spell disaster!
#133
I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
#134
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third-degree burn.
#135
I once walked in on my teachers making love.
Being homeschooled was never easy for me.
#136
Where do mice park their boats?
At the Hickory Dickory Dock.
#137
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest.
#138
I wanted to eat a watch for lunch, but it was too time-consuming.
#139
My toddler is refusing to nap.
He’s guilty of resisting a rest.
#140
If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
#141
I was once a personal trainer.
Until I got a too-weak notice.
#142
What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
#143
Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?
Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!
#144
Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
It’s a big waist of space.
#145
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon.
#146
What does a pirate’s wife wear?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-mour.
#147
Why did the tree go to the hospital?
Because it had a leaf problem.
#148
Why was the student’s report card wet?
It was below C level.
#149
Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n?
Because n always has to be the center of attention.
#150
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A Clausterphobic.
#151
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
#152
How do you organize a space-themed party?
You planet.
#153
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he woke up.
#154
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don’t wok away from me!
#155
Where can you buy soup in bulk?
The stock market.
#156
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Namaste.
#157
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup.
#158
What do cows most like to read?
Cattle-logs.
#159
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
#160
Why did the robber jump in the shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
#161
Where does the electric cord go to shop?
An outlet mall.
#162
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.
So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.
#163
I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathemachicken.
#164
What animal builds buildings?
Boa constructors.
#165
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
#166
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse.
#167
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
#168
What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
Live stream it.
#169
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
#170
What can you serve but never eat?
A volleyball.
#171
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.
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