What constitutes cheating depends on how a couple defines their relationship. Reddit user throwawayPandaaBear and her boyfriend, for example, agreed that while they were exclusive, they could date and enjoy physical intimacy with other people as well.
An important part of the deal was that they wouldn’t discuss these extracurricular activities.
However, after not having much success with other women, the Redditor’s partner — who, by the way, was the one to propose the unorthodox arrangement — went snooping through her phone to find out if she was seeing a lot of guys.
This immediately led to a heated confrontation that exposed not only double standards but also the real reason he wanted to “open” their relationship in the first place.
If a couple wants their open relationship to work, they have to be able to talk clearly and honestly
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Because, as this story shows, things can get so messy, it can feel impossible to fix
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Image credits: throwawaypandaabear
Monogamy isn’t for everyone
Some people find that they are happier in open or non-monogamous relationships, where they can have more than one romantic and/or sexual partner. A YouGov poll of more than 23,000 Americans discovered that a quarter (25%) of US adults would be interested in having an open relationship themselves.
Men (32%) were more likely than women (19%) to say they would be interested in a non-monogamous relationship. This was also true among married couples: 30% of husbands would be interested, while fewer wives (21%) feel similarly.
Millennials were more likely than any other generation to express interest in having an open relationship, and by a notable margin, too. Four in ten (41%) Millennials would be interested, followed by Generation Z (29%), Generation X (23%), and Baby Boomers (12%).
However, the overwhelming majority, or about two-thirds (68%) of Americans, said they would not be interested in having an open relationship.
But it sounds like this woman’s boyfriend tried to manipulate the situation
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John Kim, LMFT, who is also known as The Angry Therapist, thinks there is definitely a fantasy component to an open relationship.
“The idea that you can connect sexually to someone outside of your relationship may sound like a lottery ticket, especially if you have been with the same person since college,” he writes.
“Yes, it is completely natural and normal to desire and be attracted to other people. That doesn’t mean you want to build a relationship with them.”
According to The Angry Therapist, in some cases, it can even be a possible solution to re-spark your relationship or prevent infidelity.
But for an open relationship to succeed, it requires a tremendous amount of trust in both yourself and your partner.
“Two people have to not only be on the same page but must truly be honest with themselves,” he says. “They have to ask themselves if they have the ability, the inner capacity, to be completely okay with their partner having sex with others, to not just handle it but to not allow it to interfere with them loving their partner as much or even more with this new agreement. If you feel intimidated or less than because your partner experienced an orgasm with someone else, then you probably shouldn’t open your relationship.”
And judging from the post, the Redditor’s boyfriend wasn’t ready for that. He was just selfishly thinking about what he could get out of it.
People who read about their fight said the woman should just break up with her insecure boyfriend
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