Honesty. Loyalty. Trust. These are the foundations of any loving and thriving relationship. Everything you’ve built together can come tumbling down when your partner starts being secretive and unfaithful to you. It can start with a bit of ‘harmless’ flirting, but it can soon grow into a full-blown affair.
Redditor u/Kindayoungbutok recently started a very candid thread on r/AskReddit, asking internet users about the “dead giveaways” that your partner is probably cheating on you. Scroll down to read the potential signs and learn what happened in these people’s relationships.
We reached out to the author of the viral thread, and they were happy to answer our questions about cheating and what keeps a relationship rock-solid. Read on for Bored Panda’s interview with u/Kindayoungbutok.
#1
If they cheated on someone to be with you, well…. don’t be shocked, is all.
Image source: Tyrphanax, drazenphoto
#2
I had a cool/odd/crazy/s****y experience. I talk in my sleep and one day (three months before we were to get married) I had a nightmare about my ex cheating on me with a guy I worked with and I actually woke both of us up mumbling some s**t about it. When I told her what my dream was she got cagey, so I checked our cellphone bill and found out that she had been texting that very same guy non stop for weeks. I confronted her and she admitted to cheating on me with him.
A dream set me free. What’s also funny is that I don’t recall having any kind of trust issues with him and her when we hung out, but something inside me apparently did.
Image source: Ryu2388
#3
Your dog vomits another woman’s underwear.
Image source: RollTacker, Svetozar Milashevich
#4
When she tells you shes having dinner with her brother… while you’re having dinner with her brother
Image source: tickflasher, bluejeanimages
#5
His phone said ‘no caller id’ instead of ‘No Caller ID
Image source: criminalsiren, MargJohnsonVA
#6
Oddly specific as this is how I knew- the girl he was cheating with was conspicuous in absence. He told me everything about his co-workers except for this one. I thought something was going on and sadly, I was right.
For anyone who’s reading this and either has suspicions or has been cheated on, I need you to know it’s not a reflection on you. It’s not your fault, and you will be okay.
Image source: BettieKat, zoranzeremski
#7
When they accuse you of accusing them of cheating – and that has nothing to do with the conversation. At all.
Image source: sherivero, DC_Studio
#8
When my partner was cheating, he was really oversensitive to any implication that I didn’t trust him. I’d text something like ‘what are you doing?’ and he’d get all defensive when it was really just a straight-up question on my part.
Image source: sravll, nebojsa_ki
#9
Your gut. Always always always trust your gut.
Image source: Pfannkuchen-Nippel, Pixabay
#10
My ex used to get so angry if I walked in the door and went to pee right away. I drive an hour home from work due to traffic. Having to pee is not abnormal. He made it a thing. The bathroom was right inside the door, and he would be at the other end of the house. Apparently going into the bathroom before seeing him was equivalent to me washing off the scent of my lover. Every time he accused me of anything, looking back, that’s exactly what he was guilty of.
Image source: Kindayoungbutok
#11
If they ask you to open up the relationship, they’re either already cheating or they have someone in mind and want to do it without the guilt.
Image source: Angel_OfSolitude
#12
Here’s a fun one courtesy of my dad and his second wife: when the tire tread pattern on the fresh snow in your driveway matches the uncommon tires on your brother-in-law’s new work vehicle.
*Edit: got way more confused replies than I expected on this. My dad’s second wife (not my mother) was having an affair with my uncle (my dad’s sister’s husband, HIS brother-in-law) and my dad figured it out after coming home early from work one night and noticing a distinctive tire width and tread pattern in his driveway that matched my uncle’s work truck, who had no reason for being there that night.*
*He went inside and asked her if
Image source: nbd789
#13
When you finally get off of work early for once after working doubles and instead of txting your boyfriend that you’re on your way home you stop and get their favorite McDonald’s meal and iced coffee with your last $10 until payday as a sweet surprise I’m home/I love you gesture and you’re greeted in the hallway with them coming towards you with a shocked and angry look saying “you were trying to catch me doing something” as you’re standing there holding the food and drink in your hands like👁👁
👄
🍟🍔☕️
We were together 6 years before I got the guts to leave. It was only a couple weeks after that happened.
Image source: UsedQuiet2862
#14
When you find incriminating messages and the first thing she ask you is how far you went back into the message history.
She proceeds to get mad at you for violating her trust by looking at her computer even though you asked her several times (calmly and patiently) to be honest about the situation because you felt like you were going crazy.
When the divorce process starts and she decide to call you at work and tell you you can’t prove anything but I let her know I took phone pics of the conversations. She flips out.
When I move out and he (her ex high school bf) moves in right after.
The month our divorce became final they get married 3 months after.
They have a child shortly after that.
Anyhow thank god it happened because while the feelings sucked and felt unsurvivable, I dodged a big a*s bullet and my current gf of several years now is wonderful and I really do feel like everything had to happen for me to end up where I ultimately needed to be.
Image source: Lividshadow
#15
their “co-worker” sends a “goodnight babe. I love you” text in the middle of the night..
Image source: CL_from_the_TL, amenic181
#16
You catch them having sex with someone else. It even worse if they don’t stop.
Image source: GoHomePig, nd3000
#17
Name dropping. When they bring someone up over and over in even the most tangentially related situations. If they say it’s an innocuous friendship or a collegue but their name keeps coming up all the time, chances are you’re right to be concerned.
Image source: NezuminoraQ, imagesourcecurated
#18
When you get a STD when you were previously clean.
Image source: No-Possibility4256
#19
When your wife becomes pregnant and you had a vasectomy 10 years ago.
Image source: get-r-done-idaho, Leah Kelley
#20
Changing passwords to devices after being okay with you having access to them. Lack of intimacy over long stretches of time. No longer wanting to sleep next to you at all, go on dates, or do anything a couple would usually do. And my biggest flag is finding things that you’re damn sure aren’t yours, but they try to pass the item off like it’s always been yours.
I’ll never have ‘solid’ proof that I was cheated on, but my instincts were screaming it when our sex life went away, then he wanted to sleep on the couch every single night. Then he started changing his passwords as my paranoia kicked in. First fight happened at this point. Next came him keeping me out of photos on purpose that he would share on his social media accounts, just in case people thought we were dating, which we were. That was when I caught him talking to someone through PS4 and online, she thought he was single. Fight two happened then and I was in denial because he was gaslighting me so much. It escalated to him wanting to be gone every weekend ‘to a buddy’s house’ and I was never allowed to come along and eventually I found makeup in my car after one of those Pal Weekends. I don’t wear makeup unless it’s a special occasion, usually, and when I do wear it, it’s only around my eyes so I know this didn’t belong to me as it was lip gloss. Final fight and we didn’t stay together.
To everyone out there, it usually starts small and gets bigger over time. Trust yourself to see the signs and leave.
Image source: DarkInkPixie
#21
My ex would sleep with her phone under her pillow. I had an idea it was happening and would keep an eye on this guys MySpace. Then he posted one of the questionnaire things that were popular at the time, one of the questions was who did you last kiss? And his answer was my ex.
MySpace Tom had my back.
Edit: a lot of you seem to think that she might have been browsing the internet, this was a time before internet was available on your phone, there was nothing to do on a phone other than call and text.
Most phones also didn’t screen locks with passwords or facial recognition, anyone could get on your phone so the best way to avoid this would be hide it. Or sleep with it under your pillow so if someone does try to get it, they wake you up.
Image source: Cophed, dolgachov
#22
Phone keeps ringing but he won’t answer it
Image source: karly__45, Andrea Piacquadio
#23
When they suddenly start taking extra interest in their appearance and getting in shape by “going for walks” even up to 10 pm by the time they return and they don’t answer your worried calls because “they had music on with headphones”. And when you ask them why they didn’t answer it’s because “they didn’t hear the calls come in” despite you having the exact same phone and know that the incoming calls cut over the music.
Image source: trevb75
#24
When they randomly start arguments for no reason or just start being disrespectful out of the blue.
Image source: Egg_Anxious, nebojsa_ki
#25
If they accuse you of cheating constantly
Image source: niceguy-365
#26
When my husband cheated, it was definitely the phone. He was hiding at night when he’d go to bed. Also, wouldn’t ever let me go to work related get togethers that the other spouses would attend.
Image source: Pinkbuttercream85, YuriArcursPeopleimages
#27
I guess I kinda allowed this to happen, but it still hurt just the same:
It was a couple of months after my Grandpa passed, and I hadn’t given her the D at all in that time. Funny thing grief…..it f***s up so many things in the body…….anyway, in my grief ridden stupor, I trusted her when she said she was going for a drive with a friend to cut loose a bit. I was okay with it because i wanted her to have a good time and not be stuck in the house with my depressed a*s. She got home in a good mood and I didn’t think anything of it till she went to wash *just* her underwear. I checked her phone that night after she fell asleep, and apparently, she had been talking to this guy for about a month. They had done the deed, and she wanted to make me out as the bad guy when I confronted her about it, with the evidence from her phone, saying I “pushed her to it by not having sex with her.” I kicked her out in a hury, and don’t really remember much except she was the one yelling and screaming. I was pretty much just numb, and I don’t think I really proceeded it till almost 2 weeks later.
Image source: wolf23_
#28
You’re at a party and the lead singer of a band starts singing a song about your girlfriend entitled “Scotty Doesn’t Know”
Image source: cajunfid, RODNAE Productions
#29
They admit to you they still have feelings for a “friend” they had romantic history with and continue to spend alone time with and get upset that you call them an ex 💀 Reality can be whatever they want.
Image source: Voltundra, simbiothy
#30
An interesting one I haven’t seen in the comments yet:
They start doing more, more small gifts, more help around the house, and simply just more involved in the relationship. This isn’t always the reason why there was a sudden shift, but this can be an easily missed sign. The shift can happen because they feel guilty and are trying to make it up to you, it could be them trying to manipulate you into never even considering the idea of them cheating because they’re so considerate, or maybe it’s them trying to make it up to you without telling you.
This isn’t a sign of cheating on its own though, it’s just a sign that maybe you need to pay more attention and be alert to the relationship. The reasoning for paying more attention is: maybe they’re struggling with depression or stress, or they’ve realized they’ve been a bit absent, or maybe you have, or any other number of reasons; Which is why it’s a sign To be alert and figure out why there’s a shift.
Image source: TheFrostyrune, Kim Stiver
#31
When you catch them admitting it over a security camera to their ex while you’re out of state…
Image source: RiggerZilver, Erik Mclean
#32
When they suddenly stop making time for you
Image source: Js_On_My_Yeet, Dương Nhân
#33
when you come home and someone has eaten your jam
Image source: B-dubs_, Cats Coming
#34
They tell you in a moment of anger, then try to pull it back.
Image source: Johnnymi25
#35
These days, watch their phone behaviour, for starters.
Do they hide the screen when you walk behind them? Have they added a password or changed the password? (This may be innocent but could be suspicious.) Are they texting into the wee hours of the night while neglecting you? Have they disabled the little notifications that pop up without having to unlock the phone?
Some of these might not be a problem on their own, but you’ll often notice other behaviours at the same time, like they ignore and neglect you more, find reasons to be in another room, take their phone to the bathroom all the time, or go for lots of breaks away from you.
You’re on the lookout for secretive behaviours, neglect, and distance.
Image source: cabalavatar, picjumbo.com
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