These reviews are really hard for me to write because I literally have nothing to say. I’ve enjoyed the last two episodes just purely for their entertainment value and, while extraordinarily fun, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for discussion of quality or themes or whatever.
Like, what am I supposed to say about The Bachelor? “The quality of this episode was slightly less than its predecessor; Ashley S’s crazy wasn’t as entertaining the second time around, and the sad tales of Julia and Megan really put a damper on the evening.” The Venn diagram of people who skin other people for fun and people who write Bachelor reviews of that type is a circle.
Having said that, I am going to attempt to wring something out of the show, so, yeah, take that as you will.
I said in my last review that I’ve never watched The Bachelor before this season, and that’s true in a macro sense; I’ve caught clips and bits of news as I’ve wandered through the North American pop culture funhouse, and, more importantly, I was kept fairly abreast of last season. From all that I’ve read, and heard, Juan Pablo was a megadouche, and the show wasn’t so much funny as it was cruel and wasn’t so much enjoyable as it was cringe-worthy. I’m not about that.
I’m glad that I came into this season because, I gotta say, I’m actually really enjoying myself, outside of the comedy of the whole thing. The show is famous for being called vapid and shallow and blah blah blah whatever, but if that’s true, this season must be the least vapid and shallow and blah blah blah of them all. Chris Soules comes across as a genuine human being who is extraordinarily accommodating to the (occasional) legion of crazy that is thrown his way. I can tell you that there aren’t many people who can handle the deep-down battiness of Ashley S and her glazed-over stare and not come off as a jerk. He was pleasant, worked with her, and actually kept her around, even though by the midway point of the episode she was crashing his personal interview and babbling like a Scientologist on methamphetamines. He’s been impressive is what I’m saying.
But then again, Chris might be attracted to weird, because he kept both Mackenzie AND Ashley S around when pretty much anyone else would’ve sent them packing. The show isn’t very kind to Mackenzie (and neither am I, to be honest), and her one-on-one with Chris was hard to watch at times. But she’s actually kind of interesting, and funny, and 100% unself-aware, which does not make engender kindness in a viewing audience. So, I’ll withhold further judgement.
Ashley S, on the other hand, is not of the same kind of interesting. She was Onion Lady after the first episode, in which she was wasted as all get out. Tonight, she also appeared to be intoxicated, but one thing was puzzling: they never really showed her drinking. When Tara last episode and Jordan in this episode were doing drunk people things, they made it clear they had been imbibing the alcohols. But Onion Lady? Didn’t see a glass within a thousand miles. I am 100% sure she was so hopped on ketamine she could’ve been been on Mars and in the clutches of an evil race of beings and still been acting the same. Truly incredible.
I really love this show. I’m in my last semester of college and I am really gonna need The Bachelor to keep bringing it or else I am going to drown in stress.
Front Runners:
1) Mackenzie
2) Britt
3) Megan
4) Ashley I
5) Amber
Stray thoughts:
– Ashley I is my favorite to win. She’s the most interesting and has the coolest job of freelance journalist. Fight me, commenters.
– Sad to see Tara go.
– The Kimberly stuff was too much. She got to come back on the show (A FIRST), and I was hoping that this would change the game and people would continually ask for a second chance but no. No more chaos for us.
– JIMMY KIMMEL HAS ARRIVED. Kind of a weird twist but Kimmel is the best.
– “The truth. Boom.”
[Photo via ABC]
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