“[Am I The Jerk] For Not Changing My Annual Backyard Party Plans For My Boyfriend And His Kids?”

End-of-summer parties are a delicate balance of good friends, good food, and making sure no one’s kid falls into the pool. Introducing a new partner into this well-oiled machine is the ultimate test: will they get the vibe, or will they be the one who double-dips in the guacamole?

For u/Cherry-Oatmeal, her beloved party tradition met its greatest foe: a new boyfriend with a different rulebook. He didn’t just want to attend the party; he wanted to edit the script, change the main event, and get a producer credit. When she refused to change her long-standing plans, he turned a festive night into a full-blown relationship debate.

More info: Reddit

End-of-summer parties are a sacred ritual, the last hurrah before schedules and sweaters take over

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

For one user, her long-standing tradition turned sour when her new boyfriend declined the invitation, feeling uncomfortable with the kids’ sleeping arrangements

Image credits: Cherry-Oatmeal

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

But things took a turn when he claimed her refusal to change the tradition meant he wasn’t truly welcome

Image credits: Cherry-Oatmeal

Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The party went as planned, but her boyfriend was also hurt that she didn’t call him while hosting the party

Image credits: Cherry-Oatmeal

He argued she should have left her own party early just to accommodate him and his kids

For years, the OP has hosted the perfect end-of-summer bash for her neighbors and their kids. It’s a simple, genius setup: the kids party, then go to sleep at her house right next door. This allows the adults to continue the fun while she keeps an eye on everything. It’s a flawless system she’s perfected over the years.

This year, she invited her new boyfriend of six months and his kids to join the legendary event. He declined, citing a list of concerns: his kids hadn’t slept there before and he disliked the idea of partying while they slept. The woman was totally understanding and told him it was no problem at all. Case closed, right? Wrong.

Instead of accepting her understanding, the boyfriend got upset and pulled the “we’re not truly welcome” card. He argued that she should have offered to change her long-standing tradition to accommodate his specific needs. In his view, the correct move would have been for her to leave her own party early with him.

The party went on without him, but the drama was far from over. Her boyfriend was now also hurt that she didn’t call him during the event she was busy hosting. She was focused on her guests, but he felt she should have made time. A simple party has now become a major test of their six-month relationship.

Image credits: evabonda32 / Freepik (not the actual photo)

This incident highlights a classic blended family challenge: merging traditions. As Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., writes for HelpGuide, families have different routines, and the best approach is to “find some common ground or create new traditions for your blended family.” The boyfriend isn’t suggesting a compromise; he’s asking her to abandon her tradition to fit his family’s needs, creating a power struggle instead of a partnership.

While his concern for his kids is valid, his anger points to a different issue. Seth Meyers, Psy.D., notes in Psychology Today that parents must focus on the “child’s emotional needs as opposed to indulging their own anxiety.” By getting upset that she didn’t change the party or call him, his focus shifted from his children’s comfort to his own feelings of being excluded from her established life.

The online jury didn’t even need to deliberate, handing the woman a unanimous “Not the Jerk” verdict. Commenters were baffled by the boyfriend’s logic, pointing out that he had a simple solution: come for the fun part and leave at bedtime. Instead, he chose drama, with one user noting, “He’s right to set a boundary for himself and his children, but he doesn’t get to dictate yours.”

So, who do you think committed the real party foul here: the host who stuck to her tradition, or the boyfriend who tried to RSVP “no” for everyone?

Online commenters overwhelmingly side with the host, labeling her boyfriend’s behavior as a major red flag