Every family has its quirks. Some fight over who forgot to put the bins out, others over who ate the last cookie. But imagine your daughter coming home from uni, casually announcing she doesn’t like your husband, who basically raised her since she was four, and then expecting everything to carry on as normal. Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it.
That’s exactly what’s happening in one household where today’s Original Poster (OP), whose daughter is fresh out of university and working just part-time at a café, has dropped a bombshell that’s left her entire family reeling.
More info: Mumsnet
The author’s daughter finished university but avoided full-time work, relying on her and her husband for financial support while working minimal hours
Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her husband, who raised her since childhood, continued to support her, even funding interview clothes and medical treatment
Image credits: Soupnramen
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After moving back home, the daughter revealed she didn’t like her stepfather, claiming his “banter” through the years felt like bullying
Image credits: Soupnramen
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The stepfather gave multiple heartfelt apologies, but the daughter rejected his attempts, refusing family holidays and pulling away further
Image credits: Soupnramen
This then left the author torn between her husband and daughter, with the family strained by sadness, tension, and unresolved resentment
The OP explained that her daughter glided through her degree without ever holding a proper job. After graduation, she signed up for a master’s degree not to study, but to access extra funding, and spent the year working just a few bar shifts. Her husband, who raised her like his own since she was four, works full-time while coping with depression tied to historic trauma.
Meanwhile, the OP is also managing a disability and caring for a younger son who is autistic. Through it all, she and her husband never pressured their daughter to contribute to rent, and they have always just wanted to show their support for her. Now back at home, the daughter has picked up a 15-hour café job and insists she doesn’t want a “boring office job”.
And then, out of nowhere, she announced she didn’t like the OP’s husband. She claimed his sense of humor, which involved little jabs about her teenage acne or her singing, wasn’t banter but years of bullying. The stepdad, devastated, gave a heartfelt apology and even immediately spent £200 a month on private treatment for her acne.
Still, the OP’s daughter won’t accept his gestures as enough. She’s pulled away from family holidays, leaving the OP questioning everything they thought they knew about their home life. The stepdad has even asked whether he should leave the family home to make things easier for his stepdaughter.
However, the OP feels stuck in the middle, torn between her husband, who has been nothing but supportive, and her daughter, who seems to be rewriting her childhood through a darker lens.
Image credits: olganosova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
South Florida Intervention notes that many young adults today are experiencing what’s often called Failure to Launch Syndrome, which refers to the delayed independence of young people. They explain that instead of moving into completing education, starting a career, or living on their own, they often remain dependent on their parents.
A lot of young adults like this tend to show low motivation, reluctance to work, limited life skills, and an avoidance of responsibility, and Foundation Asheville outlines several serious consequences of this. Economically, it often leads to long-term financial dependency on parents. Personally, I think it can stunt growth by limiting the development of life skills and resilience.
Furthermore, they sometimes struggle to maintain good relationships, including ones with their parents. Professional counselor Rachel Glik highlights common sources of tension between parents and their adult children stemming from shifting values and boundaries, and even differing recollections of the past, like the OP suspects.
To manage and heal these rifts, she recommends a collaborative approach to resolving conflict, where both sides engage openly. She also emphasizes the importance of setting and respecting healthy boundaries while also practicing active listening and validation of feelings, as this can help repair trust and strengthen the parent-adult child relationship.
Netizens expressed sympathy for the stepfather while criticizing the daughter’s behavior, describing her as “entitled” and refusing to take responsibility. They suggested she needs to face reality and start acting like an adult, emphasizing that the Op and her husband have already done their best and that boundaries need to be set.
In an update, the OP stated that she and her husband finally decided to stop giving her money. Do you think the parents made the right decision in finally cutting off financial support? We would love to know your thoughts!
In an update, she mentioned that she and her husband decided to stop giving her money, and netizens applauded this as they highlighted that the daughter was entitled
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