… back from break, Janis informs Moss that she’s been monitoring Chloe and has her on tape talking to Jack about Burnett. Moss orders one of his officers to haul Chloe into a detention room. She goes quietly, but not before giving Janis the Glare of Death on the way out. Moss gets on the phone with the White House.
Mayer’s meeting with Madame President and reminds her that she has always been a proponent of torture reform. Jack Bauer has “committed atrocities. Prisoners have died in his custody.” And you know what else? He strangles people with his thighs. I think Mayer’s just jealous. They verbally spar about excusing Bauer from the hearings. “America has been down this road before, Madame President. You yourself called it a national tragedy,” Mayer points out. I’m assuming he’s referring to Abu Ghraib? Or something that happened in the fictional 24-universe that isn’t striking a bell with me at the moment. “It was a tragedy,” Madame President responds, “I still believe that.” “Pardon Jack Bauer, and you’re telling every interrogator in the field that it’s open season again,” Mayer says. Madame President’s phone beeps and it’s Moss, informing them that Jack’s got Burnett in his sights.
CLICKY CLICKY ZAAAAAP. Jack’s having a field day with that taser gun and lo, it is awesome. I mean, not that torture’s awesome, but when Jack does it… oh, damn it. I can’t get myself out of this one, can I? “I can pull the trigger 128 more times before this battery dies,” he informs a sweaty and spastic Burnett. “I’m telling you, I don’t know anything about an attack,” Burnett insists. “Stop lying to me,” Jack responds. Burnett still won’t talk. “You are a traitor and a terrorist,” Jack says cooly. “I love my country,” Burnett protests. CLICKY CLICKY ZAAAAAP. Jack’s playin’ hardball now. He takes the cartridge out of the taser so the “Drive Stun” mode is available. So if Jack touches the gun directly on Burnett, the voltage goes up times 40. Jack just wants to know what the target is, but Burnett continues to LIE that he doesn’t know what Jack’s talking about. Jack sticks the gun against Burnett’s leg and CLICKY CLICKY ZAAAAAP SIZZLE. “Don’t you even try to play that game with me,” Jack rasps in Burnett’s ear, “Mr. Burnett, I’ve been doing this a long time and I can tell the difference, especially when a man is under duress, if he’s got information that I need or if I’m just wasting my time and I promise you, I am not wasting my time. The next jolt is going to be on your throat. Anything above your neck runs the risk of a complete neuromuscular shut down. That means you run the risk of becoming paralyzed.” “Please, no,” Burnett begs. “Mr. Burnett, you built the entire federal case against me. You of all people should know how far I am willing to go to stop this attack from happening. So I’m gonna ask you one last time — WHERE IS THE TARGET?” Oh, Jack. I love it when you get all shouty like that.
Burnett doesn’t say anything, so Jack grabs his hair and yanks his head back, exposing his throat so Jack can press the taser up against it. “Okay, okay,” Burnett finally relents, “Soldiers. A unit. Juma’s residential gaurd. It already started.” Before Jack can get the “where” out of him, the office phone beeps. It’s Madame President. She’s ordering Jack to answer her. He lets Burnett go and informs Madame President of the second attack. As his Commander in Chief, she’s ordering him to stand down. Jack tases the phone (smooth move!), short circuiting it, and goes back to torturing Burnett. “WHERE IS THE TARGET?” he yells as the door behind him blows into a million tiny little shards. Military personnel handcuff Jack against the wall and he emits what I can only describe as a frustrated, animalistic yell. Kudos to Kiefer for that one. Burnett’s bleeding a little. Mayer stalks in and tells Jack he’s done for. Jack responds that Burnett was talking and whatever happens after this point is on Mayer’s conscience. “My conscience has a lot less to answer for than yours,” Mayer points out. Madame President walks in behind him and grills Jack on where he got his intel from. He admits it’s Tony and Mayer flips out. “Madame President, I don’t care if his source is the Blessed Virgin Mary, nothing justifies what went on in this room,” Mayer insists. Hee. “Look at that and tell me it’s not barbarism,” he says as he points to Burnett. Okay, he does look like crap, but c’mon. It’s not like Jack was taking the thing to his groin. Actually, that would have been… nevermind. “Earlier today, Madame President, two airplanes were brought down. Is that something you can live with?” Jack asks. “You’re reprehensible, Bauer!” Mayer exclaims. “And you, sir, are weak!” Jack yells back, “Unwilling and unable to look evil in the eye and deal with it.” YES. Oh, Jack. I take back all that bad stuff I said about you last season.
Madame President steps out into the hallway with the Chief of Staff, who believes that if Jack says there’s going to be an attack, there’s probably going to be an attack. (Also? The promo promised there was going to be a siege, and I believe the promo monkeys. So, really, I’ve got the best intel here.) She heads back in the room and tells her military escorts to take Jack into custody. She chastises him for not coming to her first, but he insists there wasn’t time. “It would have really made a difference, ma’am,” he warns as he’s carted off. Mayer tries to tell Madame President that she’s doing the right thing, but she’s not so sure. She wants to talk to Burnett herself, but Mayer offers to do it because he knows him. “Apparently, you don’t,” Madame President fumes. Touché.
Back from break, the Secretary of Homeland Security informs Madame President that the threat level has been raised, but only for government officials and the military, as there would be mass panic of they alerted the public. Well, gee. That sure makes me feel safe. The airspace around Washington has been restricted as well. The NSA has nothing specific on the threat. Looks like their only option is to offer Burnett immunity in the hopes that he’ll fully disclose the nature of the attack. “Bauer’s going to prison and a traitor walks. What’s wrong with this picture?” Madame President muses as she heads Burnett’s way.
Burnett’s on oxygen, surrounded by military escorts. She informs him he’ll be charged with treason, a capital offense. He demands a lawyer. Madame President assures him he’ll get his counsel, but only after he tells her everything he knows. “Not in this lifetime,” Burnett mumbles. “WHAT did you say?” Madame President inquires rather sternly. The Chief of Staff steps in, outlining the deal, but Burnett says he can’t help them and he wants his damn lawyer. Madame President is rapidly losing patience for these types of games.
Walker pulls into a seemingly abandoned warehouse area, where she has spotted Laundry Guy’s car. She makes her way into the building and down the stairs before peering around the corner, gun drawn. Juma’s men are everywhere. She quietly answers a call from Moss. She gives him her location and a status report and Moss tells her about the second attack. Moss is on his way with backup and she just needs to hang tight until he gets there..
Dubaku Jr. approaches Juma. He’s worried because there’s no sign of his father. Juma LIES that he just spoke with Dubaku, who will be unable to join them — he was “delayed.” You forgot the “PERMANENTLY, Mr. Bond! Muahahahaha!” Juma! Seriously. Juma is pretty much a Bond villian, he’s so far out there. Dubaku Jr. wants to take his father’s place on the assault team, but Juma needs him for recon on the perimeter. Walker calls Moss to let him know that Juma and his men are heading out, but Moss is still ten minutes away. She also relates that she thinks Juma is leading the attack himself. Moss tells Walker not to take any chances. Yeah, right.
Walker heads topside and follows Juma’s men at a distance as they load a boat. On the Potomac. No, I’m not kidding. I can’t decide if this is awesome, or hilarious. It may be a bit of both. The boat starts to pull away from the dock, and Walker makes a flying leap before being dragged through the water as she grabs onto the deck. She pulls herself up, unseen, only to discover that her phone got wet, and is therefore useless. Her gun’s probably waterlogged too. Nice bit of realism there.
It looks like Bill’s conscious again, because he’s dialing Tony, who’s sitting in front of the White House. How he’s still there, I have no idea. I thought the alert level was up! Surely security would notice a suspicious-looking, scruffy man loitering in a dark SUV, right? OH. I forgot. All the bad guys this season drive brightly colored vans. That’s why he’s okay. Duh. Anyway, Bill lets Tony know that Burnett didn’t break and he wants to know if Tony can take another crack at his source. Tony kinda can’t do that because, well… his source is dead. Oops? Bill’s pissed that he wasn’t brought in on this, and Tony insists that Jack was just trying to protect Bill. Their only fallback plan was Burnett taking the immunity deal, and that didn’t work out so well either. I’m with Bill on this one — dumb move, guys.
Moss is up in a chopper over the city, but he’s got Janis on the phone because he keeps getting Walker’s voicemail. Janis reports something’s wrong with Walker’s phone, because she can’t triangulate Walker’s position either.
Walker, meanwhile, is carefully surveying Juma’s men, but all I can really think about in this scene is how sad it is that her nice leather jacket got ruined because it’s all wet now. The humanity!! Juma’s giving tactical instructions to his men before they move out. Juma and Co. get all suited up in their scuba gear and — really? HOW IS NO ONE SEEING THIS?? Walker bustles into the now-empty cabin of the boat to shuffle through the target paperwork until she finds a gigantic sketch of the White House. Now, really? How useful could that particular exterior shot of the White House be? It’s not like there’s floor plans, or anything. “Now — if you see a BIG WHITE HOUSE like this one, that’s where we’re going, m’kay? In case you get lost or anything.” Really, 24? You could have been more subtle than that. Walker stares at the picture long enough for Dubaku Jr. to notice her in the cabin. He starts after her and she bolts out of the cabin before flying off the side of the ship. WHEE! Go, Walker! Dubaku Jr. fires his automatic weapon into the water, but Walker keeps on swimming. Dubaku Jr. lowers a raft down into the river and heads after Walker as Juma and Co. ominously float through the murky bottom of the Potomac.
Walker climbs out of the water before Dubaku Jr. can catch up to her and scales the slippery rocks on the shoreline. Dubaku and Co. are still messing around underwater. They take a giant drill to… some rock? I guess. Aaaaand… dun-dee-dun-dee-DUN.
Okay. I’m not sure how I feel about this whole “Underwater Assault” thing. I mean, I’m sitting here, looking at Google Maps, right? And I see the White House there and I’m thinking, “Okay, so where are they coming in from??” First of all, I have no idea where Juma docked the boat to begin with, because warehouse space with a dock seems to be unfeaseable in the surrounding area. Second of all, the closest access point to the White House would be from the very north end of the Tidal Pool, so how does someone not notice this? I mean, I don’t think boats can get that close, can they? And third of all: those have got to be some pretty long-ass tunnels running from the tidal pool all the way to the White House. I hate to sound like a broken record, but: really, 24? That’s pretty ridiculous, even for you. Okay, shutting up now.
Next on 24: Your fearless recapper, Julia Thorne, attempts to finish the second half of this lovely two-parter before the new episode airs! Horray for dealines! Hang in there, kiddies, and gimmie a couple hours. And some vodka, please. It’s five 0′ clock somewhere.
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