When you’re in a committed relationship for years and years, it can seem completely impossible that it might someday end. But people change. Trust gets broken. Priorities shift. Folks fall out of love. And then you find yourself on the verge of breaking everything off.
Redditor u/Upstairs-Fox917 started a candid online discussion after asking the members of the r/AskWomen community to open up about why their long-term relationships came to an end. Their stories are raw and powerful, and they show you just how tough loving someone can be. Scroll down to read why these relationships fell apart.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the thread, u/Upstairs-Fox917, who shared her thoughts on love, compatibility, and the importance of being very honest with ourselves about what we need from a relationship. You’ll find our full interview with her as you read on. Be sure not to miss it!
#1
I always felt lonely with him in my life. It was hard to leave because he’s the father of my child. He was lazy, not motivated. I was making more money (not a big deal if other things were equal), pretty much single mom in a relationship, cleaned, cooked, took care of bills, etc. I was practically single taking care of a man child. He threatened me that if I ever left, he wouldn’t bothered with our child anymore. At first I was worried for my child’s sake, so I stayed a few more years, then I said nothing is worth this prison in my own home. So I left. He blocked me, hasn’t reached out to his son. It’s been 5+ years since we heard from him, but we are both thriving and living our best lives, and traveling the world together.
Image source: Personal-Cupcake2282, Lisa Fotios
#2
I finally loved myself more than I loved him and stood up for myself.
Image source: Delicious_Stock_4659, Budgeron Bach
#3
I wanted to get married. He kept dangling the carrot. I would meet a goalposts and he would set another one. 5 and a half years into it … his parents came from China to visit. They didn’t speak a bit of English and took over the house for a month. It was so stressful. Two months after they get back to China I get an email saying that I was not a good fit for their son and we were not allowed to continue our relationship and he would not be allowed to marry me and we should not waste any more time on each other. I collapse on the floor crying. He comes over and says he’ll talk to them.
Weeks go by and he hasn’t. I bring it up and he says he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. And we argue. Two month later he broke up with me. I had nothing and nowhere to go because we weren’t married. 6 years together and I was 35…it was awful. I was so stupid to keep trying. If a man wants to marry you he will. That’s all I learned.
Jokes on his parents tho. He’s still single 6 years later.
Image source: rayvin4000, Solen Feyissa
#4
I spent a month away and realized that life was better without him.
Image source: AlizarinQ, Sasha Freemind
#5
Together almost 6 years. He started to get stressed out with finances and resented the fact that my career was taking off and I was getting attention. He got violent, sexually assaulted me a few times, and used to block me in my room so he could scream at me for hours. I made an exit plan and waited until he was out of town to leave.
Image source: Bayesdaze, Christian Erfurt
#6
We had different aspirations. His only dreams were professional, he had no plans for us as a couple – he didn’t want kids, didn’t want to travel, to move, to build something the two of us. When I asked if he saw his future differently with me or without me, he said no.
So I realized that staying together would mean me having to sacrifice on things I didn’t want to sacrifice on. So I left. I have no regrets.
Image source: Yource, Timo Stern
#7
He died due to a brain tumor. It’s been 6 years but I still can’t move on. He still occasionally visits me in my dreams and I’m thinking about him from time to time. I’m always thinking that it’s much better if we separate ways like he cheats on me or we’re not happy anymore and I will hear he has his own family. I am barely surviving and it sucks to be here, sometimes.
Image source: dry_symphathy, Pavel Danilyuk
#8
He said I didn’t ski as hard as the other girl he had been flirting with after he moved out to a new state a few months ahead of me. Luckily he broke it off before I moved. Looking back I realized he had kind of used me like a doll that had to be perfect at every sport, sexy and beautiful to crazy standards, and other weird expectations so that he could get validation from other men while he nit picked and belittled me at home over every little thing (told me I didn’t take my socks off right at one point). I was devastated by the breakup, but looking back I am amazed that I ever gave someone that much power to make me feel small. I loved him immensely, but I never could have loved myself in that relationship and I’m proud of the ways I have grown since then.
Image source: aud_anticline, Maarten Duineveld
#9
We just stopped to love each other. But we are still friends. I’m married now and he’s gonna get married soon too. We’ll even attend the wedding with my husband. He’s a great person and I’m thankful and happy for the time we had together.
Image source: Chamalloow, Jeremy Wong Weddings
#10
We moved in together after 4 years and he suddenly forgot how to do literally any chore. Even a 5 year old would have a better sense of responsibility. He was willing to do chores for his mom all the time but not for me. I tried to talk about it and find solutions for a year, then I happened to meet someone who made me realise I deserved better. So I left, and I don’t have any regrets.
Image source: nonsignifierenon, Nathan Dumlao
#11
He couldn’t establish boundaries with his mom thus I didn’t want to marry into his family.
Image source: iluvcorn, Ketut Subiyanto
#12
He cheated on me with the woman he spent years telling me I wouldn’t need to worry about. At first she lived 3k miles from us. She was was his ex but he referred to her as his best friend. They really were just friends I think for the first 6 years of us dating, but then she needed help moving out of her “abusive boyfriends” place, so he convinced me to move to Alaska and get a place with the 3 of us (which turned into 5 with her sister and another of her friends).
They ended up taking an extra bedroom of the house for their “office” and spent a lot of time behind a closed door and I gave them privacy because I trusted him. (Yeah I know I’m stupid. But she was a full time student and he worked from home and there wasn’t other space for their desks so it made sense to me).
A year later, he cheated on me with her while they were both on a trip to visit another friend together. I’m not positive anything physical happened before that trip but I think that he’d been thinking about it a lot by that point. I broke up with him but was still living in the house and could hear them giggling and having sex in her bedroom every night. I ended up staying with friends for 5 weeks until I could afford the deposit on a new place.
Probably worst experience I’ve ever had. I still get nightmares of hearing the person I thought loved me having sex with someone openly in the other room. Surreal trauma I’ve gotten from it.
Oh, and they’ve since split up and she’s now back with the “abusive ex” we moved here to save her from in the first place. So that’s great. 🙃.
Image source: Anilxe, RDNE Stock project
#13
My brain fully developed.
Image source: the2-2homerun, Pixabay
#14
He didn’t want to change. He walked all over my boundaries. Refused to hang out with family. And never wanted to talk about issues with the relationship. I stayed too long with someone who didn’t want to work together on anything. And I finally ended it when I was questioning why I was even with him still.
Image source: DividiaStorm, note thanun
#15
I got sober and he didn’t.
Image source: AlliWal0506
#16
He cheated with me with a girl me met playing an online video game. That really opened my eyes to how he’d been treating me for years.
He wanted to get back together. I got a lawyer and we got divorced. I don’t see it as 8.5 years down the drain though – I learned a lot with him and a lot because of him. I’d never wish to go through that experience again though.
Image source: tvp204, Tima Miroshnichenko
#17
We got in a usual argument about him not meeting some of my needs in feeling loved. At one point he said “why don’t you just date someone else? I feel like you’d be happier” it stuck with me for a few weeks & finally I said f**k it & broke up with him. He was shocked for some reason lol. Pleaded to get back together for the next year or so. I later found out that he had been cheating on me pretty much the whole relationship. I wasn’t perfect & I think I put a lot of pressure on him to fill a void in myself that’s ultimately my job. Some of the stuff that I found on his phone post breakup has scarred me for years after. Still trying to do the work to be what I need for myself & not be so dependent on others.
Image source: pat_batemans_lover, Etienne Boulanger
#18
He postponed our wedding 3 weeks before the date. We were planning on rescheduling for a later date. We were starting IVF at the time after an infertility battle. The night before we were to start, I looked him in the eye and asked him: is this what you want? You’re sure? We’re in this together?
He looked me back, held my face in his hands, and said: “there’s no one else I’d rather do life with. Thank you for being so patient and for loving me. I’m all in.”
The next morning he woke up and told me he couldn’t do any of it, ever. Not the IVF, not a future wedding. Said he had been stringing me along because he knew I was the most loving person he’d ever met and because he knew how much I loved him.
Afterwards I realized that my engagement ring was a fake and he had actually bought a house 5 years into our 7 year relationship (he lived in my house).
That was one year ago today. It’s taken some time but I now I realize that the sack of s**t did me a huge favour.
The best part? He was a physician and I supported him through the most gruelling part of his training. So, smart doesn’t always equal good.
Image source: firstinversion, Jeremy Wong Weddings
#19
I finally realized he was never going to change. Prior to that, I always believed him when he promised he would. Eventually I just had to give up.
Image source: some_blonde_bitch, Alex Green
#20
He was 28, cheated on me, and got her pregnant. She was 17…
Image source: TearsUnfthmblSdnes
#21
Never, EVER made me or us a priority, even though I moved states to be with him. Emotionally crippled due to family issues that he was not working on, so he couldn’t give anything to me. I just always felt bad around him. One day, after the millionth time of him ignoring me at a family hangout- around the people he truly prioritized over me- we came home and I simply said, I can’t do this anymore. He moved out within a few hours.
Image source: soupallyear, Ivan Shimko
#22
He was never going to be happy living in America and I was never going to be happy leaving.
Image source: VelourMagic
#23
He became religious.
Image source: wangd00dle, Johnyvino
#24
I realized I was staying because I was comfortable, not because I was truly happy.
Image source: Kozypepper, RDNE Stock project
#25
I stopped loving him. It really was that simple.
Image source: DesignerSand, Kinga Howard
#26
He was an abusive piece of s**t who hadn’t worked in over a year because he was faking a back injury. I was the sole breadwinner and he gave me zero freedoms and while also spending every second of the day spending my money and playing video games. He raped me in my sleep the entirety of our relationship and gaslit me any time I confronted him. I also discovered he was a pedophile. When I told him we were done he tried to get me evicted and then posted my nudes to the internet. I reached out to his family and they cussed me out and told me o deserved it.
Now he’s with a girl 6 years younger than him and working as a Masseuse probably doing the same disgusting, horrific s**t. Good f*****g riddance and I hope he rots in hell. And if he somehow reads this comment then f**k you, you’re a snake and I’m glad your mom died you absolutely worthless excuse for a human being. I just wish I had told her what a monster you were before she bit the dust.
Image source: crymeacoffeetable
#27
I finally got the courage to actually be alone, even though it wasn’t much of a difference since he wasn’t really there for me. Was very scary. He desperately needed to grow, and so did I.
Image source: sparklescrotum
#28
She didn’t really love me, I was being abused and I didn’t realize.
Image source: AliceWeAreAllMad
#29
I realized he would never prioritize me ahead of his addiction.
Image source: myownworst_frenemy
#30
I fell out of love with him when I realised he no longer added any value to my life.
Much happier now ❤️.
Image source: Zimby_14, Alena Darmel
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