Want to know the three most transparent things in the world? Perhaps they are glass, air – and that fine line between benevolent hospitality and blatant violation of personal boundaries. And, frankly, I don’t even know which of these three is truly more transparent…
But seriously, many folks, when faced with goodwill from friends or close people, simply start accepting it for granted and gradually begin to perceive good treatment as others’ duty. For example, as it happened to the user u/CheesecakeParty7427, the narrator of our story today.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes doing something really good for other people turns out to have rather unpleasant consequences for you
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the story lives together with her boyfriend of 3 years in the house she owns
Image credits: CheesecakeParty7427
Image credits: Camandona / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently the guy asked her to house his elder sis for a few weeks when she had a hard divorce process, and the author agreed
Image credits: CheesecakeParty7427
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the two weeks turned into several months, and even when that lady moved out, she left the “spare” key so she made a habit of coming uninvited from time to time
Image credits: CheesecakeParty7427
The author objected this, but her boyfriend sided with his sis, so the woman now considers to change the locks when he’s away for work
The Original poster (OP) says she is 32 years old and has been with her 35-year-old boyfriend for three years. They live in a house owned by the author and usually split the bills. Well, sometimes the guy forgets to pay his share of the bills, or just can’t, and then our heroine does it for him.
Some time ago, the boyfriend’s older sister was going through a hard divorce, and the bro invited her to stay with them for a couple of weeks. The OP agreed, but when “a couple of weeks” turned into a couple of months, she politely hinted that it was time for her to move out. And so it happened. However, as it later turned out, she still had a spare key.
Well, several times, returning home from work, our heroine found her boyfriend’s sister there. This began to irritate the author, and she demanded that she give the boyfriend that “spare” key. The man, of course, agreed to take the key, but a couple of weeks later, the same thing happened once more. Over and over again…
The last straw was when the author once found the BF’s sister literally cooking in her own kitchen. As it turned out, she had come specifically to prepare a surprise for them. But the OP didn’t want any surprises! A fight erupted, with the boyfriend actually siding with the sis, calling all this “disrespectful to his family.”
Now our heroine is wondering if she should simply change the locks when her boyfriend leaves for a week on business. She consulted with friends about it, but their opinions were very divided. Some completely agree with her, while others think she’s definitely overreacting. So the lady decided to ask netizens for their opinions too.
Image credits: faststocklv / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Expert opinion on such behavioral patterns is quite clear today: if the person next to you constantly ignores your “No,” does the opposite of what you asked them, and even sometimes mocks your requests, that should likely be considered a violation of your personal boundaries.
Furthermore, this dedicated article at PsychCentral claims that if you have to set any of your boundaries over and over, this is also a sign of someone violating them. Incidentally, sometimes a radical solution – getting rid of the source of the problem – could be the best option possible.
“Sometimes, when you find yourself interacting with someone who repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, you may end up questioning whether you need to leave the relationship,” says Kate O’Brien, a NYC-based therapist, in a dedicated post on her website. Incidentally, some people in the comments under the original post also noted that the author should’ve reconsider her relationship as well.
Yes, most of the responders, in addition to supporting the original poster and her idea to change the locks, also advised her to think twice about continuing her relationship with her boyfriend. “Pack his stuff and drop it off with his sister,” someone concluded in the comments. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
Many people in the comments not only supported the woman’s idea, but also urged her to reconsider the whole relationship with this guy as well
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