A bit of support, kindness, and humanity goes a long, long way. But unfortunately, some people are so self-centered, entitled, and toxic that they throw empathy out of the window. For them, your struggles mean nothing.
Internet users took to a brutally honest thread about their most vulnerable, toughest moments in life, sharing the very worst things that someone has ever told them in response. It’s the kind of stuff that nobody should ever say if they don’t have a heart made of stone. It’s infuriating. Scroll down to read their experiences with the most emotionally unintelligent people anywhere on the planet.
#1
I told my friend I was sleeping in my car for the past month, he then proceeded to tell me how good his thanksgiving’s was going to be.
I had my dog at that time and I remember going to buy food, driving to a park and sat there for 2 hours eating a thanksgiving meal with my dog.
Image source: anon, Maria_Sbytova / Envato
#2
Tops my list easily. Sitting on a waiting list for about a year after having a small scale heart attack, I go to a doctor to talk about why my chest and heart still hurt, and that I constantly feel like I worked an 18 hour shift no matter how much I rest, and he’s got nerve to tell me, “You’ve just got to try a little bit harder, okay?”.
Image source: Polarity1999, Queenmoonlite35 / Envato
#3
You still have to take care of us and cook for us. My late mom said that after I lost a baby at 14 weeks in July of 2006.
Image source: Ok_Garden571, Zinkevych_D / Envato
The silver lining is that emotional intelligence, empathy, kindness, altruism, and all of those community-centered values are things that anyone can learn. With enough self-awareness, practice, and a growth mentality, anyone can become a better person. The bad news? Change is hard. And it requires you to set your ego aside and take responsibility for your behavior. Not everyone is willing to do this.
According to the Harvard Medical School, there are several ways in which you can practice cultivating more empathy for others:
- Actively listening to other people
- Being sensitive toward others by thinking about the questions you ask them
- Acknowledging your (un)conscious and implicit biases and prejudices
A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that you ought to focus on what the other person is saying. If all you’re doing is waiting for your turn to speak, you’re being selfish.
Make eye contact with the person, don’t interrupt them, and don’t hand out unsolicited advice unless they specifically ask for your input. Sometimes, the other person simply wants to be heard, seen, and understood, not for you to try to fix their problems.
#4
My mother. I had just come out of ICU after a stroke & fall downstairs. While the doctor was going through my injuries she interrupted him to exclaim she had also fractured her skull! So desperate for attention (yes she has a personality disorder). Sent her packing after that.
Image source: Low_Matter3628, fxquadro / Envato
#5
Since i have no support system at all i finally opened up to my best friend that i struggle very much with anorexia (even though it was very obvious, i was always overweight but suddenly dropped 100lbs in half a year)
she then started commenting on my body and enabling me (e.g. “you’re so much thinner and pretty now!!”, “omg i only ate a little breakfast today what about you??”, “you look sickly, it’s kinda hot”) which shes NEVER done before but the thing that finally got me cut her off was when she asked me for “ed tips”. whatever that means anyways?
Image source: sozioleptiker, bluejeanimages / Envato
#6
I have multiple mental health issues and they’re so severe I’m disabled. And someone told me they wished I had cancer so I’d have something serious and hopefully shut up forever :(.
Image source: Rheasfantasy, Wavebreakmedia / Envato
Dealing with someone who is self-absorbed, entitled, and narcissistic is a nightmare. All they care about are their wants and needs, not anybody else’s well-being. To be clear, prioritizing your welfare isn’t wrong, so long as you balance it with the needs of your community.
As per Verywell Mind, some of the biggest red flags that an individual is overly self-centered include behaviors like these:
- Dominating conversations, with a focus on their problems and successes
- Lacking empathy and being unable to put themselves in other people’s shoes
- Taking more from their relationships than they give
- Being unwilling to compromise or do things someone else’s way
- Not taking responsibility for their actions
- Blaming others for anything bad that happens
- Always wanting to be the center of attention
#7
The walls of my former apartment were so water-damaged and contaminated with mold that I ended up in the hospital with respiratory issues and MCAS that have caused permanent damage. My cats got scary sick too. I had to find a new apartment, throw out nearly everything I owned (furniture, family heirlooms, notes from now-gone loved ones etc.) and thoroughly clean every inch of what I could clean and take with me, or they would bring the mold spores with them. What I couldn’t bear to throw out but couldn’t clean, I have locked up in air-tight storage containers in the basement. It took weeks of back-breaking work while I was still extremely ill, work I had to do mostly alone to not get anyone else sick, and it wiped out my savings. I lost 30+ lbs because I would cough until I vomited. While this was going on, I was told I might lose my (very niche) job due to budget cuts, found out I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (I had to figure it out myself while sick because my doctors weren’t listening, and I got it confirmed in April by a specialist), got dumped by my boyfriend, and nearly lost one of my best friends.
When I tried to express how stressful those months were, a colleague responded with, “Yeah, but didn’t you feel so much better, throwing out all that unwanted junk?”
I couldn’t seem to make her understand that it wasn’t a “spring cleaning”.
In case anyone wants to know how things turned out: I’ve been in the new place for a few months now, and my cats are healthier, I’m slowly recovering, my job is safe for at least one more year, and my friend is doing well. I also finally snapped out of denial, so my ex dumping me turned out to be the kindest thing he could have done, and I’m happier and less anxious without him. I’m also pursuing legal action against my former landlord and writing a book about it all.
Image source: Electrical-Still-558, LightFieldStudios / Envato
#8
So I was going through a really rough patch, right? Like, everything felt like it was falling apart. And this one person, I won’t name names, but you know the type, comes up to me, totally serious, and goes,
Well… maybe this is happening to teach you patience.” Like… what?? 😭 Bro, I don’t need a life lesson right now, I need a nap and a pizza.
Image source: jconn2010, drazenphoto / Envato
#9
Lifelong dog owner. Age 32, I laid on the floor with my deaf dog Stella while putting her down. Crying. I always made sure she could see me or feel the vibrations from my voice. The VET said, “What, haven’t you put down a dog before?” Yes, but not this one. Found another vet after that.
Image source: itsapenname, Chalabala / Envato
If you’re feeling social today, Pandas, we’d like to hear your thoughts in the comments at the bottom of this post. What is the very worst thing that someone has said to you when you were going through a particularly tough time in your life? Why do you think they said it? How did you react?
What do you do to live life with a bit more empathy? Let us know!
#10
My mother was a school counselor and I was depressed. I think I was in her office and there was even another person next to her, and she yelled at me angrily, “You better start talking to me [about it] or you’re coming to sit in my office everyday after school until you do!!”
Both my parents had psychology degrees and yet they acted like idiots when it came to raising their own children.
Image source: rosiestinkie9, evgeniya_grande / Envato
#11
Went to an elite boarding school. I have dyslexia so when I started struggling academically the first term, so I went to the learning center for help. I was told by the academic support teacher, “Put a skirt on, brush your hair, and you’ll do fine.”.
Image source: froggity55, valeriygoncharukphoto / Envato
#12
“Boys will be boys” from the MIL when I told her, her son cheated on me, whilst I was pregnant with his child.
Image source: Cazspresso, kryzhov / Envato
#13
I was depressed due to my epilepsy, finally confided in my wife. She told me “You know Gina, right?” (gina is her niece who was in a car accident and is paralyzed from waist down) “Gina has every reason to be depressed but she’s not.”
Thanks for dismissing how I feel.
I never confided in anyone again.
Image source: Tinferbrains, paegagz / Envato
#14
I found out in December that my partner of 18 years (spouse for 10) had been cheating on me the entirety of our relationship – and when I went home to my parents’ house to decompress, my step dad decided that was the perfect time to run down everything he thought I’d done wrong in the last thirty years, told me I was arrogant and needed to “humble myself,” and then told me I needed to leave because “if his cousin couldn’t stay here, then no family of my moms can stay at their house either.”
And here I thought I was his daughter, too, after 41 years.
Image source: DebDestroyerTX, Pressmaster / Envato
#15
You may be laying in the gutter’ but at least you’re looking at the stars.
I was homeless, sleeping outside during the autumn and winter months while working 3 jobs.
Image source: Gremdardrunkmask, RossHelen / Envato
#16
As a teen, I was adopted by a couple and they scammed me out of all my orphan benefit cheques. When I figured it out they had me suddenly kicked out. I was picked up from high school by a social worker with her van full of my belongings in garbage bags. I was in dumb shock and then just started sobbing.
She rolled her eyes and told me to knock it off.
Image source: heart_aflame, Mariela Ferbo
#17
A Maths teacher demanding to know why I failed a test so badly in front of all the students when I hadn’t been at the school to learn that particular subject in the test because I lost my dad. And whats worse, he knew that.
Boy did he get it from my mum and the Headmaster!
Image source: jlelvidge, Getty Images
#18
“Well you wouldn’t be depressed if you were a better christian and trusted god more”
I was 12 btw. Also no longer religious.
Image source: Always-Anxious-, Matteo Discardi / Unsplash
#19
I go to the doctor and I’m telling him all about how I’m so depressed and want to die. I’m at the point where every day is misery and my husband is deeply concerned.
He goes, “why don’t you try going on a holiday?”
Image source: Then_Culture2600, Vitaly Gariev
#20
My father began slapping me in the ER because he was convinced I was faking my symptoms to humiliate him. Turns out I had a stomach ulcer. At age 7.
I had a friend who was always very dismissive of this and told me repeatedly that I was likely perceiving it to be far, far worse than it really was because I’m too Westernized. Until one night this friend overheard a discussion with my mother over the phone and told me they finally believed me, but, in their defense, they “wanted to be the one with the worst family.”
So you were dismissing my pain for years because you were playing oppression Olympics with my experiences? The worst was that I was always readily available whenever they needed a sympathetic ear and I never dismissed anything. And the discussion with my mom really wasn’t that bad, I wouldn’t even put it in the top 40% of worst discussions.
Image source: cuntpunt2000, César Badilla Miranda
#21
I just came out of the hospital and my friend of 12 years turned around and basically said “you need to pull yourself together. I had a friend that has cancer. Your problems aren’t that bad”. Never blocked someone so fast in my life.
Image source: TreacleEmbarrassed47, Kateryna Hliznitsova
#22
My spouse herniated a disc in their back which required a spinal fusion of the C5/C6. They were out of work for several months as a result (physical labor) and finances were tight. While they were recovering, my mom asked if I would have lunch with her at a restaurant known for their large portions. At the end of the meal, I mentioned wanting to bring home some of the leftovers. She looked me straight in the eye and said “you’re always trying to take advantage of me, aren’t you.”
I paid for the meal and there were enough leftovers for us both to share. I’ll never forgot the look on her face, and we have not spoken in two years.
Image source: anon, Sasun Bughdaryan
#23
The first person I ever opened up to about my depression was my best friend at the time. His response “You’re not depressed, you don’t have anything to be depressed about.”
10 years later I was finally diagnosed with bipolar 2 and started medication and 6 years later I’m doing amazing. That friend is no longer in my life after being best friends for 18 years for an uncountable amount of reasons.
Image source: MuffinMan12347, Meg Aghamyan
#24
Had a physical check up as a part of a job interview process and they sent me to a doctor I had never been to before. She literally spent the whole half hour telling me i was so fat. She just kept repeating that and looked at me like she had never seen someone as fat as me before. I’ve always been on the big side but I was wearing a 1x at the time which is hardly a massive size.
I was so embarrassed and humiliated that I cried in my car after. .
Image source: Otherwise-Leek7926, Towfiqu barbhuiya
#25
“At least now they’re in a better place”. Will always be the wildest thing to me.
Image source: mandi723, Wesley Tingey
#26
Mine was that when the pet I had had for 10 years passed away, the most common thing I heard from other people was “when are you going to get another one?” .
Image source: anon, Dmytro Bukhantsov
#27
I told my older cousin that I was probably depressed. He told me “Really? Just go eat ice cream and watch TV for the next 6 hours.” I thought it was dumb. Here I am a year later, taking his advice. I saw it as wild at first, now I’m slowly giving in to it. Send help 🙏.
Image source: Old-Object3639, Houcine Ncib / Unsplash
#28
A ways into my 1st heartbreak, my best friend/roommate and I went to the grocery store. Before we got out of the car, I said to him that I was still hurting from the breakup. There was a pause, then he looked at me and started reciting the 1st half of Garth Brooks’s The Game. When he finished, we just stared at each other for a beat or 2. Then we lost it laughing. I hadn’t laughed like that in months. It was such a relief.
He has absolutely no recollection of that moment, and didn’t even know that he knew any parts of that song. This was 02, maybe 03.
I know this may not be the wildest thing, and it certainly wasn’t the toughest time anyone has ever had, but it was so random, so hilarious, and it really helped.
Image source: bdouble76, Yuvraj Singh
#29
My very senior dog had a sudden neurological event where he was paralyzed in the back legs. We went to an urgent care who sent us home on crate rest with meds. After a restless night, we gave him meds, but it wasn’t helping. Within the hour he was hot to the touch, struggling to breathe, and seemed like he had rigid paralysis/seizure(?), so we ran him to the only open urgent care. I realize I should’ve tried an ER but all of them were 30+ minutes away vs 5 minutes and I was afraid he wouldn’t make it. They took him back and the vet came out and said “Your dog is going to be brain damaged. You shouldn’t have brought him here.”
She transferred him to an ER sedated after that. We still don’t know what it was. Nobody had guesses for me. I called the first vet again and they never called back. I was told I could transfer him to a fourth vet clinic in 12 hours for an MRI ($5000) but that his temp had hit like 110F and he was indeed brain damaged to the point he wasn’t responsive or able to move, so we’d still have to put him to sleep. It’s haunted me this whole past year. He was almost 17 years old. We ran bloodwork while we waited to put him to sleep and all of it came back normal.
Image source: Kitsunejade, Getty Images / Unsplash
#30
While a friend talked about how upset she was that she lost her mum to cancer, one of our mutuals decided to tell us how his mum is responding really well to treatment.
Image source: dazedan_confused, Getty Images
#31
I was out with my friends one night for a going away party (one of them was moving to Germany). I was one drink in, and I get a message from my bf at the time telling me that my dog couldn’t walk and maybe she fell down the stairs. He was a very insecure man and said “I’m here taking care of your dog and you’re just out partying and drinking”. I was already in an uber home when he said that. I got home and stayed up with her all night until we could get to a vet in the morning. I went to the vet, and she had broken her spine. It was a $17,000 surgery with a 25% chance of it working. The other option was to put her down, it was the hardest decision of my life – but I knew she wouldn’t be happy if she couldn’t run around. A month after we put her down my bf at the time said to me during a fight “why are we even together anymore, Fran was the only reason I stuck around”. I stayed with him a year after that, still don’t know what happened to her while I was gone for an hour….
Image source: snugglen
#32
Probably about 3-4 years ago, me and my gf had an argument about money.. My parents had asked to borrow money from me (I never tell them no) and she said “But its OUR money” and I told her “we aren’t married and my money is my money like your money is your money” and she slapped me so hard
I just left the house to stay at a friends for awhile and they were drinking.. I decided to join them and told them all that happened but was getting angrier and angrier the more I talked about it and one of my friends said “If you wanna hit someone! HIT ME!” and I didn’t even hesitate, I got up and slammed him out
When he woke up like 20-30 mins later the first thing he said to me was “Do you feel better?” And we all just laughed 😂.
Image source: ZeroThoughtsAlot
#33
“You’ll be rewarded for your sacrifice, so be happy.”
Sure! No problem being happy while sacrificing my health, money, time, interests, marriage, and family time, just so I can drive an hour to and from wiping someone’s ungrateful behind when I leave work. Joy! Joy! Joy! 🙄
Yes, I care about the person, but I’m human, and this is hard. I need to feel what I feel. 😭😭.
Image source: Alltheprettydresses
#34
An old friend popped up out of the blue and compared in detail, my brick and mortar business to her instagram page with 400 followers she just started.
Image source: SantalabsLilHelper
#35
I was ~25 and about to move in with a boy for the first time. I was freaking out about how my dad was Very Against Cohabitation Before Marriage ™ and how he’d told me he wouldn’t pay for any wedding if I lived with a man before we married.
All of my coworkers at the time were in their 40s/50s and the ones I was closest with kept reassuring me that it would all be okay and my dad loved me very much even if I upset him.
Then a woman who treated me like a child the entire time we were on the same team came around the corner and told this story about how her grown daughter, a few days before her wedding, was about to leave her parents’ house to sleep at the apartment she’d gotten with her soon-to-be husband and my coworker flipped out telling her things like “I GUESS WE DON’T EVEN NEED A WEDDING” and “I GUESS WE’LL JUST CANCEL EVERYTHING BECAUSE WHAT’S THE POINT IF YOU’RE LIVING IN SIN ALREADY.”
Basically everything I was freaking out about, she threatened to do to her daughter (who turned around and slept at home rather than continue the argument).
It’s been over twenty years since that day and I still think about how strange it was that she thought telling that story would be helpful to my situation in any way.
Image source: Sufficient_Drama_145
#36
I was in a hospital bed, arms stitched up, loads of stitches, bandaged up and at one of my lowest points, and my step Dad just went “I don’t see the point, mental health isn’t a thing”.
Image source: Ulfgeirr88
#37
I was in the hospital with severe corneal trauma, and had completely lost my eyesight. I had literally just learned that I would never ever see again. My best friend says, “Well just think about Helen Keller. It could always be worse.”
😑.
Image source: DefinitelyNotMaranda
#38
My aunt once called a mental health crisis hotline type number and was told to “look at the trees.” As if seeing a leaf would instantly cure her depression and trauma.
Image source: ShiraCheshire
#39
During an ugly divorce.
My brother- You have your life, I have mine
My sister- Don’t come asking me for money.
Haven’t spoken to either of them for 18 years because of it.
Image source: Ska-dancer-66
#40
“I hope God doesn’t have to bring you to your knees in order to bring you back to him. If you’re not careful, sometimes that’s what it takes, so don’t let it get that far.”
I was a struggling college student who was grappling with questions of faith and had basically realized that I’m an atheist after being a Christian all my life. The guilt and shame were overwhelming, as was the new-ish experience of forging my own path. I was taking 14-18 credit hours of classes per semester while also working 2-3 part time jobs at any given time so I could pay my bills at 20 years old (I’m almost 40 now; sorry 20-year-olds, but you’re still kids for all intents and purposes, and so was I). I was stressed to the max, grieving my faith, wrestling with residual shame, anxious, riddled with self-doubt and emotional dysregulation partly due to undiagnosed ADHD, and yeah.
My own father decided to tell me that somewhat gleefully. The words themselves aren’t the worst ever. It was the tone, the clear self-righteousness from someone who *wanted* me to suffer so that I might decide to share his beliefs once again. As if I didn’t have enough cognitive dissonance with which to contend.
Image source: PatheticPeripatetic7
#41
When I told someone I’d lost my husband they said they knew how I felt because they’d lost their cat.
Image source: Diesel1donna
#42
I was chronically ill and bedridden for two years when my husbands aunt called me. When I asked how she was doing she rambled on about how wonderful and healthy she was and how she’s the healthiest person she knows and how it makes life wonderful and how she was in awe that everyone around her seemed to have failing health but her. She giggled with delight and laughed while telling me this. I told her she was rude and what she just said was akin to describing your gourmet meal to a starving poor person. It’s one thing to say she was doing great and felt good but she went on about it for 30 minutes. It was disgraceful. She’s like that with everything though. Everything she has is better than everyone else’s, even her health. Sad thing is she was 100 pounds overweight and had not been to a doctor in years and refused to go.
Image source: theregretsivehad
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