Losing a loved one can put your entire life on hold. Suddenly, nothing makes sense, and even the simplest of tasks require an immense amount of strength. Grief is overwhelming and all-encompassing. So it’s important for everyone struggling with a significant loss to have a strong support system.
But when one woman tragically lost her husband, she found herself having to deal with a mother-in-law who has always made it clear that she doesn’t like her. Below, you’ll find the full story that she shared on Reddit detailing the nasty messages she found on her late husband’s phone, as well as some of the replies concerned readers shared.
This woman’s mother-in-law has always made it clear that she doesn’t like her
Image credits: aetb / envato (not the actual photo)
But after losing her husband, she found out just how deep her mother-in-law’s hatred went
Image credits: Pressmaster / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: littlepixiee
Grief is overwhelming and often causes us to behave in ways that we wouldn’t normally
It’s hard to imagine the pain that both women in this story are experiencing. Losing a spouse and losing a child are horrific nightmares that no one ever wants to experience, as both are unexpected and extremely painful to process.
Cruse Bereavement Support notes that grief typically begins with shock and numbness. It can take a while to fully understand that your life has been turned upside down and will never be the same again. But once reality sets in, the pain often hits extremely hard. It may feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself or that you no longer know where your place in the world is.
Alongside the pain, it’s normal to feel some anger as well. After a significant loss, it’s understandable to feel like it’s not fair or to try to blame someone or something for what happened. But in looking for someone to point the finger at, you might even start to blame yourself. It’s common to feel guilt as well, as many people tell themselves that they could have done something differently to prevent this tragic outcome.
Unfortunately, grief is also often accompanied by depression. It can feel like life is meaningless without your loved one, and you may struggle to find purpose in anything. If this happens, it’s important to seek help. No one should experience bereavement without support.
And some people even experience physical symptoms while grieving, as the pain can be so powerful that it actually manifests in physical ailments. Or, you might begin “seeing” and hearing your loved one, as your brain is working on processing the fact that they’re no longer with you.
Understandably, many people won’t be acting like themselves when grieving. It’s not a normal situation to be in, so it’s expected for individuals to be behaving differently than usual. However, in this specific situation, it sounds like the woman’s mother-in-law has had it out for her for years. And unsurprisingly, this is not an uncommon issue.
Many mothers project their own issues and insecurities onto their daughter-in-laws
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
According to a study conducted by psychologist Terri Apter, a whopping 60% of married women admit that their relationship with their mother-in-law causes them long-term unhappiness and stress.
But as far as why so many mothers don’t want to be friends with their daughter-in-laws, Apter says it’s because they’re both competing for the same position in the family: primary woman. “Each tries to establish or protect their status. Each feels threatened by the other,” she writes in her book What Do You Want From Me?
Some theorize that these bitter mother-in-laws are actually just jealous and don’t know how to channel their frustration. “She may not realize that she hates herself, but that’s often what it is,” TikToker @heyjanellemarie says in a video.
“It could be anything: She hates the way that you feel empowered to say no to things that you don’t like. She hates the way that you have such a good job and she never had that,” Janelle continues. “She hates the way that her son treats you so well, and she never had that in her own partnership in her marriage.”
As frustrating as it can be to have a mother-in-law who you just can’t get along with, sometimes, you just have to remind yourself that you’re not the problem. And you didn’t do anything to trigger her hatred.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How would you react if you were in this woman’s shoes? Then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article featuring similar family drama, look no further than right here.
Readers left supportive messages for the author and encouraged her to stay as far away from her mother-in-law as possible
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