Being a new mom can be an isolating experience filled with lots of dirty diapers, not much adult conversation, and very little sleep. Finding other parents in the same boat as you can sometimes feel like hitting the jackpot. You get to hang out and commiserate, while the babies get to play. It’s a win-win for all.
A woman has shared how she and her neighbor were pregnant at the same time, leading to the birth of a brand new friendship. But once the babies arrived, the neighbor started withdrawing, most likely because she was “overwhelmed as a first time mom.” Things took a wild turn when said neighbor accused the woman of pursuing her husband. But things really escalated when the ugly truth emerged.
It began as an innocent ‘playdate’ between two neighbors and their young kids
Image credits: Gustavo Fring / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It ended with accusations, lies, the truth and a violent episode that left many shocked
Image credits: Daniel Thomas / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The wife dropped a bombshell when she revealed that her husband had recently had an affair
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“Plot twist”: She revealed more about her husband’s infidelity, and some netizens smelled a rat
Many believed that her husband was gaslighting her and some advised her to stay away from the neighbors altogether
Some felt the wife was wrong for inviting a married man over alone
“He hit me, kicked me, punched me”: Things took a terrible turn after she checked their doorbell camera history
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She then revealed that her husband was out on bail
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Here’s why some cheaters flip the script when they’re the ones at fault
Some cheaters will come clean. Others will go to the ends of the earth to cover their tracks, even if this means turning the tables and accusing their partner of having an affair. Call it gaslighting, projecting or flipping the script, either way, they’re well aware that they are in the wrong and have resorted to lying to manipulate the situation.
“Cheaters gaslight because they dont want their spouse to know what they are doing, or to try and stop it,” explains Robert Weiss, a psychotherapist and Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity Treatment Centers. “So they lie and keep secrets, and if/when their partner catches on and confronts them, they deny, make excuses, tell more lies, and do whatever else they can do to convince their partner that she (or he) is the issue, that her (or his) emotional and psychological reactions are the cause of rather than the result of problems in the relationship.”
Weiss, who is an expert in the treatment of adult intimacy disorders has seen this play out many times during the course of his career. The author of Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating says that even the smartest people aren’t immune to falling victim to gaslighting.
“In large part, betrayed partners’ willingness to believe even the most outrageous lies (and to internalize blame for things that are clearly not their fault) stems from the fact that gaslighting starts slowly and builds gradually over time,” Weiss explains. “It’s like placing a frog in a pot of warm water that is then set to boil. Because the temperature increases only slowly and incrementally, the innocent frog never even realizes its being cooked.”
Weiss warns that often, a cheater’s lies will sound plausible in the beginning. They might apologize for getting home at midnight, claiming they’re working on a very exciting project and lost track of time. But as the cheating heats up, so do the lies.
Over time, says Weiss, betrayed partners become so used to the “excuses” that they may not even notice something is very off. “Even utterly ridiculous fabrications start to seem realistic,” notes the expert. “So instead of questioning the cheater, a betrayed and psychologically abused partner will simply question herself (or himself).”
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“An especially dangerous mix”: an expert’s warning when it comes to gaslighting and infidelity
Wayne Baker, a Licensed Professional Counselor and member of the Affair Recovery Expert Panel warns that gaslighting and infidelity can form an especially dangerous mix.
“Infidelity on its own can leave the betrayed spouse struggling deeply with anguishing feelings of inadequacy and fear, hurt, rage, and grief,” says Baker. “This continual state of despair coupled with gaslighting can be mentally exhausting and very damaging.”
The expert explains that the stress and anxiety from living with somebody that’s repeatedly gaslighting you can be more harmful than many realize. Insomnia, nightmares, weight changes, and other stress-related illnesses may manifest.
He adds that awareness and understanding are crucial for healing and prevention.
“No one – no one – deserves to be in a relationship where their impression of reality is constantly being questioned or where trust is repeatedly broken,” Baker says. “Everyone has the right to love, connect, respect, and be free from manipulation and betrayal.”
Many felt the entire situation was “heartbreaking”
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