Losing someone you love can be very painful, and even after years have passed, the person might still hold onto the memories they have of the deceased. It’s definitely hard to move on, and special mementos might make a person feel like they are still connected to their lost loved one.
This is what a newly married woman realized when she discovered that her husband had brought his late girlfriend’s ashes on their honeymoon. Even though she had been respectful of his grief before, she felt that he was taking things too far.
More info: Reddit
A honeymoon is the start of a couple’s new journey together, but it can go haywire if both people aren’t on the same page
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The poster shared that her husband had lost his previous girlfriend to cancer about six years ago, which is why he wore a necklace with some of her ashes
Image credits: Vanessa Garcia / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Even though the woman respected her husband’s grief process, she was shocked when he brought his late ex’s ashes on their honeymoon
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The poster felt that by bringing the ashes along, the man was bringing another woman with them on a trip meant to celebrate their love
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The woman asked her husband to sleep in the car because she needed space to process the situation, but he felt she was overreacting
The poster obviously knew what she was in for when she decided to get married to her boyfriend. He had been grieving his ex-girlfriend for years, and obviously struggled to move on because of the traumatic nature of her death. Keeping her ashes with him meant that she was along for everything that he did.
As most counsellors state, the grieving process looks different for everybody, and people must find their own way to cope with the loss. There is no right length of time to grieve and no right way to do it either, even if the process might not seem acceptable to someone looking on from the outside.
The OP understood this, which is why she gave her partner the space to express his loss by carrying around the necklace. She was shocked, though, when he brought it along on their honeymoon, as he justified his actions by saying that he always took his late girlfriend to places that were special to him.
For the poster, it must have been hurtful to know that her husband was also paying homage to his dead girlfriend on their honeymoon. Despite that, grief experts state that wearing, carrying, or travelling with a lost loved one’s ashes is perfectly normal and that it’s not something that should be shut down.
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The OP didn’t know how to handle this bizarre situation, and she was baffled by her husband’s nonchalance regarding it. So, she decided to take a bit of space to think over the issue, and asked him to sleep in the car while she did that. Obviously, it created a slight rift between them, because both partners felt misunderstood.
When someone is dating or in a relationship with a widower, it’s important to understand that, in reality, there is no competition. Just because the individual talks about their lost loved one or honors them, doesn’t mean that they are dividing their love in any way. Although this might be tough to accept, it will help create a sense of balance and trust in the relationship.
The poster wasn’t able to deal with her insecurities about her husband’s ash-filled necklace. She felt that it was inappropriate for him to have brought his late girlfriend along, even if it was just in spirit. These thoughts made her feel guilty, and she didn’t know what to do about them.
The best thing to do in situations like this is to keep your jealousy or resentment about your partner’s late loved one aside. When they are expressing their love for the deceased, instead of shutting them down, you can tell them that you need to know whether they feel the same way about you. This will help clear any fear or doubts about their feelings being divided.
The woman tried to set boundaries with her husband in this situation, but it might have unintentionally made him feel bad. What would you have done if you were in her place? Do share your honest thoughts in the comments below.
People sided with the woman and felt that what her husband had done was a major red flag
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