Last winter, Deandre Ayton missed several NBA games, citing icy roads in Portland. Well, the center now lives in California, so he’ll probably have to come up with other excuses to skip games. However, compared to many employees who want to skip a work day, Ayton seems pretty unassuming.
As it turns out, there are a huge number of reasons why employees might miss work – and, interestingly, sometimes these reasons even turn out to be true. So now, welcome to today’s selection of amusing and truly hilarious workers’ stories made for you by Bored Panda!
More info: Reddit
#1
Ages and ages ago I worked at Walmart stocking groceries. One day I was just worn out so I called in and told them that I had apathy.
My supervisor, who wasn’t terribly bright, didn’t miss a beat. He told me to rest up and be back tomorrow.
The next day, his boss came over to me and said, “I’m going to let that apathy thing slide because it was hilarious, but don’t ever do it again.”.
Image source: Mcsmack, freepik
#2
Decades ago, had a shift runner for a pizza chain I managed in a large city just no call no show for 4 days. He came in to turn in his uniform knowing he missed shifts thinking he was fired. He was a medium height super quiet fireplug of a guy. He was 24yo, grew up in d**g infested projects, had a wife and two little girls. Super responsible otherwise for like a year. The only thing he said was a few yrs ago he borrowed some money from a guy he came up with when he was out of work. He paid him back but still owed the guy who was like upper management in a regional d**g heirarchy. Anyway, he said he couldn’t tell me and understood if I had to fire him. I didn’t and this guy was on time like always and eventually became a store manager and moved his young family into a decent part of the city. I left the company and area not long after he got promoted. But it taught me how unreal hard it is to rise out of those situations as there’s always tentacles trying to pull u back. It’s been 35 yrs and I still think about that guy, know his name and I hope he’s doing well amd has a bunch of grandkids!
Image source: ildadof3, Mizuno K
#3
I used to manage a small team at an IT helpdesk. One morning, my most punctual, reliable employee didn’t show up. He calls me two hours into his shift, sounding genuinely panicked.
“I am so sorry. I can’t come in today. I’m trapped.”
Me: “Trapped? What do you mean, trapped? Is everything okay?”
Him: “Yes, I’m fine, but… there’s a moose on my porch, and it’s been sleeping in front of my door for three hours. I can’t get out.”
I was completely silent, trying to process if this was an elaborate prank. I just told him to keep me updated.
An hour later, he emailed me a picture from his upstairs window. There, magnificently and absurdly, was a full-grown moose, curled up and fast asleep on his front steps like a giant, antlered dog.
It’s the only time in my career I’ve had to log “Act of Moose” as the official reason for an absence.
Image source: InnerObligation2676, EyeEm
#4
I emailed the office that I wouldn’t be in for a few days because my (then) wife had had our son – in the front seat of my car on the side of the turnpike. (They knew he was due any day, and we were actually on the way to the hospital, he just came faster than we expected.)
I got an email back from a coworker with a link to a local news article saying, “I thought I recognized your car!” :D.
Image source: throwaway47138, wavebreakmedia_micro
#5
Colleague rang my boss one morning after a rather important football match.
“Boss, what would happen if I came into work drunk?”
“You’d be fired.”
“Right boss, what would happen if I rang in and said I couldn’t come in because I was drunk?”
“You’d get a written warning.”
“OK, ok boss. What would happen if I didn’t come in today but didn’t give you a reason?”
“A verbal warning.”
“Cheers boss, I’ll take that.”.
Image source: Active-Strawberry-37, syda_productions
#6
I once got to work and then got a panicked call from my dad that I needed to come back to my house immediately because he was stuck. He refused to provide more details. I let my boss know I would hopefully be back, but I’d keep her posted. I was worried because a few months prior he had been in his backyard trying to practice karate moves on an old tree and when he kicked it the rotten thing fell on top of him. He couldn’t reach his phone when that happened and spent about an hour trying to wiggle out of his pants so he could escape. I was assuming a similar situation may have occurred.
I rushed back to my home to find out he had decided he wanted to come over and cut down tree limbs while I was gone. He decided to use a ladder to climb up on the shed roof so he had more area to work with. The only problem was he also brought my sister’s dog with him who promptly knocked over the ladder as soon as he got up there.
Image source: Pearl725, cookie_studio
#7
My husband’s colleague called in because he was too fat to get into his work trousers. He’d been on an all inclusive holiday for two weeks, came home and couldn’t get his trousers up. His boss made him come in (in his holiday shorts) and agreed that he did look a lot bigger and so gave him a few days off whilst they ordered new trousers for him. He had apparently gained 18lb in two weeks.
Image source: FruitChute, pvproductions
#8
My grandparents had a medical emergency years ago where one got stuck on the toilet and when the other tried to help they fell and knocked themselves unconscious. My employer demanded details and didn’t believe me because it sounded like an SNL skit.
Image source: Sea_Accident_6138, pressfoto
#9
My wife called me from home while I was at work one day. I asked her why she was home instead of at work and she said, “I called in sick”
I asked her what was wrong. She replied “There’s a big bug by the door.”
We lived in garden apartment with only one entrance. And she couldn’t get out because of the bug.
I told her to step on it. She was too afraid. I told her to sic our Jack Russell on it. *She*(the dog) was definitely not afraid of bugs.
So that’s what she did. She took the dog over to it, pointed it out, and the dog went over to it, sniffed it and walked away.
Upon further examination it turned out the “bug” was actualy just a ball of loose thread.
These are the dangers of not wearing your glasses, I guess.
Image source: Adddicus, wirestock
#10
A plane landed on the expressway preventing traffic from using the road.
Image source: 2thecorAY, EyeEm
#11
Not work, but a college class with a pretty strict attendance policy – I delivered a message to the professor that my friend couldn’t come that day because “she thought one of her guppies might give birth”.
To prevent cannibalism the recommendation was to separate the babies from the adults asap; prof. accepted this as an excused absence lol. .
Image source: InannasPocket, wirestock
#12
They dropped a frozen turkey on their bare foot.
Image source: Less_Instruction_345, RDNE Stock project
#13
Years ago during the mob wars in St Louis we had a girl calling into work saying that she was behind a car that blew up on the highway. She was a known exaggerator so we laughed it off.
Turned out it was true.
Image source: TahoeBunny, EyeEm
#14
One of my daughter’s Primary School Teachers had to take a day off because her Beagle had climbed onto the roof of her house…
Again.
Image source: grudthak, Ornery_Blackberry_31
#15
“Forgot to change my clock for daylight savings”.
We had this guy who would always be one hour late to work on the Monday after we change the clocks.
But the guy was an idiot: He’d pull this excuse when we roll-back as well as when we roll-forward.
By that logic, you’d be an hour EARLY one day a year, and an hour late one day a year.
Image source: whomp1970, freepik
#16
Flushed my car key down the toilet.
It was me, and I certainly did.
Image source: waterbottlejesus, freepik
#17
I once heard a coworker called in Sunburnt.
Weird, but to be fair, she was VERY light skinned so I imagine it was pretty bad.
Image source: wantahippo4christmas, freepik
#18
A colleague emailed me to tell me he’d be out of town and unable to review the materials I sent him. I was frustrated because I work in print publishing, and deadlines really don’t care about your vacation. Checked in with another colleague to see if he agreed that I should follow up with him by phone regardless.
It turns out he was not just “out of town” — he was in ANTARCTICA doing research.
Image source: porcelina-g, haveseen 1
#19
I called out once because there was a scorpion in my bed that stung me 10+ times and I was in an helicopter being med-evac’d.
Called out once because a pack of javelina were encircling my car.
Called out once because there was a mama cougar hanging out on my back wall w a baby on the ground.
Called out once because a saguaro fell over onto my house and I had to prove to the feds that I didn’t knock it over.
Called out on two separate occasions because I got stuck in a hurricane and “missed” my flight home.
Called out once because I was helping rescue a friend’s horses from a wild fire that was moving toward their ranch.
I think that’s pretty much it for my wild excuses. I don’t really get sick so I don’t call out unless I REALLY can’t get to work 😂.
Image source: hotanduncomfortable, kuritafsheen77
#20
They couldn’t come in because their neighbor’s dog ate their car keys.
Image source: curvynsluttyxo, EyeEm
#21
One guy said he couldn’t come in because his goldfish was depressed… and he needed to ‘be there emotionally.
Image source: frncsva13, imsogabriel Stock
#22
Back in my retail days one girl didn’t show up so we called her and she said “I forgot that I worked there” (as in forgot they worked for our store, not forgot they worked that day). It was the most insane excuse I’d ever heard as a manager. She’d worked with us for like 3 weeks. I just she ‘forgot’ forever because she never came back.
Image source: Just-why-2715, splitov27
#23
The person’s over-head garage door remote wasn’t working.
Yes, they were aware that they can manually open the garage, however, that wasn’t necessary bc their car wasn’t parked in the garage.
But the repair guy was coming to fix the remote. So they had to be there for that work.
Image source: DistinctCustomer4936, freepik
#24
A coworker was “no-call, no show” for his shift. He’d been having emotional issues so our department manager attempted to call him numerous times. After no response he checked his home and then requested a wellness check from the local PD. No sign of him. A couple of hours later the coworker called to say that his mother had died. A couple of hours after that he called back to say that she hadn’t actually died, he’d made a mistake. That was the last time anyone heard from him.
#25
One girl said she got lost on her way to work and ended up in a different state.
Image source: won1wordtoo, freepik
#26
It was opening day of the school year, and I was in our home office typing up my Classroom Expectations. Suddenly I felt something on my head accompanied by a high pitched scream. It was a frickin bat entangled in my hair. My husband somehow got it out of my hair while I collapsed on to the floor, trying to breathe from the sheer panic. After a half hour of trying to compose myself, I called our principal and told him what had happened and that I would be late as my nerves had to settle down before I would be able to drive the 1.5 hour commute. When I arrived in time for my 3rd period class of nervous, brand new freshmen and told them why I was late, the looks on their faces were memorable.
Image source: PerfectIndication792, James Wainscoat
#27
A guy I worked with in retail 15 years ago called in to say he had a nightmare and didn’t think he’d be able to get back to sleep/come in to work 5 hours later.
Image source: dennisbauls6, prostock-studio
#28
An employee who rang in saying he couldn’t come in because his dog had pissed in his shoe and he only had one pair.
Image source: Living_Variation_578, freepik
#29
My sister was a school teacher and called in saying that she was feeling too well to come to work, but she was starting to feel worse so likely would be in the next day. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t renew her contract.
Image source: nonsense39, freepik
#30
At a landscape company.
“I don’t have a clean shirt.”.
Image source: Caf_Goodness, mistergotjj
#31
A guy that spoke broken English told my boss “I can’t work, you have hemorrhoids”
We got the message lmao.
Image source: Excellent-Metal-3294, freepik
#32
I had a friend call in and put a towel on the phone. He said he had been abducted and put in a car trunk.
Image source: darkhorsegt, EyeEm
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