If age is just a number, then a prison cell is just a room. When they say that hangovers get worse after your mid-twenties, they’re not lying. Because, heck, they do, and a few bevvies can take a day to recover and two pills of Ibuprofen to get that clapping monkey with cymbals out of one’s head.
Do you know what is even less fun? Turning 30. By 30, you’re expected to have a house, two children and to have seen the Taj Mahal. Oh, and about 50 grand in your savings account. I know you’ve come here to read jokes about turning 30, but turning 30 is a joke in itself.
Okay, okay, it’s not THAT bad. Well, perhaps your knees and back don’t feel like they were when you were 18, but yakno, it’s bearable. So whether you’re looking for turning 30 jokes, funny birthday puns for a friend who’s turning 30 soon, or just want to laugh at yourself, you’ve come to the right place.
Below, we’ve compiled a lengthy list of 30th birthday jokes, jokes about getting old(er), and just witty adult jokes. Take a look at the funny jokes we have gathered, and let us know if any made you crack a smile! And show off those pearly whites more often while you still have them *winking face*.
P.S. if you’re looking for funny birthday wishes, we got you covered!
#1 Adulting Hits Different
“I’m 30, but I still feel like I’m 20 until I hang out with 20-year-olds. Then I’m like, no, never mind, I’m 30.”
#2 Time flies, but I’m stuck in the 90s
” When someone says ‘10 years ago,’ I think about the 90s, not the 2013.”
#3 Welcome to Adulthood, Apparently
“Welcome to 30! From now on, if you get pregnant, people will assume you did it on purpose.”
#4 Adulting Hack: More Cash, Same Chaos
“As long you don’t have kids your 30’s are like your 20s but with money.”
#5 That Moment Aging Strikes Back
One day she noticed a gray hair in her bangs. She turned to her husband, pointed to her forehead, and said, ‘Have you seen this?’ ‘What? You mean the wrinkles?’”
#6 Forever 18, Just More Confused
“Inside every 30-year-old is an 18-year-old asking, ‘What happened?’”
#7 Adulting Level: Questionable
“Welcome to 30! The age when you should know better, but really don’t!”
#8 Forever Young, Forever Silly
“You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.”
#9 Adulting Level: Ibuprofen for Breakfast
“Welcome to your 30! Ibuprofen is an acceptable breakfast.”
#10 Glow-up or breakdown?
“Me in my 20s: Secretaly hates everyone.
Me in my 30s: Publicly hates everyone.”
#11 The Age Where I Just Don’t Care
“I finally reached the perfect age. Somewhere between 29 years and none of your business!”
#12 Aging Like Fine Sarcasm
“I’m oficially ‘You look good for your age’ years old.”
#13 Shots fired, literally
“The chanting of ‘Shots!’ sounds more threatening than exciting.”
#14 Adulting Level: Actually Just Starting
“How can you say we are old after 30? We just became women! Like anyone took us seriously in our 20s…”
#15 When Your Teen Closet Becomes Retro Gold
“The clothes you wore as a teenager are now vintage. Hope you rock that vintage style.”
#16 Dwight’s Age Truth Bomb
“Turning 30? Age is just a number!”
” False: Age is a word.” – Dwight Schrute
#17 Welcome to the Sleep Debt Era
“Your 30s – where if you don’t get 8 hours of sleep one night you’ll pay for it for a week.”
#18 Well, That Trust Ship Sailed
“You’ll never be trusted by a teenager again. You’re officially too old to trust.”
#19 Late night binge, no regrets
“It’s 8:30 p.m. and you want to start a movie this late?”
#20 Aging Like Fine Procrastination
“Don’t worry about being 30. You’ll get over it within a decade.”
#21 Adulting: Win the day, lose the joints
“Your life might finally be together, but your body is falling apart.”
#22 New Season, Who Dis?
“Season 30, episode 1.”
#23 Mind-Blown By Timeline Flexibility
“Welcome to the age your childhood self couldn’t even fathom.”
#24 Adulting Level: Gas and Brake
“When you turn 21 you finally experience the freedom of full throttle. If you make it to 30, it means you’ve discovered there’s a brake pedal too.”
#25 Welcome to the Quarter-Life Crisis Club
“30 isn’t old. Depressing, but not old.”
#26 Almost 30, Budget Edition
“I’m not 30. I’m only $29.95 plus tax.”
#27 Plot Twist: The Grind Just Started
“Congratulations on reaching Level Thirty! You might want to save your progress – it gets waaaay harder from here.”
#28 Welcome to the Parent Club
“When you turn 30, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.”
#29 Plot twist: your body’s a drama queen
“It’s true — your body will start hurting in places you didn’t know possible.”
#30 Late Bloomer, Early Chef Vibes
“I was thirty-two when I started cooking. Up until then, I just ate.”
#31 Adulting Perks: Still Young Enough to Flirt
“Getting carded is a compliment. It used to be a nuisance. Now it might as well be a pickup line.”
#32 Adulting hits different, huh?
“30: when stuff your mom said starts to make sense.”
#33 Adulting with extra style points
“You’re not like a regular 30 year old… you’re a cool 30 year old.”
#34 Welcome to the Never-Ending 30s Club
“Don’t worry about turning 30. You’ll get used to it. Of course, you’ll be 40 by then.”
#35 Forever stuck in middle school vibes
“Looks 18. Acts 12. That makes me 30!”
#36 The 30s Glow-Up, No Filter Needed
“Life not only begins at 30, it begins to show.”
#37 When Growing Up Means Looking Down
“I remember the good old days when I was 30, and all my kids were shorter than me.” – Melanie White
#38 Self-Care Level: Rockstar
“‘You’re still a rockstar,’ I whisper to myself as I take my multivitamin and climb into bed at 21:45.”
#39 Still got that glow-up energy
“In your 20s, you learned a lot, grew as a person, and had tons of fun. Now in 30s keep that stuff up.”
#40 Time to Face the 40 Truths
“After your 30th birthday, you are officially closer to 40 than you are to 20.”
#41 Adulting Perks: Cheap Wine, Who Dis?
“Turning 30? The good news is you can now afford the $10 bottle of wine.”
#42 Adulting Perks You Didn’t Expect
“Being 30 isn’t so bad. At least your car insurance premiums go down.”
#43 The Best Age Privileges
“Turning 30? Look on the bright side. You’re still too young to be president.”
#44 Well, This Aging Thing Escalated Fast
“The countdown to your mid-life crisis has officially begun.”
#45 Finally Adulting, But Make It Chill
“At 30 you finally start to catch up on those dreams you’ve been chasing for the last 10 years.”
#46 Welcome to Your 30s: The Identity Crisis Edition
“30 is that age where your mind still thinks you’re 29, your humor suggests you’re 12 while your body mostly keeps asking if you’re sure you’re not dead yet.”
#47 Countdown to 30 and Still Single
“People are like, ‘I’m engaged!’ ‘I’m getting married!’ and I’m like, ‘Damn, I’m turning 30!’”
#48 Adulting Level: Still Confused
“30 is the new 20*”
*said no one ever.
#49 Rules Are Overrated
“The only drinking game you play is ‘Take a Sip Whenever You Damn Well Please.’”
#50 Aging Like Fine Pixels
“Vintage 1992, aged to perfection.”
#51 Aging Like a Boss, Kinda
“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
#52 Small wins, big vibes
“One good thing about turning 30: you’re not turning 40.”
#53 Stuck Between Trends and Alarms
“Too old for TikTok, too young for Life Alert.”
#54 Death really can wait, huh?
“The epitaphs on tombstones of a great many people should read: died at thirty, and buried at sixty.”
#55 Finally, a legit excuse to boss around
“Congratulations, you now have 30 excuses to let someone younger than you lift something heavy.”
#56 Thirty and thriving, time’s new VIP
“Time and tide wait for no one, but time always stops for a woman of thirty.”
#57 Swipe left unless you’re serious
“Dating after 30 is like ‘Are we doing this or not? I have stuff to do.'”
#58 My body’s doing its own thing now
“After 30, a body has a mind of its own.”
#59 30 And Already Counting Down
“Happy 30th Birthday, only 35 more years of working, and you can retire.”
#60 Peak bedtime energy, apparently
“Yes, 10:00 p.m. is just too late now.”
#61 Plot Twist: Weekend’s Shrinking Again
“Thursday is no longer part of the weekend.”
#62 Classic rebel energy
“Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway!”
#63 Midlife Perks Are Real
“Your 30s – one year closer to having dinner at 5pm.”
#64 Adulting unlocked: level 30 achieved
“Look on the bright side, at least you don’t have to dread turning 30 anymore.”
#65 Budgeting for birthday vibes
“I wanted to get you a birthday cake, but I couldn’t afford that many candles!”
#66 Welcome to the Thirties Club
“Nothing changes when you cross thirty, except that you have to replace your moisturizer with anti-aging cream.”
#67 Guess I’m Doomed After 30
“Life before 30 is for making mistakes, and life after 30, is to repent for all of them.”
#68 Forever 28, Seriously Though
“You’re turning 29 again?! You freak of nature.”
#69 Aging: Now With Extra Fees
“I’ve decided I’m not old. I’m 25 plus shipping and handling.”
#70 Adulting’s prankster phase
“Being 30 years old is not a joke, but it can be a lot of laughs.”
#71 Sleep: The Real Happy Hour
“30s… when ‘happy hour’ is a nap!”
#72 Aging Gracefully, Kinda
“Relax, your 30s are just like your 20s, except you look 10 years older, and everything is a little less fun.”
#73 Goodbye, Naive Years
“May your 20s rest in perfect peace.”
#74 Welcome to adulting, kinda
“Turning thirty is the moment when you are old enough to understand life’s bigger responsibilities but young enough to shirk some of them while you still can.”
#75 Adulting Level: Plot Twist Ahead
“Thinking about turning 30 seemed like a fairy tale when we were kids.”
#76 Thirty? Still the same, just winded
“After turned 30 you not feel any different now that I am 30 years old, maybe a little bit more breathless after turning off all my candles.”
#77 Aging Like Fine Whiskey Noise
The sound you make after drinking whiskey at 22: “Gackerbleck.”
The sound you make after drinking whiskey at 30: “Mmmmm, sweet, sweet, nectar of the gods.”
#78 Plot twist: Adulting never gets easier
“Stop worrying about your age. There will be many other problems to worry about in life after you turn thirty.”
#79 Plot twist: age is a prank
“Welcome to your 30s! Body parts start hurting for no reason.”
#80 Club vibes, but make it cozy
“No more wondering if you should be out at a club, now its at home with wine and pizza.”
#81 Welcome to the Hurties Club
“Thirties? More like the ‘hurties.’ Strange little pains that somehow invade your knees, back and occasionally your digestive system. They seem to be immune to prayer and wishful thinking.”
#82 Forever 29, huh?
“Happy first anniversary of your 29th birthday!”
#83 Adulting: Plot Twist, You’re Still Figuring It Out
“You are now an official mature and responsible adult. This means you also have to start acting like one.”
#84 Parenting: Choose Your Own Exhaustion Adventure
“Have fun waking up at 6 a.m. every morning to drop your kids off at school, unless you tell them to take the bus – in that case, have fun sleeping in and feeling guilty!”
#85 20s Excuse Expired, Sorry Not Sorry
“Have fun on your birthday, but don’t get too crazy. Remember that you can’t blame your irresponsible behavior on “being in your 20s” anymore.”
#86 Still Feeling 21, Just With Bills
“Life turned 30 is less about knowing how old you are and more about believing how young you feel.”
#87 Finally caught up with the rest of us
“I can’t believe it took you thirty years to grow up. Better late than never, though.”
#88 One step closer to free popcorn
“Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen’s discount at the movies.”
#89 So, When Did We Become The Adults?
“There used to be a show called ’30 Something’ and if you can remember it, you’re beyond it.”
#90 Peak adulting energy drop
“When you were 24, you didn’t even get to the bar until 11 p.m. Now, you’re in bed and asleep before the monologue on SNL.”
#91 Crowds? Hard pass.
“The only thing a line in front of a bar means is that there’s a large crowd inside. And you don’t do crowds anymore.”
#92 Finally, Saturday Night Secrets Stay Secret
“Gone are the days of having to hear about what you did on Saturday night from another person.”
#93 Glow Up: Solo Bar Dates Are Peak Flex
“You wouldn’t be caught dead alone at a bar in your 20s. But now, it’s the ultimate luxury. Just you, a drink, and then another drink.”
#94 Aging: The ultimate ninja move
“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get up again!”
#95 Sweating now, saving later
“Night sweats and hot flashes are nature’s way of lowering your heating bill so you can save more money for your retirement.”
#96 “Wait, When Did Everyone Shrink?”
“When high schoolers start looking like preschoolers to you… You might be a 30-year-old.”
#97 Smart Moves Only
“You develop a safe drinking strategy on nights out.”
#98 Aging Like Fine Wine—Somewhat Sadly
“Oh you’re 30? One drink means 3 days of a hangover.”
#99 Adulting hits different, huh?
“Ugh. Your thirties… Where your friends from high school don’t invite you to their kids birthday parties anymore.”
#100 Recovery takes longer than the hangover
“Your 30s: where a day of drinking requires recovery time like a minor surgery.”
#101 Flirty but Make It Classy
“At thirty you can get flirty without being dirty.”
#102 Vintage vibes but make it young
“You’re not really 30. You’re 18 with 12 years of experience.”
#103 Still young, just slightly more responsible
“Don’t feel down. 30 years old is only 120 months older than 20, and it’s going to be almost the same – just subtract 90% of the fun.”
#104 Forever 29 and Counting
“Don’t worry about turning 30. You can say you’re 29 for several more years, and people will believe it!”
#105 Aging is just a rerun, right?
“Don’t think of it as turning 30. We’re here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your 20th birthday.”
#106 Priorities: Furry Over Fabulous
“Forget parties, gym memberships, and makeup. It’s time to spend all your money on cats, dogs and children!”
#107 Thirty, flirty, and slightly confused
“Wow, you’re 30 now. There’s no better time in your life to celebrate with friends or family… except if you’re 29 or younger.”
#108 Vintage vibes only
“If you were a card, you’d be an antique!”
#109 Predictable but unmissable energy crash
“If you start drinking at 1 p.m., you best believe you’re on the couch watching Friends reruns with a family-sized bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos by 7.”
#110 Mood: Redefined
“On a scale of 1-10, feeling a solid 30.”
#111 Counting up or holding on?
“Happy 29 + 1th! But seriously, you’re going to have to come to terms with this eventually.”
#112 Forever stuck in high school mode
“Recycled teenager.”
#113 Adulting Level: Expert Excuses
“The good thing about turning 30 is if you don’t want to do something, you can say, ‘I’m too old to do that!'”
#114 Too Much Life Update Energy
“Your Facebook feed is inundated with baby pictures and wedding photos.”
#115 Morning essentials, redefined
“30s life hack: put your Nespresso machine next to your bed.”
#116 Thirty: Like a free workout, but make it brutal
“Turning 30 is as easy as jumping rope… If the rope were covered in hard metal spikes, you were barefoot, and the ground was covered in hot lava.”
#117 Counting days makes aging weirdly specific
“If you think about it this way, you’re only 21 years and 3,285 days old.”
#118 Number games we all stress over
“30 is a nice round number. Let’s just hope it doesn’t correspond to your figure.”
#119 Measuring Life in Woofs
“In dog years, you’d be getting closer to your death.”
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