One of the main complaints that people (including yours truly) have had about Top Model is that it can feel a little insular. Instead of exposing the girls in each cycle to the realities of the fashion business through actual casting/jobs, realistic photoshoots, and lessons in handling your coins, it can focus too much on being capital-R Reality TV. There are many (legitimate) reasons that no true top model has emerged from the Top Model dungeon, but one of the primary examples of this lies with how little the girls know about what they’re getting themselves into upon leaving the show. To be able to beat the fashion machine that has spit many a girl out like juice from a mouthful of chewing tobacco, you have to understand the machine and dressing like Michael Jackson or freely eating a hot dog aren’t ways to do it.
“Beverly Johnson” had one of the best challenges in the show’s history, but like every good decision in the world of Pot Ledom and lollipops, it immediately got undercut by something stupid. Having the girls head to fashion week, go on castings, and work the jobs they booked was an intelligent, long overdue move by Top Model; it gave us a look at what the fashion industry can be like and what the girls can expect going forward, particularly having six designers in a room at once to critique their walks. It felt like a moment of (actual) reality in a sea of madness, but as much as I liked having something legitimately fashion-related on the docket of events, I got a little perturbed upon learning we were doing runway. You mean to tell me that Miss J. was here, exactly one episode ago, and there couldn’t have been a walking lesson? When the show knew ahead of time they were going to Fashion Week? I’m all for Top Model changing up the typical structure of their cycle, as they moved the commercial challenge up several weeks during J.’s episode, but they definitely sandbagged some of the contestants by not giving them runway tips.
Not saying that Ashley or Catherine would have went from poor walkers to Naomi Campbell overnight, but if they had tips fresh in their mind from a session with Miss J., maybe they could have booked a gig or two. And who knows, that could have altered who went home and, indirectly, the makeup of the rest of the cycle.
The shoot ended being pretty surprising, in that it had all the elements of being a train wreck (leaf bikinis! maple syrup!), but it ended up producing several high quality photos. And let me eat my hat – Team Amurrica turned it out. I wasn’t a fan of Kyle’s dead arm or Laura hiding her neck (first rule of Top Model Fight Club! never hide your neck!), but Azmarie served up sex appeal mixed with a little strength, Seymone finally embraced her curves, and Eboni (!) merged her need to be a tart with Tyra’s plea for purity. Eboni, in particular, surprised me the entire episode, tying for the lead in number of booked shows and producing an elegantly sexy shot that makes me reconsider having written her off early on.
Team Britain was more hit-or-miss after being covered in maple syrup, unfortunately, which led to four of the bottom five being girls from across the pond. I don’t know if it’s because they’re a little more high fashion looking or aren’t as comfortable with their bodies, but Britain didn’t really have a standout shot to speak of. Catherine’s almost-beauty shot might have been my favorite, but I wondered if its impact was because of how different it was from the other nine shots. Sophie had another pretty-good-but-not-great photo, a piercing frame that pointed out how unusual-yet-pretty she is, but she’s yet to knock me on my butt, though I know she has it in her. Annaliese had a great idea that didn’t quite pop, Alisha felt about 40% of the way there, and Ashley went a little too artsy and lost the fashion angle.
The shoot managed to skirt the line between being exploitative and provocative, emphasizing actual modeling concepts (angles, shapes, etc.) while giving us the hint of goofiness inherent in anything Top Model.
The elimination order, though, felt a little bit wonky to me. The top three (Eboni, Azmarie, and Sophie), I can understand, but Seymone taking 4th? Annaliese almost falling to bottom two? Kyle still being here? I just can’t. Seymone may have produced a smoldering photo that radiated confidence, but she didn’t book any jobs like Ashley and Catherine, so calling her that high was a little much. Annaliese, bubbly personality and all, booked a couple of jobs and took a photo that got positive comments, so why was she that low on the totem pole? Could they be railroading her out of the competition on another “personality” edit? I mean, they’ve already mentioned how much she reminds them of a presenter, so I have a feeling that one off week and we’ll be hearing about how her personality doesn’t translate into photos. And I’m sorry, the world falling all over Kyle is mystifying to me. Did we not all see her runway walk and how ass-y it was? (The lack of energy, the wide eyes, etc.) And her photo wasn’t all that and a bag of apples, so this “Kyle totes is a model, everybody” attitude from panel and every guest judge/mentor perplexes me. I don’t see supermodel when I look at Kyle; I see a pretty girl and that’s it.
If I were Alisha and Annaliese, though, I’d pick it up. To me, they’re the most vulnerable models in the bunch right now and unless they turn it on next week, one of them is going home.
How about that? A fun Top Model that balanced out some professionalism with a little ridiculousness and came out with beautiful photos to show for all the effort. It may still have little problems here or there, but cycle 18 has stepped up from the horror of cycle 17 to become fairly watchable guilty pleasure TV once again. Once it gets a little more weekly consistency and the carcasses of models gone by strewn around the loft, Top Model may be able to regain a little bit of strut lost in its later seasons. There’s still life in Top Model and by goodness, Aunt Tyra is performing CPR like it’ll give her an endorsement deal.
And then she’ll talk about it.
Repeatedly.
Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:
-“The fire is coming and it’s burning, and these girls are about to get cooked.”
-“Just, like, let me walk in your show, for God’s sake.”
-“God, don’t be stupid. You’re really trying.”
-“You nailed that and a bag of chips.”
-“You are, like, smizing through my soul.”
-“Finally, a dinosaur!”
-“Oh, you have my old waistline.”
-“We have to kick out a sticky-icky.”
-Final Call Out Order: Eboni, Azmarie, Sophie, Seymone, Laura, Kyle, Alisha, Annaliese, Catherine, Ashley (eliminated)
-How flawless was Beverly Johnson looking, you guys? My word. I wish she had been brought in on a challenge/photo shoot instead of a brief guest judging spot.
-If you’d like to pick up a little of Mr. Jay’s “Attitude” collection, you can do so at Sears Canada.
-I normally hate the post-elimination advice from Tyra, but I’m glad she told Ashley to look into becoming a presenter. Make us at TVOvermind proud, Ashley!
–Top Model is off next week, as One Tree Hill will be having a two-hour series finale. When we pick back up, former girl group members Jessica Sutta (Pussycat Dolls) and Nadine Coyle (Girls Aloud) guest judge the show’s second annual music video challenge. Pot ledom?
Follow Us
