Whether you only want to have some fun or are holding out for a serious commitment, today’s love scene comes with a whole lot of weird baggage that we, for some reason, decided is no big deal. So, Reddit user JustLittleGirl_ thought it was time for a reality check, and kicked off a conversation on the platform, asking, “What’s something people pretend is normal in modern dating, but is actually insanely toxic when you think about it?” The answers poured in, and they’re as honest, frustrating, and painfully relatable as they can get.
#1
So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like “this is so romantic” but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back.
“Displays of love” like that always creep me out.
Image source: Yaseuk, Ahmed / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
#2
Expecting someone to drop their opposite-s*x friendships. I know there are people that believe men and women can’t be just friends, but in my opinion we can especially when there are healthy boundaries and everyone is mature and respectful. Like yes, let me just immediately drop this person I’ve been friends with for years because you’re insecure?
Image source: actively_snazzy, Gabriel Ponton / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#3
Testing people instead of being honest.
Image source: luna-peaches, Hitesh Choudhary / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#4
Recording your partner for pranks or “relationship tests” for social media.
Image source: Jazzlike-Success8207, Juzzepo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#5
I might get hate for this but demanding your partners location/and or making it mandatory to share locations. I understand for safety purposes but for me it feels rooted in ownership, insecurity and mistrust.
Image source: vigilantevirtue, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#6
Public marriage proposals.
Image source: AwkwardTurtle33, Gift Habeshaw / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#7
Treating jealousy as a love language.
Image source: ianamar, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#8
Dudes initiating choking and other violent acts during intimacy without first asking for consent.
Image source: -TheDream, Sinitta Leunen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
Posting publicly your lover’s quarrel. Like bruh, you’re embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened??
Image source: Secret_Answer9855, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#10
Having to get permission from your partner before going out or running errands.
Image source: Cigarette-milk, Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#11
Being expected to talk 24/7 and have no life outside of each other.
Image source: water_for-elbowz, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
Using someone else as a comfort while trying to figure out their situation with their ex… just happened to me. Completely messed up. Not ok.
Image source: Freshflowersandhoney, Matthew Henry / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
#13
Performing for each other instead of being real. People feel pressure to be endlessly witty, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached like dating is a game of who can care less first. It’s exhausting and kind of dehumanizing.
Image source: Optimal_Piano_23, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#14
Sending unsolicited d**k pics.
Image source: Hairy-Commercial-307, Alexander Pozdeev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#15
The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.
(This is obviously not in every relationship, but it’s definitely in some.).
Image source: victrolasparkling, Asterfolio / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
#16
Tracking each other’s every movement.
Image source: Ginnylala, Đức Trịnh / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#17
Being obsessed with social media.
Image source: My_Nude_Throwaway, Austin Distel / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
#18
Deceiving someone into thinking you are exclusive to enjoy their focused attention.
Image source: atomickitty11, Tan Danh / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#19
For some odd reason it’s become normal and somewhat expected to share your location 100% of the time. It’s almost never for “safety”.
Image source: Hotdogwater88888, Rahul Himkar / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#20
Playing hard to get.
Image source: RandHomman, RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#21
Not going to bed angry – majority of problems within a healthy relationship stems from overstimulation from stress. So staying up trying to figure it out may cause more mental torment versus sleeping (while still holding each other and saying I love you) and waking up feeling refreshed enough to speak .
Image source: chun_li_120922, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#22
Expecting s*x on the first date and swiping left on anyone who’s not willing to put out immediately. Pressures people into feeling like they have to do it even if they don’t want to.
Image source: Sen_H, Womanizer Toys / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#23
“The chase”
If you’re having to chase someone, you’re not mutually attracted to each other, you’re being predatory .
Image source: RaspberryTurtle987, Pouriya Kafaei / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#24
Posting everything about your relationship online.
Image source: Haunting_Play4959, Daniel J. Schwarz / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#25
Treating dating as if everybody is auditioning for you instead of considering the fact that dates are equals who are also taking time out of their busy lives to get to know you.
Image source: lolstfudad, A. C. / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#26
Looking through each others phones.
Image source: joordllowie, Andy Vult / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#27
Having no tolerance for imperfection.
Image source: ComfortableShip3815, Ike louie Natividad / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#28
Comparisons.
Stop comparing your couple, your actions, and your involvement to what you see others doing on the Internet.
Image source: Spiderbanana, Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#29
Making hypocritical demands.
Image source: majesticSkyZombie, Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#30
Talking about exes excessively, being hung up on exes, and jumping from person to person instead of committing.
Image source: coffeewalnut08, Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
#31
Putting up with your partner calling you insults during disagreements or arguments (stupid, idiot, b***h, etc), or calling your partner hyper casual and dismissive names during fights (i.e. bro).
Image source: umlaut-overyou, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#32
Love bombing, future faking, and, push and pull behaviors.
Image source: tads73, Justin Follis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#33
Well it’s seen as a red flag if you don’t live on social media. I have reddit but apps like instagram and snapchat felt pointless.
Takes me out of the running for a fair amount of people.
Image source: Pink_Flash, Lisa from Pexels / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#34
Sending nudes or risque’ pictures to strangers. Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and strip down? No? Then why do it to a total stranger online?
Image source: boobsmagoobs, Daria Nepriakhina 🇺🇦 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#35
Not being “allowed” to have opposite s*x friends. In a healthy, normal adult life, you can have friends of all identities and it shouldn’t be a problem. Getting mad at your partner for having friends is just weird.
Image source: Luuneytuunes
#36
Maybe not “normal” but bringing or suggesting to bring another person into the relationship.
Even worse if you have kids. I’ve known 2 couples who have done this. Both couples are divorced now.
Image source: Tacokolache, Pablo Merchán Montes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#37
Sharing social media passwords. Ew no. Your account is *YOURS* for a reason.
Image source: Old_Improvement4560
#38
Following the toxic advice of ‘in order to get over someone you need to get under someone else’.
Image source: Jessieangel1111
#39
Being completely disingenuous from the get go.
Image source: Ok-Carpenter7536, Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#40
The pressure to get married. I can think of many great reasons a couple may wait 10 years to get married, but very few good reasons to have a 2 year dating to married turnaround. .
Image source: shroom_in_bloom, Ömürden Cengiz / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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